heyguys Posted September 13, 2006 Share Posted September 13, 2006 hello i have a problem thats been bugging me lately. it is very hard for my bf to make me orgasm. he has a few times with his hands but it takes a long time. he has never orally made me orgasm or with his penis. this already bothers me that he cant make me orgasm. i dont blame it on him since no guy has ever made me orgasm. i guess the hard part is that i feel alot of pressure from him to orgasm. its like he is on a mission, which is good but sometimes it is too much and makes me feel worse. i have no problem making myself orgasm in under a minute even, but when he does it it takes forever if it happens at all and he always gives up after i try to teach him. i dont know whats the problem?? and he gets really frustrated then i get frustrated. he has spent so much money on buying bedroom toys and nothing works. he almost makes me feel bad about myself and like something is "wrong" with me by saying to that "it shouldnt take so long" or his "arm is gonna fall off" from rubbing me so much. it makes me feel like he is comparing me to other girls and how long it takes "them" to orgasm. i just feel like he is putting lots of pressure on me and it is making it harder for me to orgasm at all. and i hate that i cant orgasm with him and he "never had problems making anyone orgasm before". please help solve my problem... Link to comment
Closure Posted September 13, 2006 Share Posted September 13, 2006 The biggest problem you're having is thinking about it...... Calm down, try your best to put it out of your mind, relax and just begin to enjoy the sex without thinking about it and i'm sure it will happen. If I could give him advice or you advice for him i'd tell him to use positions where he can constantly arouse your clit which should warm you up to explode more easily later on, if not immediately. He can do this from behind, with you on top or you laying face down with him on top. Anywhere that he can get his finger on thumb to stimulate you! Then when you're wetter than the atlantic head into some deep penetration positions and you'll go crazy. That's always worked for me, especially with women who haven't cum with a guy before. However, you BOTH need to get it off your mind, you get annoyed because you want to cum and he is annoyed because he can't make you the trophy that cums a lot with him, it's a male thing. Only when you relax will things flow, so to speak! Link to comment
heyguys Posted September 13, 2006 Author Share Posted September 13, 2006 yeah, we try many positions and alot of his penetrations feel GREAT but they dont make me orgasm, and its good enough for me but not for him so its always a issue. i wish i could NOT think about it but i can see he is reallyyy trying hard and getting frustrated and it KILLS the mood so i can never FORGET and RELAX. besides that lets say i am on top or in some position thats good he wants me to stimulate myself in addition to the penetration and stimulate him too...and its hard because i feel like im doing to many things at once. i just want to absorb him doing things to me without trying to make myself orgasm in some weird acrobatic position or something....i mean i can make myself orgasm in about two ways specifically everything else is hard and uncomfertable but he really wants me to learn new ways to orgasm in diff positions and with the toys. i really can see myself orgasming with penetration alone if he could last longer but he is constantly moving to a new position every minute so i cant get in the rythmn of things.... but def we both need to stop talking and just go with it, but with him its not happening and its ruining our sex life. i have no problem with not orgasming, i love just being with him...but this whole topic is getting bad, so its not so much me being mad i can orgasm but the way the whole situation is affecting our relationship, from my part. he thinks he is enhancing things but hes really ruining it. Link to comment
rose2summer Posted September 13, 2006 Share Posted September 13, 2006 Yes, closure provided great advice, Definitely try the position lying on the stomach, With him on top over your back, Wow, that position works wonders! Rose Link to comment
Closure Posted September 13, 2006 Share Posted September 13, 2006 Okay, i've got it I think. Now, you're both young so you have an excuse I suppose. Right, him expecting you to stimulate yourself is lazy and not really at all sexy. He is supposed to be learning what turns you on in order to be a good lover for you. The toys aren't needed, i'd throw them out of the window. Explain to him that he needs to stay in positions for longer, I don't have a rule of thumb over it but what's the point going from position to position, you aren't a porn star, you're making love. Explain that you can vary one position you're in for longer by making it interesting by experimenting with speeds and power of the penetration etc. How can you stay turned on when you feel like you're doing tricks on a trampolene rather than having sex...... From my experience, pushing just an inch into a woman in the missionary position for ten minutes, really slowly will make her EXPLODE when you go from that to full pelt, give it a try! 1 Link to comment
