HUGE mistake!!! broke NC

[lozic21]

Uggggh, I made a HUGE mistake last night...I emailed my ex back!!! A little background info: I have been with him for 3 years and 10 months, and he is currently in Iraq due to come back in a couple of weeks. Well I found out semi recently that he had cheated on me before he left and so I broke up with him and was absolutely devastated. Since, he has apologized a million times and continues to e mail me every day telling me how much he loves and misses me etc, none of which I had responded to. (I had implimented NC for almost 2 weeks and was doing a lot better).

 

Well last night he makes a little movie on his digital camera telling me how much he loves me and misses me and wishes I was there for him when he gets home, he was almost in tears and I can tell he has lost some weight.

 

Well actually seeing him and hearing his voice just killed me, and I mailed him back telling him thank you for the video and I miss him too...but I can't be with him when he has cheated on me and treated me like that after I was 100% faithful to him for almost 4 years. --and this is his 2nd time in Iraq, plus I'm in college and still had never even kissed another guy during our whole relationship.

 

Anyway, I feel like I'm back at square one. Now after emailing him for a grand total of like 5 minutes I am missing him and want to see him when he gets home. WHY WHY WHY did I even write him back???? I sooo regret breaking NC and the fact that I miss him so much.

 

I guess I just need support b/c he has written me numerous times now and I'm fighting the urge to reply I never thought when he left for Iraq that would be the last time I would ever see him...and w/ him coming home soon I'm so sad. I'm moving back to college tomorrow and am going to miss him immensely. How is it possible to hate and love someone so much at the same time?

[Orlander]

I'm sorry you are so sad, lozic. Love and Hate are closely related. In fact, the opposite of love is not hate, its indifference.

 

You have made your choice not to talk to him anymore and he should be respectful of your decision. Afterall, what did he think would happen when you found out he cheated?? Did he really believe he could "win" you back??

 

but I can't be with him when he has cheated on me and treated me like that after I was 100% faithful to him for almost 4 years

BRAVO to you!!! I see soooo many people struggle with this over and over again. From my experience, if someone cheats once, they will cheat again. Ask yourself if you want to go through the heartache now or later when you have gotten married, had children, bought a house together and find out that he cheated again.

 

Starting NC over again is really not that big of a deal. The key is to find out why you werent able to keep NC and fix it so it doesnt happen again. You discovered that you are suspectible to reading his emails. Well, maybe its time to block them or get another email address, phone number, etc.

 

Good luck and just know that it does get better.

 

 

Orlander

[Lady Bugg]

Hmmm you could always save face by mailing him ONE more time..and say you hope you did not lead him to believe you were open to further contact..and that though you wish him well, you would appreciate him respecting your wishes and not contact you again. This way he is not confused by your message..and you stil have the "ball" in your court.

[shorty20]

well, from your post there are a few things I'd like to adress... first off, my fiance is in the army and one thing that I've learned by talking to other people in the military that have been overseas is that you should never ever break up with them while they are in such a dangerous position. It will lessen their ability to focus on their job and staying safe because they will be worrying and thinking about you. That's one thing I vowed to never do... if my fiance and I ever break up (I don't think we will, but if we do) I wouldn't break up with him while he's away. You don't want to be responsible for something hapening to him... not that you would be but you might blame yourself. With that being said... he cheated on you. Now you need to really look into everything and decide if it was a one time thing or if he'll do it again. Decide for yourself whether you can take him back or not... if you can't, I would initiate NC again, and try hard to stick with it. I know it's hard, but just ask him to leave you alone. tell him you're sorry but you can't be with him.

[Considerate Empath]

Hmmm you could always save face by mailing him ONE more time..and say you hope you did not lead him to believe you were open to further contact..and that though you wish him well, you would appreciate him respecting your wishes and not contact you again. This way he is not confused by your message..and you stil have the "ball" in your court.

 

This reminds me of that time in the movie "Get Shorty" when John Travolta broke into the girls house the second time to apologize for breaking in the first time... It worked, only those two ended up as a couple in the end...

 

 

Sorry back to topic:

 

Hang in there lozic! Change your phone number and email-adress, and maybe go hang out with some friends or do something to get that smile back on your face

 

 

Best wishes

 

//C.E.

