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When to be direct/upfront?


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This is one thing that has always baffled me. I was reading this thread

 

 

 

which, in short, is about the thread starter wanting a fling and not a relationship, and being unsure if the guy in question reciprocates her intentions. So if both parties sense that the other just wants a casual fling, when is it appropriate to have an upfront conversation with the about what your/their intentions are? Like if you just want to make sure they're on the same page as you, is it ever a good idea to just bring it up and be blunt about it? Like saying "look, lets just be honest with each other, we both want it, blah blah...." Or do you guys think that it kills the 'sexual vibe' and does more harm than good?

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What has always worked for me is when the guy is up front but not overwhelming or needy/clingy. I do not want to hear when we first meet "I can't wait to get married" or "I can't seem to meet anyone who wants a serious relationhip!" It's enough, when we first meet - if in general he talks about his goals where marriage/family is among the long term goals. I too am up front as far as making it clear - in a nice way yet firm - that I do not want a fling. This usually comes up in the first few dates if not earlier (in on line dating it was easier because it was right in my profile) - it comes up naturally if the man invites me back to his place or asks to see mine, etc. I've been told - as a compliment- that I give off the kind of vibe that says I am traditional and "a lady" so it is no surprise to me when men who are interested share their intentions and goals fairly early on.

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