heyguys Posted September 13, 2006 Author Share Posted September 13, 2006 thanks closure, i will try to relay this advice to him. im pretty sure he knows the right way to orgasm with someone you love instead of pulling out all these tricks and stunts. im not sure if it even feels like he's making love to me. toys are fun (well not for me anymore)but not real intimate. im not so sure if he was like this with other partners, but if he was i have no idea how he orgasmed with them like he said. its too distracting... Link to comment
Closure Posted September 13, 2006 Share Posted September 13, 2006 You're welcome! May you cum like a trooper thanks closure, i will try to relay this advice to him. im pretty sure he knows that the right way to orgasm with someone you love instead of pulling out all these tricks and stunts. im not so sure if he was like this with other partners, but if he was i have no idea how he orgasmed with them like he said. its too distracting... Link to comment
BornToResist Posted September 13, 2006 Share Posted September 13, 2006 I used to have this problem too. Thinking about how you have to orgasm only makes it worse. And if you think about how your partner probably doesn't want to be doing it, it makes it impossible!! I got over my issues just with my last boyfriend. I got really vocal during sex and if he was doing something I liked, I would moan or whatever to encourage him. Then if he moved positions, I'd say something like "hey don't stop, you had it right there" and he would try desperately to find the spot again and wouldn't move until he got my okay. He just needed encouragement and he was eager to learn what worked for me. A lot of girls fake it, and I think it's unfair that he's comparing you to his other experiences. Just tell him you're a different machine with different buttons that make you tick, and it's up to him to learn how to work them. It's totally normal and it goes both ways. There are things that will make one guy orgasm that won't do anything for another. Everyone's different and that's not always a bad thing. If I was in your position, I would be tempted to bruise his ego, although it would do absolutely no good. It really isn't your fault and I think it's really inconsiderate for him to pin that on you. Guys pride themselves on being able to please women because why? It isn't an easy task. It's not your fault, it's his. Link to comment
Shadows Light Posted September 13, 2006 Share Posted September 13, 2006 As with the previous advice.... relax. And don't think about it. I know.. nothing.. nothing.. is a bigger turn off than catching your lover glance at the Clock on a night stand. you might as well have dumped a bucket of ice water all over me because I'm done. orrr... when you can tell they are exasperated because they are getting.. tired. EEEEK... why bother .. right? There's a book on the market he may buy for himself called.. "She Comes first." excellent read. Instead of all the toys.. he should invest in a book to teach him about women and technique. Ha!! the only trick then will be getting him to read the darn thing. lol. Have you tried watching Porn together. or light porn.. or sexy romantic movies???? this may help... get you in the mood. Be careful of using this as an enhancer.. you do not want it to become crutch. How about reading erotic litterature to each other. Just to get you to quit thinkng about it. You are young.. don't worry so much you will get it. When you get up there in years... where I am.. is when your body starts betraying you. YIKES. I soooooooo know what you are talking about. Been there.. done that.. and am wearing the T-shirt. you are most definitely NOT alone. Link to comment
hey_hey Posted September 13, 2006 Share Posted September 13, 2006 maybe u should try some more sex toys idk Link to comment
dazzednconfused Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 the bf, i dont want to post things on here to start a fight but, i will say what i think is a matter. My gf is all about school, family, and cleaness. With that being said ,that is all what she really thinks about HW and germs. There have been plenty of times were we can be making love and i can actually read her mind. It seems like penetration has zero affect on her, it makes me feel pointless and takes a hit to my ego. Clitoral is even extremely hard. Toys cant even seem to help. I am lost. When she is riding me you can tell she can careless and is doing it for me but, i do not want that. I am sorry about this rude post but she has me very upset right now with her nagging on this topic Link to comment
sparkle1 Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 I still have this problem of not cumming with penetration alone..i've only managed to get there a few times in my sexual life...and felt completely exhausted by the time i've gotten there! i think everything Closure has said is true...however, the part about stimulating yourself i disagree on (sorry Closure)...if it is done in the correct way, with you both being mutually turned on my you stimulating yourself, he'll watch and learn. Men do get a bit 'fumbly' and annoyed when we don't cum quickly - or at all, but you will if he stopped going on at you. Plus you are feeling like he is comparing you to his other lady friends...which is simply the biggest turn of of all time. Relax...explain all you've said on here to him...take your time, experiment with what Closure recommends...and go for the marathon, not the 100metres... I find...missionary...legs up as if you're going to wrap them round him...but don't, let him be 'on top' of you, directly above you...and tell him to keep the motion constant....it'll hit your front wall...and as Closure says..you'll be cuming like a trooper! good luck! xx Link to comment
