jealousy's downward spiral

[singingnotflying]

I'm jealous of almost every woman we come accross, for both their beauty & their intelligence, & I'm jealous of the women in the porn pictures my partner looks at on occasion. I'm 30, just had our son four months ago, & am a bit overweight & saggy & stretchmark-y everywhere. I'm also in a downward spiral over this issue... I'm depressed, & I know that it's not attractive to be depressed... which makes me even MORE depressed that I'm not attractive, and so on. He's 27 years old, very handsome (almost did a modeling gig), basically the most intelligent person I've ever met (which tends to make me feel intimidated, although that's not his intention), he's been in several relationships (the last of which was with a woman that made practically every guy's jaw drop), & he's never cheated on anyone. I honestly believe he'd never cheat on me. He's very family-oriented & very honest. He gets that from his dad. Anyway, I know these are my own hangups... the ol' low self-esteem issues coming back to hit me again. I'm sick of it! I really want to finally love myself unconditionally so that I believe him when he says he's attracted to me... & so I don't even blink when a skinny, younger, smiley, witty woman stops to chat. I'm too old to feel like a sad, introspective adolescent. Some folks' advice is to exercise, to keep occupied, to write, etc... but I'm so depressed (& busy with an infant 24/7) that I don't begin. I'm a poet who hasn't written a poem for over a year! It's getting ridiculous.

[Caine]

i'm going through a really similar thing right now, e.g partner says she's happy and not going to leave but I don't believe her??? It is all to do with self esteem but also I had a councelling session the other day and was adviced that because my mum was in and out of hospital when I was a kid, that has lead me to believe women will keep leaving me, could your problem be related to something from your childhood? If you have just had a child you might be suffering from post natel depression, my sister did and was going through something similar to you.

 

Try to remember, if this guy is so so great, HE's WITH YOU, nobody else which must make you a great person, he probably expected you to put on a little weight and doesn't mind, I know a lot of bloke that don't a woman that's really slim to sleep with anyway, yeah they may look good but to have sex with them isn't as great, men like to have something to cuddle believe me,

 

Try to build your self esteem by believing in yourself. try writing down these questions and then the answers, once you have the answers, you can stop worrying and start living.

1) what is the problem?

2) What's the worst possible outcome?

3) accept that outcome, and once you truly accept it, just start living and stop worrying. Believe in yourself and be strong, remember keep telling yourself 'Don't worry'

[valenski]

Believe it or not, an exercise program would help you with three of your complaints.

1. Weight loss, with a good and consistent exercise program you'll shed those unwanted pounds in no time.

2. It will also help by releasing chemicals, the body's own feel good medicine, to counter the depression.

3. Losing weight always builds confidence and you'll want to flaunt your sexy new look.

Just make up a schedule, incorperated a consistent exercise program and watch your worries melt away.

[nmduipd]

Do you deep down fear that he may leave you?

 

Or is it more that you believe that he will stay with you but all the time will find someone else more attractive?

 

Are you afraid that he secretly wishes to be with them?

 

Or is it just pure jealousy with no apparent underlying issue, sort of "l'art pour l'art"?

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

My BF does not look at porn, and I havn't had children, but I feel like the worst looking woman in the whole flaming world, I know how you feel. EXACTLY how you feel.