Is it over????

[noway]

I have been dating this man for almost 4 years, we have been living together for 2 years. For me it was love at first sight. We were friends for almost a year before we had any type of intimate contact. We have the same goals in life and both see the same things for ourselves in 5, 10, 15, years down the road. And it is together. But we grew up differently, he grew up with a 2 parent family with very little affection, I grew up in a single parent family with no supervision. I am impulsive and need affection. He is more conservitive and requires very little affection. The first time I told him "I love you" he told me "I think your pretty cool too". Many months later "I love you"/"your a good girl". I quit telling him because to me that is rejection. I would rather not. I know they are just words but I need to hear from him that he loves me, that he needs me, that he wants to be with me. I have tried telling him this but he just blows it off as some kind of tantrum that I am throwing. He is so reserved with his feeling that I am never really quit sure where I stand. I want to spend the rest of my life with him but I am 37 with 2 kids and want some type of emotional stability in my life. When we have sex it is the best I have ever had. But we only have sex about 2-3 time a month. I was married for 12 years and even up to the point of leaving I was having sex 5-6 week. I am feeling very insecure, his parents are visiting only 45 miles away, they have been here 3 weeks and I have only seen them once. He goes there every night after work and comes home late at night. He never asks me if I want to drive up and meet them for dinner. Is he just using me to pass the time???? This only scratches the surface of my feelings.

[Genesis]

It looks as if due to his upbringing maybe he does not know how to show you very much affection.

 

I would be concerned that he has not let you meet his parents. When a man is deeply in love with you he wants you to meet his parents, and usually the parents are dying to meet their childs love interest.

 

This family may just have some type of disconnection with people they may be very anti-social which may have nothing to do with you.

 

The big problem that I see is that he has not told you he loves you.

Has he at least said it by now, since you have been dating for 4 years?

 

If he has not said I Love you by now, you should consider breaking up with him. There is no reason to continue to live with an emotionally void man. If you are 37 you are still young and can date other men, do not let this guy waste you precious time on this earth.

 

My ex and I broke up, it took him loosing me to see that he was really in love with me. You can not stay with a man who may not really be in love with you. I have read stories here where some men have dated women for 6-10 years and were never really in love with them.

 

You need to have a talk to him about his feelings for you. If it does not get better you may have to dump him.

[babycristy456]

If it's been 4 years and he has trouble telling you how he feels and you still don't know where you stand with him, then you should have a serious conversation with him. You want a stable relationship, and he isn't showing you much besides unsureness, then you might want to take action and see where you and him are heading. If he doesn't even introduce you to his parents, then there might be something wrong.

 

I suggest you talk and tell him how you feel, and find out where you stand in his life and his plans for your future. If he doesn't have any intentions, then you might want to take some actions.

 

Good luck

[noway]

I have met his family, his parents live out of the country. His mom has been here 3 times since in the last 4 years, his dad only once. I have met them. His grandparents are great, and his sister is great. I can not have any more childeren and he has none. He is next in line to take over the family. I think that is part of the problem, we have talked about solutions to this. I am game for anything I just want to have him in my life. We had a big blow out on Friday, I got rid of the kids, had a nice steak dinner, bottle of wine, ect.... he got home at 12:30 am. My feeling were hurt. We had both had a little bit to drink, I let it all out of the bag and he just looked at me like I was crazy. I left and spent the night watching the stars on the beach. I came home in the morning, took a nap and tried to talk to him again. But he just puts up a wall and won't let me in. Our weekend was trashed. I can't sleep because all I do is think about what is wrong. I know I can't fix it by myself. I tell him how I feel, he listens and then it is all over. He goes on like nothing happened.

[Genesis]

You should talk to him again and tell him how you feel.

 

 

Give him some space, he is taking you for granted.

 

 

In your next relationship do not live with a man unless he is your husband, I do not think the living together helps.

 

He already thinks of you as variable that is constant and will not ever leave that is why he does not listen to you or try to change.