finewhine Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 I have always been able to orgasm through oral sex and manual stimulation, but it took me until I was 22-23 or so to orgasm through intercourse. The easiest way for a lady to cum is through oral sex with manual stimulation. Keep going with that. Orgasm through penetration is for advanced students only. It might be a wiring thing, it might be a maturity thing, but it's certainly not something to worry about yet. You're both feeling too much pressure to perform, and that's a buzzkill. Just assume you're not going to cum through intercourse, make sure he gets you off one way or another, and take it from there. Link to comment
BornToResist Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 the bf, i dont want to post things on here to start a fight but, i will say what i think is a matter. My gf is all about school, family, and cleaness. With that being said ,that is all what she really thinks about HW and germs. There have been plenty of times were we can be making love and i can actually read her mind. It seems like penetration has zero affect on her, it makes me feel pointless and takes a hit to my ego. Clitoral is even extremely hard. Toys cant even seem to help. I am lost. When she is riding me you can tell she can careless and is doing it for me but, i do not want that. I am sorry about this rude post but she has me very upset right now with her nagging on this topic Wait...so you're the OP's boyfriend? If so, it is definently intersting to get both sides of the story, you know? Link to comment
heyguys Posted September 14, 2006 Author Share Posted September 14, 2006 thank you all for your suggestions. yes bornto resist that is my bf, kinda funny isnt it. so as you can see he really is persistent about getting me to cum but his attitude that i "nag" about this clearly speaks of the pressures and attitude i deal with which is probably why i cant orgasm. i do care about school, family and cleanliness, it is true. but that is not what keeps me at all from enjoying sex. if anything maybe the cleanliness part i may ask him to wipe himself after penetration if he wants me to give him oral sex, but thats really the only thing. other than that im up for anything. if something doesnt feel good i tell him, i dont like it. but he doesnt believe me and continues to do it, that i will "learn to like it" so its kinda useless for me. there are things i love and i tell him but he doesnt do them bc he says hes tired of the same old things. so basically hes being stubborna and not listening to what i like (in order to orgasm) but dont get me wrong! he is amazing, i just DO NOT orgasm! i guess that sounds weird to some ppl but he feels great..so i dont know what he wants, the pressure has got to stop Link to comment
BornToResist Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 No, I completely understand what you meant. I didn't learn how to orgasm from a guy until I was around 20. I still loved sex and everything that went along with it because it felt so good, but I just couldn't get past that point. Even in new relationships I have trouble getting to the point where I can orgasm without a problem. It just takes that connection with that certain guy I guess. You both sound frustrated and that's gotta end. You won't be able to orgasm with any of that going on, and just get back to the basics and do what feels good, not for any other reason. Good luck to you. Link to comment
dazzednconfused Posted September 15, 2006 Share Posted September 15, 2006 i would figure i at least more her have a O oraly but i cant even do that... she always has some sort of excuse. Link to comment
heyguys Posted September 15, 2006 Author Share Posted September 15, 2006 i just dont see why i am being blamed, thats why i am here in the first place, the pressure, blame...its all too much...they arent excuses they are VALID reasons.....can we be saved! Link to comment
dazzednconfused Posted September 15, 2006 Share Posted September 15, 2006 im sorry my gf can orgasm, she can only orgasm if her legs are crossed. does alot of good for me Link to comment
g44 Posted September 15, 2006 Share Posted September 15, 2006 get rid of the toys...they are really a distraction anyways... and if u focus less on having an orgasm and just enjoy the moment and the connection i think that is what its all about but everyone is different but communication is key Link to comment
g44 Posted September 15, 2006 Share Posted September 15, 2006 just tell him...i am sure he only wants to please u.. communication is key...its about trust, connection, love and understanding....everything else is just playful experiences that really are needed when the real thing is known to both as the best Link to comment
AntiLove_SuperStar Posted September 15, 2006 Share Posted September 15, 2006 Hey - this worked for me, and I too could never come during sex with anyone, even via hands/mouth. Get into standard missionary position, him on top. Once he's inside you, get him to position one of his legs over the top of yours, and the other leg between your legs (it doesn make sense at the time...just think about it!). This changes the angle so that with every thrust, he moves directly against your clitoris. Don't be afraid to grab him and urm direct him either. Moving your body upwards as he thrusts can really help as well. It's all about firm contact kept up for a longish period of time (well....a few minutes). Good luck. Link to comment
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