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Friends (with benefits)

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My computer has gone weird and I can't break this up into paragraphs so its easier to read, sorry................................................. I have a male friend at university. At the start we went out on afew dates but I told him I just wanted to be friends. This was because I've never had a boyfriend, never been on a date, never actually done anything... but I didn't tell him this. I'm really really shy.


Anyway, that was last year. This year we went out again and started being more than friends.. kissing etc. but no sex. Next thing he says to me is "Are you sure about us because I don't think we are ready", so I say "I agree"; and then he says "We can still meet up as mates though, I'll let you know when I'm free".


So he wants friends with benefits? He always tells me he doesnt have time for a girlfriend but can 'make time' for me. I guess this means sex. I don't know what to do. I mean I like him but I don't want to have sex and I think he is just using me for that even though he knows I am really shy, maybe he is trying to conquer me or something?


I would rather we got to know each other more and took it slow but he was going so fast the last time I saw him, he even asked me to stay over. I don't know what I am asking you but I am going to see him everyday this year so I can't do no contact but also I can't meet up with him if all he wants is sex. He is really confident and popular at university and I am the shy girl that doesn't say much. I don't know what he sees in me other than looks if he doesn't know much else about me.

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Stand your ground and be honest if your not ready and if that is not the type of relationship that is gonna work for you (friends with benefits) let it be known and dont hold of on let him know asap.

There is nothing wrong with being shy or not ready I am sure there are plenty of good guys around that would appreciate a girl like that.

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If he wanted to 'conquer' you, why would he say that he didn't think that you two were ready for a relationship? Unless he just wanted to see if you were interested, and if he don't think you are and he supposedly is your friend I doubt he'd force anything on you.


This is really a question of how much you trust him, and of how you feel about this and about him.


Also - my guess is that as he see's you as a friend and not a girlfriend, he can make time for you as the two of you study together/he studies while you hang out/he has some free time based on what he said: "I'll let you know when I'm free". With a girlfriend I think that he would think that she would keep telling him when she wants to be with him, and him adapting to it if she expects to keep her. So having you as a friend instead of a girlfriend makes it easier for him as he decides his schedule by himself - how he would rather like it.


And what he see in you is your friendship, kindness to him and friendship I would say.


Sorry if I got a little carried away with thoughts here and/or said something inappropriate - it's late here and I'm pretty tired.




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I think you could take this both ways. I wouldn't rule out friends with benefits just yet. This may very well be what he is hinting at.


In any case dont let him pressure you into anything you are not ready for. Just because he is showing interest in you does not mean you must feel the same. If he is moving fast you may end up in a positon that you dont really want to be in. Think things over before hand and get it straight in your own mind what you are willing to do and what you aren't. If you feel like his moving the friendship into the catogry of 'friends with benefits' dont feel shy to stand up and tell him what you feel.


Take care

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