your thoughts and experiences please?

[Ineedamiracle]

Discovered this site tonight and feel better already.

I used to think I had all the answers and my intuition has served my friends well in the past. There is a wee problem though.... objectivity. My relationship was ended 6 months ago by my partner after 3 years and being my first long term relationship, I often wonder whether what I'm still feeling is normal or whether Ive become my own worst nightmare

What I am curious about though is how common is the situation when a partner leaves without any contact for months and then returns. I find it quite baffling that someone can leave without effort then discover that they love this person after all a year or so down the track? I personally couldnt leave someone without putting my cards on the table and trying to resolve issues first?

[crookster_man]

Well I understand that you are quite confused about your Ex returning. I also understand that you usually feel secure in your ability to deal with most situations, however, it is nice to have an outside opinion sometimes. Rule number one about dealing with relationships; as long as it isn't destructive there is no wrong way to feel. Grief over the death of a relationship is a very personal experience. Everyone grieves in their own way. Some take longer, some dwell, some do rebounds and other try to forget. There is no right or wrong way.

 

Your situation is very common. Everyone one of my Ex's that actually meant something have returned many months down the road, some I have dated again others not. So the place you are in is not unknown territory. The questions you ask are valid. People handle situations differently. Some people, like you and me would rather face their demons head on. They would "Lay their cards on the table" and try to solve the problem at hand until every avenue was expended.

 

Unfortunately there are those who are less emotionally developed. They instead flee from problems in hopes that it will just go away. A relationship can NEVER get better from a break or a break-up. The only way a relationship can grow is for both parties to give and nurture the relationship. Your partner didn't do this and fled. Now that some time has passed, the problem seems to have been solved (or at least the pain is faded).

 

Do not forget this, if you do decided to get back together, make sure you do address the original problem. It hasn't been solved just forgotten. If you do not address the reasons you broke up, then you are doomed to repeat the same mistakes. I wish you luck; we will be here for you.

[Ineedamiracle]

thanks, my uncle told me the same thing about those that will face the problem and those who dont. I am proud to be one of the former, and it can only be a strength.

[SunnyScott]

As tough as it may seem, not going back to this person is probably the best choice.

 

The same thing happened to me before. My ex and I dated for 3 1/2 years, he broke up with me during the first year. He was so adament about it too. After 5 months, he called me back, since he was my first b/f, I got back with him.

 

During the 5 months of yearning, he partied and this and that. I was depressed, but when we got back, all of my feelings for him depleted as 3 years passed.

 

Word of advice: you'll eventually move on, even if it seems impossible.

[dazn]

After my breakup of 6 yrs...I finally picked up the pieces and tried to puzzle them back. Only until about 2 weeks ago my ex saw me hangin out with friends and a couple of friends were girls. This was probably the first time she saw me with another member of the opposite sex and as soon as the club closed she caught me by surprise and starting talking trash about how I owe her money and how my half of the rent wasnt paid and how she wasted 6 yrs of her life with me. Not to mention I took about two hits and a kick to my shin... I'm sure she was aiming at something else. My friends finanally had enough and had to separate her from me as all I wanted to talk to her as an adult and finally gets some closure. As I started unpacking some of my stuff today I found a letter she wrote about me 3 yrs ago. It was a letter she had written in school about her "favorite person" All I did was reflect for a moment, smile and then I realized she was no longer that person. A little bit of me still wants her to come crawling back but I know that would be unhealthy. So instead I'm going to mail to her that letter I found without a return address and I could only wish I could see her response from opening that letter. No need to stumble cuz when u crumble all you have left is the rumble in your heart that no longer resembles what you could of done when you were able to hold on and not fumble.