I need some advice, and the company would be nice too :)

[PeachesFelix]

Dear All,

 

I have never written in a forum like this before, but I was feeling so alone that I wrote 'getting over being dumped' into Google and this page came up.

 

The truth is I have never been dumped before. I have only ever been in one proper relationship and that is one which has just end after just under 3 years. The thing is I cannot help feeling that it is my fault, and due to the nature of the relationship I can no longer talk to my friends about it, for I have been moaning at them for about two years now. You see, sometimes the relationship was abusive, but I didn't understand at the beginning and I let it happen, and then it would only happen occasionally, so I would always take the blame, thinking it must have been me doing something.

 

I know that abuse in a relationship is not the right thing, I do understand that, and that is not even the reason I am writing here, for it has nothing to do with that now, for any damage has been done and is being dealt with. I am writing here now, because I need to feel that this will get better. I would love to know that somebody understands me, and can tell me that I am only feeling this way because thats how it's supposed to feel.

 

I feel so much regret. Not only regret that I could have acted in a better way, but also regret that I fell so hard for somebody who never intended anything serious. It was almost as if the end of university signified the end of our relationship, and that is the hardest thing because I wanted to try so hard to make this work.

 

I know that he loved me, I know that he did. But I don't understand why he didn't trust me enough to be honest with me about the way he was feeling. I was always too emotional in his eyes, even if it was to ask him to reassure me occasionally. Which was fair enough considering he never spoke about feelings, so most of the time I had to guess!

 

I'm sorry this has been such a long and probably convoluted post. I would not be surprised even if it were never read. All I know is that just writing this has helped me a little bit. And I'm sorry if it was dull, but a little piece of me went with him, and I feel like I don't know what to do now.

 

Thanks for reading this if you got this far It's a comforting thought to think that somebody I 've never met might care enough to try to understand what I am feeling, without having to be asked.

[Iceman26]

 

The thing is I cannot help feeling that it is my fault, and due to the nature of the relationship I can no longer talk to my friends about it, for I have been moaning at them for about two years now. You see, sometimes the relationship was abusive, but I didn't understand at the beginning and I let it happen, and then it would only happen occasionally, so I would always take the blame, thinking it must have been me doing something.

 

 

Welcome to enotalone.

 

The same thing brought me here, when I left a very abusive relationship.

 

I am sorry to hear you relationship did not end well, but perhaps this will be a good change for you (as it was for me), and give you time to think about what mistakes you felt you made, take what steps you need to heal and improve yourself, and use that experience to improve upon yourself and future relationships.

[shorty20]

well, you've come to the right place!! I think almost all of us here have been through what you're going through at some point or another. It does get better! If all you need is encouragment, we can give you that! I think at times like this, it's important to stay strong. Don't let the good times you guys had together take over your mind and erase the bad. There were bad times, otherwise there wouldn't have been a break up... keep your head up and I think during a break up it's most important to stop thinking with your heart and think with your head... good luck, and post here as much as you need to! *huggs*

[Beec]

PeachesFelix, first welcome, and then please know that for most, it eventually does get better. It takes longer for some than others, but for most it gets better.

 

And it does sound like it's a good thing that it is over. Abusive relationships are destructive for all invovled, mostly for the abused.

[amtjrtcet]

Welcome to ENA.

It is normal to feel so much pain when healing from a breakup. "healing" is a process, and it takes time. And much like a rollercoaster ride. One day you'll be fine, the next day in pieces, and back to being ok again. Give yourself time, go through the motions. Cry when you need to, yell when you need to....but just try to keep moving forward. Having NO CONTACT with him will help the pain. Stay strong.

And this forum is full of wonderful people that will always listen.

[PeachesFelix]

Thank you so much to all who have replied here. I know that it was not great, but the end is so final and now I feel so alone that I was at a loss. I am really pleased that I know there are people here so willing to impart their advice.