Could use some advice...

[phif]

Hrm... Where to begin... Well, it's a bit of a story, so I guess the beginning would be the best place, eh?

 

Well, I'm 18 years old, and I play this game online, and the comunity there is fantastic, and the people there arrange little mini-Cons throughout the year. I've been to a few of these so far, and they're really fun 'cause I get to hang out with all of my friends from the game in real life...

 

And at one of these meets, I met one of the girls that I'd been crushing on for a while... Now, you should know that I'm homeschooled and have never really been with a girl in real life before... Anyway, the meet was a friday-to-sunday deal, but she could only stay for friday night and then had to leave early saturday morning, like before anyone would reasonably have been awake... Now, I'm a pretty outgoing guy online, but I'm really shy in real life, and she's a lot the same way, so it was slow-going at first, but we eventually loosened up around each other around 8-9p that night, when we were all hanging out outside the hotel we were staying at. She mentioned that she was cold (It was a little chilly that night, and she was wearing a skirt and didn't have a very heavy shirt on, so it was a legitamate complaint...), and so I sat down next to her and put my arms around her to keep her warm, and she leaned up against me and it was cute and all I could think was "Oh my god, this hot chick that I've had a crush on for months is letting me hold her"... After an hour or two of this, another of the guys there is like "Hey, are you cold? Here" and hands her his jacket (Something I would have done hours ago if my jacket wasn't in my hotel room on the 4th floor), so she's like "Yeah, thanks!" and covers up with it and then leans up against me again. At this point I'm thinking "Okay, this can't be entirely about warmth anymore", so I reach for her hand under the jacket. And we end up sitting there, hanging out with everyone, and holding hands for another couple hours.

 

At around 3a, when most of the people had gone back to their rooms to sleep and there were only like six or seven people outside, one of the guys says "You know what? I'm hungry, and there's a Denny's within walking distance of us right now. They're open 24 hours, and they give infinite free refills on hot chocolate. I'm gonna go, you guys can come with me if you want", and so half of us go to Denny's. She and I end up sitting next to each other, and we take advantage of the infinite hot chocolate, and after about an hour of hanging out there, she falls asleep in my arms. We hang out for another half hour, I gently wake her up, and take her back to her room, at which point I'm freaking out because, oh my god, I have never kissed a girl before and this is the point at which that happens. So we get to her room, and we do that whole "You know I'm leaving early in the morning, right?" "Yeah, that sucks." "My train leaves at eight... will you be up?" (It's something like 5a right now, and I haven't slept) "I dunno... probably not..." "Oh... I guess this is goodbye then..." "Yeah, I guess it is..." (this is where we hug for like two minutes without saying anything) (and now is where I think "I should kiss her...", take half a step back, and chicken out and freeze...) "What?" "Oh... uh.. nothing..." "Oh.. okay..." (and now we hug for a little bit longer, and she kisses me on the cheek) "Well, bye..." "Bye..." "Goodnight. Rest well and dream better." "Goodnight."

 

And then I went to my room and tried to sleep. I barely got an hour of sleep before I woke up. So I went downstairs and met up with another friend of mine that had only just arrived to the hotel and was planning on hanging out until sunday. We hung out for a bit, had breakfast, went outside and threw a frisbee around for a while with a couple people that had gone to bed early last night... Then around 7:15 I went back to the hotel and sat down in the breakfast area and waited for her to wake up, because I had to see her again. After a little bit, she came down and came out to have breakfast, and when she saw me her eyes lit up and she said "Hey!! Phif!!" and ran up and hugged me. I think that was the best moment of my life up to that point, knowing I had the ability to make someone so happy just by their seeing me... Anyway, she had breakfast and then we hugged again, and she said, in a low voice just to me "I'm really glad I got to see you again before I had to leave..." and we said goodbye again.

 

Now I know what you're all thinking: "What's the problem, here? She obviously likes you!", right? Well, you're right, but there's more.

