I have accepted it's over

[Nikki23]

Hi guys, I've come back on here just to get your views on things as it always helps so much and 'saying it like it is' is what you need to hear. I really want to say thanks to people that have taken the time to give me advice because I do really appreciate it and it has helped me from making sooo many mistakes in the past.

 

I have finally accepted that things are over with my ex after 3 months. I don't hold out hope anymore, in fact I was meant to meet him at the weekend to talk over bills and to just talk about the breakup because he said he didn't want to leave it like this, but I didn't go and he got really annoyed.

 

I've been reading a book and I've come to so many realisations. He wasn't perfect, but I've realised I was looking to him to make me happy instead of myself. When he lost his job and had to rebuild his career I wasn't supportive and strong for him, I just nagged that he didn't spend time with me when I should have been a strength for him at that time instead of a weak idiot who held him back. I now look back and realise I really hadn't grown enough as a person (it was my first relationship) and was bringing too much negativity into things. He did try and communiacte with me in an adult fashion but we just weren't on the same page and he would have a problem controlling his anger. There was so much resentment on his part because he knew I wasn't supportive or what he needed and mine came from him not wanting to do things together and not making me a priority in his life, just like a vicious cycle that he understood but I didn't. He was in tears when he realised that we were never going to work and the reason it got so screwed up near the end is because he just knew that he couldn't make me understand and just gave up. I know he loved me and we were so passionate, he didn't want to break it off but he just knew that it was never going to work and for our own sanity had to end it. We never had closure or talked about the breakup properly when it ended.

 

I KNOW it's over but I can't help but want to send him an email or something because I don't want things to be left in this way with none of us knowing that I now understand the problems that we had. I know he would talk about it if I contacted him because he has wanted to do that but I just don't know if this is a flash in the pan idea that is going to cause me pain and I'm not thinking clearly. Does anyone have any views on this?? xxx

[NJRon]

Give yourself a week. Think more on yourself, your past, how you are going to change how you interact in the future.

 

If, at the end of that week, you still feel like you would contact him, then you will probably be in a better frame of mind to do so. Let your thoughts gel a bit more.

[Nikki23]

NJRon yeah I think that's a good idea, thanks! I've just come to these conclusions so I could be focusing too much on what I've done wrong and not on his part in things, I have the tendency to act on impulse and not think things through! xx

[blender]

That's good advice, take "TIME"..

panic + emotions + NO time + re-act = BAD...

panic + emotions + some time + thought = GOOD.

 

Write out what you want to say to him and wait a day and then read it to YOURSELF, do this for a week, and you will be VERY GLAD you did this emotional work FIRST before you consider calling him.