what do I do now?

[lilys.eyes]

Hey -

I'm new to the forum and I really need some support.

My boyfriend (my first love, and who I lost my virginity to) and I broke up tonight. We were in a wonderful 9 month relationship, however the past two months have been a bit rocky. I am really upset and I'm shaking and crying and angry.We broke up face to face, and at first it was mutual, but then he left and called, wanting to talk.I feel so stupid...I cried when we broke up, and I REALLY didn't want to. We just stood there gazing at each other, asking if it's what really should be happening. I asked him to go, cried a bit more, talked to my roommate and then went online. So we were talking online and I asked him to be completely honest about everything. He said that he still loves me, he just doesn't want to be with me because he's really confused. After alot of talking about him saying he wants to be with me but he doesn't know if it's right, he needs so many things right now (which is true...I can't give him those things so I said I'd be fine with a 'break' if that's what he needed).

SO after talking for a bit, he decides to be completely honest with me and tells me he has the hots for my roommate (which I suspected...although nothign would ever happen because she's my best friend and she's interested in other people, as well as the fact she doesn't like him). I got a little offended because she is quite a bit sexier then I am, and he just said he's been backing off because those thoughts really freaked him out and he wanted to avoid any situation that may hinder our relationship.

I'm not gonna lie, I am upset and a little angry. I'm shaking, and I'm cold, but at the same time I keep thinking I brought this on myself because I brought up the idea of a break up .... seeing as how it seemed healthiest.

One of my friends is saying I should be mad at him - how he had the hots for my roommate. But he didn't do anything, and in my mind the fact that he separated himself makes it seem like he wanted to make sure he doesn't hurt me. I could just tell when he started distancing himself from me, and things started falling apart a couple days after that.

As of right now, he says he loves me and he wants to be with me, he just doesn't know what to do.

Nor do I.

I'm in school 6 days a week for 11 hour days, so I'm really busy, but he's joining the program in another two months (we're both in theatre).

Please help!

[friscodj]

Hey lilys.eyes, welcome to ENA! Good to have you around here...feel free to PM me or any other Royal Member on here anytime you want...

 

I'm so sorry to hear of your situation. The memory of the first love is strong and lasting one.

 

First of all, you should feel however you feel. Feelings are out of your control. What you do with them is in your control.

 

I say let yourself be angry, hurt, however you feel. Don't fight them. Cry your eyes out in public restrooms if you have to, take walks at night and go somewhere you can cry and yell, and definitely absorb yourself in things you truly enjoy, like your schooling. All these things have worked for me...not cures...but little escapes...

 

And look, the trigger has been pulled, the break-up has happened. And you say it was mutual, which leads me to believe that there were little, quiet voices telling you both this thing just wasn't right. Remember that talk, remember those voices, remember what was said when you are holding the phone in tears wanting to dial his number and hear his voice at 2 am while you can't sleep. Realize your heart will sink when you see him and you will hurt for a while. Prepare for worse than the worse and when the situation is just "worse"...to you it will be better than expected...

 

And he says "he loves you and wants to be with you"? So why isn't he then? Because he is confused? My guess is feelings of detachment, lonliness, fear of grief, etc. are confusing him. Don't play games. The break-up happened for a reason, a valid reason strong enough to cause it to happen in the first place. It is easy to go back for the wrong reasons though. Let's cross that bridge if/when it comes down to it...

 

For now, detach, disappear, vanish. Your first love is a memory, accept it and start moving on. You might see him but "he" isn't the same person anymore.