 

For a couple weeks after this meetup happened, she and I got a lot closer in chat, and I wasn't sure what was going on, so I asked her what her feelings for me were, and where she wanted to go from here. She told me that she'd had a crush on me. And that she got her crush on me at roughly the same time I developed my crush on her. And the reason I didn't make a move earlier was because I didn't think she even liked me... And guess what? She thought I didn't like her, too... *sigh* ... She also said that that night was a lot of information to try and parse all at once, having thought that I didn't even like her as a friend... And she also said that, since she saw me as "unattainable" that she had moved on, and developed a crush on another guy... This was almost two months ago, now... She's been really busy with work since then, so I haven't had much of a chance to talk to her at all... About a month ago I asked her if she had come to any decisions, and she said "I... I don't know"...

 

She only lives a few hours away from me, and we both work so we could afford to hang out every once in a while... except that she's moving to Canada next month to go to college... Heh.

 

 

So now you have all of the story that I can think of right now that I think you might need. And now my question: What do I do? I've told her how I feel. I've given her time to think. I even found this really cute stuffed bear a week ago and bought it for her and sent it to her through the mail... She told me it was the cutest thing ever and that she absolutely loved it... What more can I do? What more -should- I do? I've been wrestling with this for going on two months now and I'm completely out of ideas...

[Bethany]

hey phif, bad luck. Sorry that others have not replied before. I think it's not that nobody could be bothered, I think it's a case of not knowing what to say for the best. Your story certainly touched my heart and I was sure there was a hapy ending.. damn..

 

I don't think there's much you can do sorry. If I were you, I'd slowly wean myself off her, find new interests and try your best to have fun. It seems she didn't quite feel the same or held back because she knew she was leaving....

 

All I can say to give you hope is.. it it's meant to be, it will happen. Sorry the was no happy ending for you this time, but there is always someone new to look forward to. Chin up.

 

P.S. I think that it didnt help that you posted it in cyber relationships. You could always repost in "Breaking up" if you want more replies or more advice.

[phif]

Thanks for the reply, and thanks for the suggestion on another forum. I wasn't sure where I should have posted it, and figured it was a toss up between this, and "Long distance", but I'll try "Breaking up"

[arwen]

The topic has been moved to this forum, and the duplicate has been removed. You can contact a moderator for moving topics to another forum, we'll move it for you!

 

As for your situation, I think it's best to see what happens when she moves. Stay in touch with her, if that doesn't hurt your feelings. Otherwise, if she's clearly moving in another direction (for instance if you'd start dating in Canada), create some distance.

 

Long distance is very difficult, especially to build up a relationship without seeing each other.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse

[phif]

Thanks, ilse; I wasn't sure what the rules were here on multiple threads, or who to contact about moving this one. *makes note of it for future reference*

 

And thanks for the advice, as well. I'd hate to lose her as a friend just because I've got a crush on her, and hope that isn't going to be a step that I have to take.

[phif]

 

 

One final bump to see if there's any more advice out there.

[dude69]

Hey Phif,

 

You seem to really like this girl and I know she likes you too. Not trying to make you regret anything but you shouldved kissed her that night when you walked her to her room. I know the feeling of being so nervous that you dont know what you should do and sometimes do the thing you didnt want to do.

 

You seem to care for her alot and well there arent a HUGE amount of guys who will care for a woman the way they should be cared for. I know you said she was leaving to Canada to start college and well, not sure exacly where she is going but i would guess either Quebec or Ontario ( which isnt to far away from New yourk btw )

 

Anyway, this might take some guts to do but i know you will do this if you really like her/love her. Get in contact with her and tell her you want to go see her one last time before she leaves for college ( if im right there isnt much time left so you have to hurry ). Meet up with her, go have some fun with her and before you leave to go home remember to kiss her like you shouldve that night at the hotel. I can't guarantee you anything but i know from past experiences that if its not ment to be... well atleast you wont think back 10 years from now and think about what couldve been. I hope this helped you and well if fate doesnt think you two are right for each other then thats because there is someone better for you out there so never lose hope.

 

Think about what I said and if you think it sounds right then do it

 

Good luck Phif i wish the best to you.