[Orlander]

While I can understand what Shorty20 is saying, I think that what is done is done. Lozic, you have already made your decision and have already broken up with him. You have your own morals and standards and it is your right to breakup with him because of his infidelity.

 

You are not punishing him with your words and actions. You are only doing what is in your heart. It is unfortunate that he had to go through this while in Iraq, but you have to understand that you did not do anything wrong.

 

 

Orlander

[rose2summer]

Lozic,

 

Stick with your decision.

 

Stay away from this guy,

 

Don't let the fact he is stationed in a war zone effect your decision,

 

You didn't force him to cheat, he did it on his own,

 

So let him deal with the repercussions,

 

Which are having you out of his life,

 

I am sorry you are having a rough time after breaking NC,

 

By breaking NC, you put the ex into your immediate memory,

 

So they are in the forefront of your short-term memory thoughts,

 

If you go back to NC, you push him into distant memory,

 

We all have weak moments where we broke NC,

 

I sure did, see I broke-up 29 days ago, but my NC has been for 9 days,

 

Don't get upset with yourself for doing it,

 

Just try and maintain NC from here on it.

 

Hugs!

 

Rose

[Lady Bugg]

I disagree with Shorty on this. Him being in Iraq should bear NO reasons for NOT wanting contact. It was his choice to cheat..regardless if he's in the military or not. I understand Shorty is maybe a little biased with her b/f being in the military...but she still needs to make it clear that she is serious about her decision. Anything less than that would be undignified. ..IMO.

[lozic21]

Yeah, him being in Iraq didn't affect my decision, because frankly I'm pretty sure he probably still e mails this girl--so she can deal with him. If he's mailing her theres no telling who else he is planning on meeting up with after coming home. I told him when I did mail him last night that I could never be with him b/c I don't trust him and never will. However I did tell him that I do love and miss him very much and probably always will have love for him in some way. (he was my first everything). I wouldn't let him call me because I knew it would be too difficult and I would cry on the phone with him. I'm sure he misses all the care packages I sent and letters I would write him every week, not to mention at least talking to him a couple hours a day online.

 

I left it with this last night "I hope you have a safe flight home and I'm proud of you with your new job, I know how excited you are and how hard you have worked for this, I sincerely do hope it goes well, take care of yourself. love you" (he got promoted to another thing which he has always wanted to be involved with...sort of like special forces)

 

The thing that kills me is that I know I will NEVER see him again you know? After almost 4 years and all that we've been through, I will never even see or hear his voice, or laugh again. (There is really no chance of me running into him again seeing that he is going to be sent to North Carolina when he gets back home). Like sometimes I think I would just want to see him, or give him a hug one last time...but I know if I did that I would break down.

 

I should never have even watched that video...he knew it would break me! lol...I'm starting over with NC again today--he has already mailed me twice and I haven't responded. Hopefully starting back up school will help take my mind off him and I can meet new people!

 

Thank you guys for all your replies, truly. It does help me to stay strong since the reality of him coming back to the US is sooo close, I think that makes all this even a little bit tougher. Reading your posts makes me feel a lot better!

[shorty20]

I didn't mean to make you feel like you made a bad decision to break up with this guy. He cheated, he deserved what he got. I was just trying to bring a different perspective to the table. I also am biase, I admit, since my fiance is in the military. I honestly don't know how I"d handle it if I found out he cheated on me. So, Just wanted to tell you you're making the right decision for you, and I agree with other posters that everyone slips up with NC... all you can do is start it again. I'm sure you'll meet lots of new people when school starts and you'll be able to keep your mind off of him. Good luck!

[lozic21]

No, I totally understand shorty. Heck several months ago I would have probably said the same thing. Thats why I initially did continue to talk to him sometimes, a little out of guilt because of the situation he is in and everything. I didn't want him to get killed and think I hate him or anything. That's a big reason, even though I am extremely mad at him for hurting me--I still told him I love him. But, continuing to talk to him just hurts me more in the long run, so I implimented NC. I do love him very much but it's impossible for me to ever see him in the same way again, or ever be in a relationship with him again. Thanks for your response, I appreciate it!