Extremely Depressed Today

[desertnomad]

Yesterday was two months since the person I considered the love of my life left me. She left a note and took off with someone else that very same day. I do not feel like I am healing very well at all. The only thought going through my head is I just am not into living anymore. I have joined some groups and made a few acquaintances but I look for her everywhere I go. We were joined at the hip and everywhere I go is another place that reminds me of her. I know I shouldnt look for her online but everytime I see her online my heart skips a beat because that was the way I felt about her. I would have done anything to save us had I known she really was going to leave. I know I could have treated her better at times and wish I had because I never wanted to be without her. I always considered her my second chance in life after a messy divorce before I met her. It tears me up to think I thought of her so special and didnt do all I could. I know she wasnt honest with me but I cant help but think I drove her away to some extent. We didnt fight alot but the stress did come between us during the week. I honestly dont think I will ever find anyone else. Her and I struggled so much and had alot of bad luck and tough times at first but then we had made it to a better place. I thought we were pointed in the right direction. I wish I could be tougher and not care at all like she seemed not to. She started nc the day she left and I didnt know she was even with someone else 'a friend' in her words for 3 weeks. The have a ld relationship it seems now but that doesnt really matter. Because she is gone for good from my life and I am at a place that I never dreamed of being at the beginning of the summer. It took so much struggling for me and her to move accross country and improve our lives I just cant imagine having the strength to ever get into any relationship again. Thanks for the comments I have received from some of you lately it helps. In the end I am still alone without her...she smiled all the time and I considered her to be my sunshine despite the occasional quarrels we would have.

[blender]

It will get easier, I promise, I too thought I'd never get over my ex, I had to force my THOUGHTS to a better place, I spent most of my days just torturing myself with thoughts of my ex.. it was so painful and difficult, it takes awhile, but you will heal, you will, rejection is god's protection. And it just wasn't meant to be.. for now.. so let go and let god. Fate is nudging you in a new direction and the best is ahead of you, try not to look in the rearview mirror too much, it only causes us to "crash emotionally", so LOOK AHEAD, THE BEST IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN... it's all about "trusting fate" it has a better plan for you, and once you are in "acceptance" the reward will be yours.. It's the resistance to the event that causes us so much suffering.. you'll get through all this.. best, blender

[NJRon]

Fate is nudging you in a new direction and the best is ahead of you.

 

I don't think I could have said it better than this. Change is always painful. you've been through rough stuff before, so you know that. This is just another spot. An opportunity to grow. When you bounce back from this, and you will, you will be stronger than you were bfore.

 

It can take a while for the joy to return. It can take a while before you can think of someone else. It may take a bit of a struggle before you are healed enough to truly move on. But when you do, it will be a beautiful thing.

[savannahohsavannah]

It's the only thing that I can think of to help you really. I think it's hard to break up anyway, but after about six weeks you should be feeling better, and if you aren't, well, that's a bad sign. A therapist can help you come to grips with the realities of your life, and accept the things that you cannot change.

Good luck to you !

Savannah

[tobetterdays]

It's the only thing that I can think of to help you really. I think it's hard to break up anyway, but after about six weeks you should be feeling better, and if you aren't, well, that's a bad sign. A therapist can help you come to grips with the realities of your life, and accept the things that you cannot change.

Good luck to you !

Savannah

 

6 weeks is nothing.. it takes months from what i hear..

 

nomad-- stay strong man. i know it sucks beyond belief. our situations are similiar except for the moving thing. you seem like a good guy..you have been really helpful to me as well. you cannot keep looking at her website though..it will tear you up inside.

[desertnomad]

thanks..I am trying to pull away from the website..its hard because she spent hours every night here on it and I contributed some to it also. I just have to come to grips with the fact that no matter what I was lacking she wasnt a trustworthy person and I didnt deserve what she did. The day she left isnt the day she left me...she left me months before when she started talking to someone else. He had even given her a pet name months before that was kind of a take off on what I called her which was really demeaning to me. The night before she left she said she wanted us to be a stronger family...I just cant understand that. I think at this point the hardest thing is that I will never see her again or probably even speak to her after she was my future. Will try to do as blender says ...look to a new future and a better fate.

[BrokenBlackWolf]

ok, i know im only 15, so sry if u dont think anything of what im saying. but i had a boyfriend for 2 years, i thought i was completely in love with him, thought i would be with him for the rest of my life. he dumped me for a girl in the grade under us. that was about 2 years ago...im still not over him. i try to tell myself i hate him for how much he hurt me, but i think i still love him some...and i have had boyfriends since, i accually have one now, but i still sometimes think about him(my ex)...so sorry buddy, but it could be a hell of a long time before you get over her, adn sorry i dont have any advice for you

[shamus]

6 weeks is nothing...

like i said before, just give yourself time.

BUT AVOID HER WEBSITE, it will only be a painful reminder.

i got rid of everything that reminded me of my ex, with the exception of a few pictures that i put in a box that i have stored away. this way maybe one day i can just look back on it as a memory.

 

i too thought i would never meet someone new, that my ex was it and i was screwed. I finally accepted things started enjoying life, taking day and weekend trips. the pain didnt hurt as bad. as soon as i became content again and accepted that my ex is an ex, i became happy to be alone. then i met my current gf out of the blue, and she is better in every aspect-younger, prettier, more outgoing, mentally stable, financially stable, no baggage, no kid(makes a big difference actually)

 

so as another person said, it is simply a nudge in the right direction, right now it is just because you are so used to having the ex in your life, that the change is uncomfortable. believe me, if i was still with my ex, i'd be miserable.

[blender]

There is not "time frame" for heartache, we feel until we move on, plain and simple, it's different timing for each individual, it's HOW WE CHOOSE to re-act to it, that defines, us, and doing no contact is the best way to heal..

 

our feelings are "feelings' and your feeling that she was your future, is so "real" right now, because we plan so much when we are in love,

 

and when we break up we not only have to mourn the loss of the person in our daily lives, but we also have to mourn the "loss of what we "hoped" could be with them in the future".

 

These are two separate losses, and it takes time, and it hurts like hell, it takes time to "accept it and let go" you will do this in your own time.. and it will happen, it really will..

 

try to separate your "feelings" from the "facts" about who your ex has revealed herself to "really" be and who you "hoped and thought" she was and could be.

 

Once you separate the two you can begin to think more clearly and start to let go of what you "hoped" could be, start thinking about "what and who she actually is".

 

the way someone behaves during a break up says so much more about thier character then when they are intoxicated with the newness of a relationship, so don't only hold on to memories of what was when you both were so in love, but also follow those thoughts through with the "truth" of how she chose to behave in order to break up, this is the "whole picture of her".

 

You've been so hurt, and you are missing so much but in time you will heal... you will look back soon and see how much valuable opportunity and learning came from this.. You're doing so well, just having the courage to come on here and talk it out, means you are already healing...

[desertnomad]

thanks everyone for your posts...it is true what you do speaks so loudly I cant hear what you say. the ex didnt just choose to end things or get some 'space' and go back to family after 4 years together but she left with someone she had been speaking to for months behind me. That is the one thing I will remember. Its true she revealed herself to be a dishonest person..that is no way to leave. I had alot of hopes for us because we had some of the best of times and its true I am missing so much but maybe it was just all in my mind.