Really confused

[jscott2124]

Ok this is my first post here and I hope someone can give me some insight as to what is going on.

I dated and was engaged for a coworker for 18 months. We dated for 6 months and were engaged for a year. She has 2 small children from a previous marriage and I have a son from a previous marriage. We started dating about 2 months after her divorce and I had been divorced at the time for about 5 years. In the beginning I tried to take things slow because I knew she was just coming out of an 11 year marriage. She kept insisting she was really in love with me and after 6 months of steady dating I asked her to marry me and she accepted. This past summer I had my son the entire time he was out of school and we didn't get to spend as much time together as we has before he came. I was basically living with her and kids before my son came for the summer. Things were going well i thought between us until about 3 months ago. She started getting real moody and distant and I thought it was because we hadn't been spending as much time together. I tried time and time again to get her to talk to me and tell me what was going on but she said she was just really having a hard time being away from me so much and that she really missed me being with her all the time. I tried to spend more time with her but she became even more distant. We always celebrated our monthly anniversary by giving cards or presents but the last 2 months it was only me giving the cards. I finally told her how much this upset me and she said she was just having second thoughts about everything and was letting little things get to her. The day my son went back home to his mother's after his summer break I went to her house thinking things were going to return to normal, i.e. i would go back to living virtually with her and her kids. On that day she told me she thought we had moved too quickly and she needed time alone. I told her i totally understood. The next day at work I went to her office to return her house key and she looked at me like she didn't even know who i was. I emailed her and asked if we were really over. She replied and said we were for now and that she didn't really know what she wanted right now and she didn't want to hurt me. I replied that i understood and that for her to take her time and i would wait for her. That night on my way home I saw her car parked at an apartment about a block from my house. I turned in to see if it was hers and it was. I knew who lived at the apartment. It was a guy she said was her friend and that she had met at the place where she went to get coffee every morning. I tried to explain it away to my self that he was her friend and she was just over there talking to him trying to sort out her feelings about us and the relationship. The next day she emailed me and said she felt like she was making a huge mistake by letting me go and that she was regretting what she was doing. We talked and went to lunch together and everything seemed to be back on track for us. She told me she just needed someone to tell her what to do because she was confused. I told her I couldn't tell her what to do but that i loved her and nothing was going to change that. The next day I emailed her good morning and got a response from her stating that hated to do this over email but she was letting me go. She went on to say that she thought i was the best man ever and that she loved me and would always love me but she had to do what she thought was best. I emailed back and asked for an explanation and she was really vague and just said she thought we were going anywhere any more and just needed some time with her kids alone because she didn't think she had took enough time for herself after the divorce. I still wanted an better explanation but i took that one because it was the only one she had at the time. The next night i went her house to retrieve the rest of the things i had at her house. She told me the main reasons for the breakup was because she needed financial security which she didn't think she could get from me, i was to close to my ex and her family, and once again she needed time alone. After she said that came up and hugged me and started crying. I could tell she really still loved me and that she was having a hard time so i told her i was giving up on us and that was still going to love her no matter what. I didn't try to contact her again for about a week and then i sent a text message just telling her I loved and missed her and hoping she was doing ok. I never got a response from her on that so it kinda hurt. The next day I found out from some mutual friends that the guy whose house she was seen by me at the night before our breakup was not just her friend. The were seeing each other and been seeing each other apparently before she broke up with me. I of course was angry and text messaged her stating i knew about the other guy and that she was a coward for not telling me. the next day i met with her to retrieve the last of my belongings i had at her house and i asked her why she lied and said they things she had said about financial security, my ex and her family, and needing to be alone. I told her i knew the real reason for the breakup was the other guy. She denied it and said all the reasons for the breakup were things that were wrong with me and that the new guy didn't have anything to do with it. I called her a liar and told her that to me she never existed and was dead to me. That was the last actual contact i had with her until last week. I had went 3 weeks without contacting her in any way but i had been seeing her car at the new guys house about 3 times a week. I had seen her several times a work but i ignored her and acted like i didn't ever see her. Everytime i had seen her she kinda was looking at me semi smiling i guess hoping i would acknowledge her or talk to her. Finally last week I practically run into her in the break room at work and she looks at me and smiles and says HI! I kinda glance at her and say what's up. We both went for the scoop for the ice machine but i got it first so I was going to be nice and let her use it first. when i hand her the scoop she grabs it in the same place my hand is and brushes her fingers accross mine. and it wasn't an innocent oops sorry gesture either. She did it on purpose because she knew i still had very deep feelings for me. The next day i had to go over close to her office to work on something and after i left the person i was working with emails me and said she had come out of her office and asked if i had been over there because she heard my voice.

I guess my question is is why is she doing these things now? I have made it clear by ignoring her that i don't want anything to do with her while i am trying to get over what she has done to me. I know she is still seeing the new guy, but at the same time i know he isn't seeing only her but 2 other girls instead. this is the woman i was going to spend the rest of my life with and she threw all that away with her lies and the cheating. I want to hate her but i can't. all i can wonder is why did she do this and why is she trying to hurt me even further by trying to make me thinks she still cares for me? Ihave really been hurt by this woman badly and the person she is acting like now is not the person I ever saw during i whole relationship. She said she never wanted to hurt me but it seems like she went out of her way to make sure she did. Does anyone on here know what in the world this woman is trying to do and what her motives are? Any help and or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

[Rain__man]

J, everyone here wants to help, but I really don't think anyone is going to be able to read through that... it's just plain illegible. Can you try to say all the important parts in a few sentances?

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

I am sorry to say that this woman does not respect you. She cheated on you.

It is at best to get over her and move on with your life.

You will be in a limbo if you continue with her, because she will go for one guy and another one.

[jscott2124]

Sorry I messed the post up. In a nut shell. we dated for 18 months, were engaged for the past year. Work together, saw each other every day, I was practically living with her and her 2 kids until this summer when my son stayed with me. She said she needed time alone. I said ok no problem. Then she said she made a mistake, was messing up the best thing that ever happened to her, blah blah blah. We were together again for one day then she emailed me to tell me she was letting me go. No explanations until I forced them out of her and they were she needed time alone, needed financial stability, and someone with no baggage. Turns out she was already seeing someone else. Don't know if it was physical cheating but was most definitely emotional cheating. Found this out a week after the breakup. I confronted her, she denied the new guy had anything to do with it. I called her a liar and that was the last contact I had with her. I still see her at work and she tries to look at me and get me to talk to her and she has said hi to me but I kinda brush her off. I still love her but I think she is playing mind games with me and is talking about me at work. Does anyone have any idea what is going through this woman's head because she is driving me crazy!!!

 

Thanks for the help in advance.