 

What was he doing out so late did he know that you had plans or was it a surprise?

 

 

Do you think he is having an affair?

 

He may just feel pressured by alot of things, give him some space.

 

He may resent you for not being able to have kids, but you can adopt.

 

If he has not asked you to marry him by now or at least in the near future, maybe he is having second thoughts about your relationship.

 

Be patient with him, and talk to him in a peaceful not threathing way. Things will work out.

[noway]

My dinner was the surprise, he has been spending so much time with his family. They were gone for the weekend so I thought he would be home. He worked late, and then went to socialize with his co-workers. He does not have any friends here and I have lived here most of my life so I do. I was upset because we haven't had much alone time, and he chose to spend it with the people he works with. He works an hour away from home, when he called I told him I had a nice dinner planned but it was already cold, and I told him to be carefull and have fun. I didn't think he would be that long. I know that I need to tell him to leave and figure out what he wants to do. I just can't imagine being with out him, he has helped me so much. He has helped me cope with my disfunctional family and made me and my kids stronger. My mom, stepdad, and ex are serious alcholics. He has created some type of shield around us that makes us (my kids, and I) feel safe and normal. I know he loves me I can see it in his eyes, and the way he touches me. He makes me feel the love I just really need to hear it. As far as marrage is concerened I know he is getting pressure from his grandparents to do it, and his parents are pressuring him to think of the future. Adoption is not really an option the next in line for the family needs to be blood, or the respect will not be there. I think that he is scared and if he just avoids the issue he won't have to address it.

[Genesis]

Maybe you shoud look into fertility treatment.

 

I would ask him straight out if he loves you.

 

I can see where he was coming from about the dinner, when you said that it was already cold and that he should have fun, you were giving him permission to stay out late.

 

I think you could be more understanding about that issue.

 

Men are dumb sometimes you have to tell them exactly what you want. He figured O well I might as well stay out b/c she said the dinner is cold and to have fun, so I am going to have fun.

 

Be clear with what you want next time, apologize to him and tell him that you are sorry but you also need talk about furture plans.

 

He may want a child of his own so, your relationship may be in jeopardy.

 

Give it about six months to try to work things out. Try to make him fall in love with you again.

 

Men like understanding women who support them and make them feel good about themselves.

 

If the two of you are not going to get married in the next couple years I do not see any reason for you to be living together like a family if you are not one.

 

You need to talk to him or you will never know how he feels. Write down everything you want to say to him so you can be focused.

 

 

Find a time when you two can talk for at least 2-3 hours with out distraction.

 

and NO FIGHTING, WHINNING, and NAGGING NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO.

 

This is what makes men not want to talk to us.

 

Good Luck I think you can work things out.

 

You can not live in a bubble forever and not know what is going on with the man who loves you. TALK ,TALK, TALK it is the only way you will know where you stand with him.

[noway]

That is what I was thinking, I was only thinking 3 months. I wrote a letter to him, I haven't given it to him. I will be leaving on Thursday for 5 days for a much needed alone time. I want to have a heart to heart talk with him before I leave but I will probably leave him a letter and try to talk to him when I get home. I didn't mean to start a fight about him staying out, and I did tell him to have fun. I would have done the same as he did. Thank you for your advice it helps to talk and throw out my thoughts.

[Jgirl]

Maybe you should really sit down and think about what you want out of a relationship. If he can't say something as simple as I love you and that's important to you then it's time to walk. I know it's easy to say but do what makes you happy. Yes, it could be true that maybe this is the type of person he is but that doesn't justify the fact that he can't say I love you. What does his actions say? Does his actions say I love you, maybe he is saying he loves you through non-verbal communication and you just haven't picked up on it. I don't understand why you don't have sex that often unless the both of you agree not to do so to strengthen the relationship. It sounds like there could be some other women or he's been badly hurt in the past. My advice is to be a good listener to him and allow him to talk without being to judgmental. Tell him more about how you feel without offending him. For example, say I feel ______ when you do this or can you do this _______?