No control what so ever!

[Aschleigh]

So I'm all in love and apperently I can't shake this guy with my nuerosis yet. We'll see about that.

 

One thing that occurs to me if : I have no control anymore.

If I want to be in a relationship with him, I will have no control of him cheating on me. I can't control how much time we spend together ( he wants a lot of alone time ) , I can't control him at all. I have to trust him. I don't like trusting people, it's scary. I have to let go daily. I have to give up and surrender and hope things work out, daily.

This is the scariest relationship I have ever been in. Scary like intimacy and vulnerability . ( not bad scary) Scary like he holds a piece of my heart in his hands. He has hurt my feeling before and will probably do it again. I can tell him what bothers me, this is not gaurentee he changes. There are NO GAURENTEES.

Any married people come to these conclusions ever? What do you do next?

This seems real in a way that is different than my other relationships. I feel unready. I feel scared. I feel like this is something I must do.

[princess81]

Are you married or getting married I am trying to really get were you are coming from?

What is it that you feel you must do?

[Aschleigh]

I'm not married. I'm not getting married.

I have to change a bit. I worry so much it effects my relationship.

Maybe I'm ok and I just need to chill.

[melrich]

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I controlled someone (or the relationship for that matter). Being in love is always a risk and mostly worth taking.

[talo]

One thing that occurs to me if : I have no control anymore.

If I want to be in a relationship with him, I will have no control of him cheating on me. I can't control how much time we spend together ( he wants a lot of alone time ) , I can't control him at all. I have to trust him. I don't like trusting people, it's scary. I have to let go daily. I have to give up and surrender and hope things work out, daily.

 

In love, you do not _have_ to do anything. Love is not about being out of control, nor is it controlling.

 

This is the scariest relationship I have ever been in. Scary like intimacy and vulnerability . ( not bad scary) Scary like he holds a piece of my heart in his hands. He has hurt my feeling before and will probably do it again. I can tell him what bothers me, this is not gaurentee he changes. There are NO GAURENTEES.

 

If you are scared, you are probably 'moving too fast'. There is a difference between being scared and being excited.

 

I note that he only "holds a piece of" your heart, and not your whole heart. I imagine this is because he has hurt you feelings before and because you say he will probably do this again. These feelings need to be honoured. They are there to guide you.

 

Any married people come to these conclusions ever? What do you do next?

This seems real in a way that is different than my other relationships. I feel unready. I feel scared. I feel like this is something I must do.

You say that you feel unready and scared, and that there is something you must do. In this case, what you must do is slow down; and as you say in your second post, chill; not freeze, not be petrified. Just cool it. In a cool environment, movement is at a more leasurely pace, there is time for reflection and adjustment.

 

In a more chilled, cool, environment, love is not so frenzied, so acute, so intense.