Is it worth staying a couple when she leaves?

[davo1066]

My girlfriend and I (both English, mid 20s) met while we were both working abroad. We became good friends and after about 2 months began dating (with a little help from this site!!). We have been a couple for 4 months now, and travelled together for the last 2 months, together 24/7. We got on great, I think I'm in love.

 

Now the problem: towards the end of our time away she already started talking about going on a new 6 month working trip (she has been travelling on and off the last 3 years). At the same time she still wants us to remain a couple, long distance. (There is no way I can go with her, with the work I do.)

 

I don't want her to go. We are going to be apart for the next 6 weeks as she had a trip already booked before we met. 6 weeks is turning out to be hard enough, but then another 6 months?

 

She has admitted she was unfaithful twice to her last boyfriend during a previous year away. She says it is going to be different with me, that the last relationship was falling apart anyway, but I can't help feeling that if she was at all serious about us she wouldn't be heading off again so soon. And of course I am insecure after what happened to her last boyfriend, she only told him about the other guys when she got home at the end of the year, and they broke up. It kind of feels like I'm going to be kept in reserve.

 

If I wasn't so crazy about her I would think there was no point us staying together, but the very fact I am crazy about her means 6 months apart would be hell! I have told her how I feel, that I am thinking maybe we should split up. She doesn't want to, she says I should trust her and it's not the same as with the last boyfriend, that we are getting on great.

 

I would appreciate advice on whether I should end the relationship or just be more trusting and understanding of her need to travel. If we stay together, tips on how we can keep the relationship working properly long distance would also be great.

[Annoyed And Bitter]

Darling, past mistakes are just that, PAST!!! I understand your concern, and I can certainly sympathize with your not wanting to be separated from her. But LOVE IS STRONG, and in the end what is meant to be WILL be. If you really love her, and I do not doubt that you do, there are ways to keep the fires burning. Letters, phone calls, even flying to see her on a weekend or holiday. And trust that your hearts can reach much farther than your arms ever could. I wish both of you luck in your relationship and your lives. Have faith, love....

[davo1066]

Thanks for that one, it certainly sounds sensible! Has anyone any tips on how to keep the relationship going, long distance, or other views on how I shuold handle this situation?

 

Thanks

[MinziGirl]

Hello there everybody.

 

My husband & me met thru ICQ & we are now happily married. I am from Singapore... now living in Germany. So, you can imagine the distance between us.

 

1 good book about how to survive your long distance relationship written by Steve Baker. He has written in that book 1 very good advice which i can still remember even till now.... NEVER EVER spend 24/7 with your beloved. It is too much... no one, not even the most happily married couples spend 24/7. So, i remembered when my husband (then my boyfriend) Flew into Singapore or when i flew to Germany at that time, we NEVER took off from our work... except for the very first visit... which produced the same kinds of helplessness feelings when the other departs because of too much time spent together. We found this to be very very helpful in our long distance relationship. So, we try to keep things as normal as possible when each other visits. There are times for kisses & romance & there are times for work & practical living.

 

Also, when at the airport. we keep things positive... like telling when we will be seeing each other again... we try not to allow more than 3 months apart without seeing each other. So, there is a hope... that each other have to stand it only for 3 months not seeing each other. Then not to mention the nightly phone calls, MSN chats... etc... & also, all the $$$ spent on keeping the long distance relationship.

 

About your G/F, i don't know what is the reason she slept with another guy while you are away... did you ask her? Maybe she have a reason. Maybe she is true to say that you are different... or may be... in which case, it is good to find out by letting time run it's course. I guess if she is mentioning about a work trip, there is nothing any one of you can do to cancel this trip. It is good to give trust to your G/F when she is away. After all, if it were you, you would like to have that trust as well... i guess..

 

Perhaps, you can tell her to tell you way in advance next time when she plans to be away & how long. Then, maybe you can then plan your schedule ahead of time & be prepared for quickly for your own plans.

 

OK... i hope this is of help to you. All the best in your long distance relationship. TRUST is the most important in such a relationship. That is what i think.