Uncle has cancer, probably terminal state now

[Belgian girl]

Hello there,

I'm not sure if this is the best topic to place this and probably I won't get reactions, maybe I will get some like All the best etc., but I just want to write that they've discovered cancer (in his arms, other places,..) and they even needn't do surgery. Sorry, can't find all those english words to translate what I want to write down without using a dictionary (I'm in my exams now so I will expand this message a little later). I only want to ask, is there someone with advice how to go on with this situation for people like me, close family? How to go on with him For example, I'm doubting to write him a card, order and let deliver him flowers,.. because maybe it'll give him less support. Haven't spoken much to my aunt since they discovered (I usually don't just because of the distance, only family beings and telephone). Haven't seen him for months (because he didn't join those family beings anymore). This week his two arms become broken, he's in the hospital now. Every advice is welcome, how small it is. Or if someone has been in a sort of same situation. It's just a situation I guess without hope. Maybe because I can't do anything about it and guess there is nothing to do against it, that I found my way to go on with him as the only thing I could do my best on. Thanks for reading. The best to you all..

[PutYourBackIntoIt]

I would send a card if you can't get to the hopsital to see him. My mother passed away in February from lung cancer, and if you can, spend as much time with him as possible. The day before my mother went into her coma like state before death, I told her I loved her and I'm so glad I did. We weren't very close, as we butted heads all the time but I'm so happy that I got to hold her and tell her how much I loved her before she left.

[Dr. Faust]

I'm sorry about what happened. I've been in a similar situation, my mother died of cancer. The best thing to do is talk with your uncle. It doesn't need to be about anything special, just talk.

[Belgian girl]

Yeah, that's a good advice. I would be very afraid and restless I guess if I would be in that situation. Talking would make someone feel less alone and perhaps stop worrying for a moment. I also thing it's very good to keep being stable, not getting too emotional or at least not whole the time. But staying as open as possible and do a lot of listening.

Yeah, telling the things you'ld otherwise regret that you didn't say them is another important thing, thank you two so much also for the quick respond. I feel sorry for you two.

I don't expect I can visit him within a few weeks/month. Still having exams and I don't go home very much and from there, they are living in the Netherlands so still quiete a distance. Asked my dad if it would be good if I send a card but he answerd (computer) that he's going to visit them one of these days and will bring over my thinking about him etc.. Reason that I was doubting about it is that before he got the results of the research, a lot of people already expected there won't be good news. But one of them told me, it could be a bad idea to directly tell him that, because there's a chance that it will make him lose hope and the will to keep trying and going on. One of those day's he will be operated for his arms (humerus). Will be kept together with an iron pin.

Also doubting if I should tell my exbf about it, but he let me know he's busy with avoiding me as much as he can and I guess he could already know that there's something with one of my familymembers (forum he's visiting as well, nickname on MSN although he blocked me but his brother hasn't).. so guess I won't. He liked my uncle, they've talked a lot on a family being.

[Belgian girl]

if there's more advice please let me know (or how to go on with my aunt)

[Belgian girl]

My dad just asked me (email) if I could write a message for my aunt, she's going to stay overnight today and then he will show her.

It's not so easy I think, could anyone give me little advice?

[RelaxByWater84]

If you can make it to your uncle in the hospital don't feel afraid to touch him. A touch from someone can make a lot of difference. Cancer survivors have said that when they were in the hospital the thing they missed the most was human touch. And hug your aunt that helps a lot. Hope this helps.

[Belgian girl]

it's only to send my aunt a MAIL at this moment and I don't know what to write (yeah a few lines I can but then I don't know anymore what to 'say')..

Thanks for responding however, if I get the chance to visit I'ld do

[Belgian girl]

he died Sunday, in the morning (for me yesterday, maybe b/c of the time-difference still today for some people..). Not to write down with the meaning to get a lot of condoleances and good wishes but just to let it know so there's no need anymore to react on that part of this topic (though it could probably be usefull to other people to read) and to ask if there's something more I can do for my aunt. It seems the family will see her on Wednesday or the day after. My nephew said she sounded OK and strong but I don't forget it's possible that the reaction can come with some delay. She must be very tired and have need to rest now b/c she stayed with him in the hospital the last few days to take care of him (she has been primary nurse). Now my other aunt stays with her and the family has helped today with things that has to be done in function of the next few days.

[Belgian girl]

and I wrote a card for her to put on the post today..

[RelaxByWater84]

I'm sorry to hear that your uncle passed away. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. If you need anything just PM and I will see what I can do.

[Belgian girl]

thank you for your kind words and being there for me

my aunt is quite OK at the moment, she can see it objective and realistic but it's still a bigg loss and our family do miss him