To text the ex for birthday or not to text...

[poetsheart]

Hi All,

 

Been doing 3 months nc, except for the one time when he faxed my work with a goodbye letter....

 

It is his birthday coming up very soon, and I am having strange feelings for the first time on whether to text him or not. The biggest part of me says that I am in nc, so don't text, but there is this other part, that has this thought of texting just plain Happy Birthday. I don't want to text him so he thinks I've forgotten the past and all is ok, cause it's not. May sound harsh but if you've read my threads, he was plain outright disrespectful all the way through. I don't know why I am having this feelings for?

 

Did you text? I'm just confused, probably won't, I don't know why I am like this, very confused lately and dreaming of him almost everynight...

 

Thanks....

[Relationship Coach]

Do not text him, it will accomplish nothing and could lead to a set back. Stay NC and realize it's all about you right now, I've read your threads and you need to keep moving forward.

 

RC

[poetsheart]

Thanks coach, I just needed reassurance....

[joyce1412]

ooh yeah, don't text him. all it will do is make him cocky, because he'll know you're still thinking about him. that's the last thing you need.

 

and if he disrespected you, well, i don't really think he deserves a happy birthday, do you?

[joyce1412]

i think that since you both still care a lot about your exes, you will be very vulnerable to whatever they have to say.

 

a nice response could leave you hoping for a reconciliation that may never occur...a curt response could leave you very hurt...and no response will probably make you feel terrible.

 

even if you don't read into what is said, you're way better off doing NC and STICKING TO IT. like relationship coach said, your well-wishes will accomplish nothing anyway.

[Silentlyfor]

No N-O. No

 

I'm not expecting my ex to contact me on my next birthday. I know she won't. That's why I didn't contact her on hers.

 

Sorry, but if they don't care about you, just as my ex doesn't clearly care about me, why should you? I say it's pretty self explanatory. Don't give them that power.

[poetsheart]

Thanks for all the replies, I don't think I will text him Happy Birthday. The fact is he treated me like crap, never cared, and texting him will only make him feel like he's done nothing wrong. Thanks for all the words of advice...

[joyce1412]

I guess I was assuming (w/ no grounds for making that assumption, really) that he'd send me a nice reply, which may not (probably will not) be the case at all ...

 

yeah, and even if he did send you a nice reply, it would only give you that much more reason to believe he's a great guy, which could make you nostalgic, miss him, etc. work on trying to become indifferent to him. good luck, stay strong!

[poetsheart]

I've decided that no matter how much a part of me wants to and I will be thinking of him strongly, that to text him will reverse all the effort I have put into rebuilding myself. I will probably regress if I do, so I've got to keep strong, think about myself for once and remember all the horrible and painful ways he treated me.

[ScreenagerX]

Its my birthday in a week today & I am hoping that my ex-wife will text me. Not because I want her back but because of the history we have & the fact that we were best friends for years. Admittedly she didn't wish me a Happy Father's Day a couple of weeks ago but I think a birthday is a bigger deal. We shall see. I know I will be hurt if I don't hear from her because I know I will be wishing her a Happy Birthday in 2 months time.

[poetsheart]

I can understand where you're coming from Spader, buy me ex treated me like crap, if you read my threads you would see all the hurtful and disrespectful things he did to me over again. If I had an ex and he didn't treat me so badly, I would text him happy birthday, but this is a different matter all together. I know it's the history and love I held in my heart that made me want to text, but I think I would defenitely set myself up for more heartbreak if I did... No, I've got to keep strong...

[poetsheart]

Hey Ellie, yep lets keep strong and nc - not even for their birthdays.... If we do send something it won't be for our benefit...

[gnabna]

i agree with the no texting- you are keeping your dignity intact as well

[ScreenagerX]

My ex did text me for my birthday in the end. She also seemed somewhat concerned that I may have been a little depressed as I usually am around birthday time.

[Captain34]

my birthday was a few weeks after my breakup. my ex called me on my birthday, asked what i would be doing, and asked if i would be around "late" at the party i was throwing. she also told me she had something for me. btw, she had also posted on my online profile, just 10 minutes after another girl sent me an unexpected birthday wish.

 

i never got the gift.

 

id say the best birthday response is unique to each situatioon. go with your gut

[poetsheart]

I never did text... just to update!!! It would have set me back, and I am moving forward... why text someone who disrespected me and treated me like half a person.... nc, going strong!!!