he keeps cancelling our dates

[bighair]

Hi Everyone:

 

Just need to vent and would appreciate your thoughts.

 

I met a guy on line 2 months ago who lives about 100 miles from me. We have talked on the phone several times, IM'd and emailed regularly. We were scheduled to go out on a date in Mid August. He was rather distant w. me a couple of days prior and I sensed something was off. We were IM'ing and he said he liked talking to me, but the distance between us was problematic. He said he didn't want to meet. I was annoyed because he backed out at the last minute and I don't think 100 miles (when we're adults) is all that bad.

 

Nearly 2 weeks go by, and he get in touch again, apologizes for backing out and making clear that he did like me, wants to meet but the distance was getting him down, but he was still willing to go on our first date. We rescheduled for after Labor Day since I was on vacation.

 

Well, the day is approaching, he seems distant and then sends an email that he has to cancel our date because of a family event he forgot all about. He said he would call back to reschedule. He didn't put a reschedule date in the email. I responded by saying that I wasn't surprised that he was cancelling again. So, I haven't heard from him since then. I suspect that he has attempted to call but I believe he blocks his number so it doesn't appear on my caller ID.

 

I know...he's a rude (*^()_ for cancelling on me twice. I just don't understand the behavior because he called to reschedule the second time. I suspect that he met someone else on line who lives closer to home. I'm pretty annoyed because he screwed up 2 weekends in a row. I did recover the 2nd time, however...I had another date w. another on line guy.

 

Anyway, your thoughts, comments appreciaited. Has anyone else been thru this sort of nonsense?

[amtjrtcet]

I was in a similar situation once. I suggest moving on. Forget about him. Don't call him or email him anymore. If he does want to be with you he needs to show some serious effort here. If he wants you, he'll come after you. His loss

[amtjrtcet]

Oh and if he does call you, don't be so available. Make him work for it

[bighair]

yeah...you're right, michelleth...i haven't reached out to him at all...because he is just so bloody rude and must think i'm a fool w.out self esteem to put up with this. also, if he does call me back, he will certainly have to earn the privilege of going out with me.

[amtjrtcet]

that a girl!

[Lady Bugg]

LOL this happened to me too.....it is VERY frustrating. You can either:

 

1) Blow him off and move on....

 

2) Accept for what it is...an ONLINE friendship. If he makes plans say thanks but no THANKS....You'd rather keep things online and pursue other options.

Either way..you win.

[rose2summer]

You are not the 1-800-bighair, schedule a date at your convenience, 24/7 hotline,

 

He is disrespecting you by cancelling dates,

 

I met a guy a few weeks back who met me half way, about 1hr for each of us,

 

He called to go on another date, but wanted me to come to his area,

 

That he didn't want to drive so far to meet up,

 

I told him that he should find someone in his area because I wasn't going to overextend myself unless he would do the same in return,

 

Needless to say, he kept calling, saying he now wanted to drive out to my area, and not meet half-way,

 

I told him I am really busy and when I have time if ever we could meet up (which I never will!!),

 

Give this guy a taste of his own medicine,

 

He has no right to treat you like you are the left-overs,

 

Walk away and look for someone who is willing to exert himself for you!

 

Rose

[bighair]

yeah...the message he's sending is that i'm not worth knowing because i live far away...or too far out of his comfort zone. not cool with that. i think i am so worth the drive and the cost of gas!

[rose2summer]

Hey bighair,

 

Of course you are worth his gas and time,

 

And if he doesn't have the intellect to realize that,

 

Toss him out like yesterday's newspaper,

 

You deserve better and you will get it!

 

Rose

[dogheadma]

He's a flake. Don't waste any more of your time.

[MrKawabata]

it could also be that he is sincere and genuine when he makes appointments with you, but when the date of reality comes he becomes fearful and cancels the appointment. If you care him and about why he does this, I suggest that this is the opportunity to discuss why he cancels the appointments. Through comfort and reassurance he may get to confide in you what is troubling him and you may get to save a friendship.

[bighair]

Yes, I thought about this too. I believe he was sincere when he made the dates and gets cold feet just prior to following thru on the plan. But, he is an adult and he really has to get clear on what he wants. I really believe he made a date with someone else who lives closer to him.

[MrKawabata]

If infidelity is the issue than you would do well to distance yourself from him. If he cheated on you then he doesn't deserve you.

[bighair]

Well, hold on! we met on line and have not had our first date. this is not about infidelity. i think he is ambivalent about meeting me because of his own issues.

[MrKawabata]

Apologies. My bad.