here goes nothing...

[kg2006]

It started 3 years ago - we work at the same place - we had apparently eyed each other for 3 years, but nothing was ever done about it. Finally this year, the stars aligned and a coworker helped us find each other. It was falling in love fast and hard. 4 months into the relationship, we had little problems that I think are normal part of relationships - initial jealousy [nothing volatile], differences of opinions - had little arguments, but nothing big. I personally felt that I was highly emotional and one day broke down, but after I got it all out of me, I felt immediately better and I thought everything was fine, a week later he started to distance himself from me and by the second week i finally confronted him and that's when he said he needed time away. He had a week off vacation, when he came back, finally set up a time to talk, but I already knew that the time off was already a break-off, and it was. We still work at the same place and he wants to remain friends as he insists that just b/c he needs to be alone right now and we're broken up that it doesn't mean he doesn't care for me. Its been a little less than a month and we've IMd each other back and forth maybe 3 or 4 times since the break-up. He does still seem to flirt with me a little bit and brings back some memories from time to time whenever appropriate in the conversation. I had not heard from him in a while and seemed to have been feeling less intensely and thought I am healing fairly well until the last conversation. I know a part of me is still hoping that he will come to his senses somehow. I know logically in my mind that I shouldn't feel hope, that he was someone who wasn't even willing to work out the first real problem/obstacle in our relationship, that probably the best thing for me is to actually tell him that I want the 'no contact with each other' deal because while seeming to get better through time, I still seem to be going through the ups and downs especially after he talks to me. My biggest fear and maybe it shouldn't be??? is that once i say that, that it permanently will close off the door to anything with him. Why does my mind know what to do, but my emotions have trouble catching up with what my mind knows????? I am so confused...

[rose2summer]

First of all, do no contact, but absolutely do NOT tell him you are going to practice no contact, just do it. He doesn't seem like such a great catch, he ran away at your first sign of distress. You deserve so much better. Toss him out and stand alone. Get to know yourself better without him in your life.

[kg2006]

maybe a dumb question - buy why can't I let him know? wouldn't it be easier to tell him so that he doesn't contact me?

[rimshot22]

Don't let him know. It will make him wonder why you're so distant and if he is really interested you'll find out by his reactions. It also allows you time to recover from the disappointment and will prepare you for the time when he either comes back or doesn't want you.

 

It's working for me, although my situation is different.

[kg2006]

I have to seem him at work physically tomorrow to give him some of his mail that has been coming into my address. I don't know what to do...I am so nervous. I know I still find him attractive! My brain says, I am stupid for thinking so, but I can't help it Should I be friendly with him? or should I just give him the mail and walk away? I don't know how it's going to play out and I feel like I am not in control when I should be!

[HOPELESSINCT]

I have to work with my x and have had to have contact with him since the break-up, one month ago. I don't know how I did it but I kept it on a strictly professional level. Treat him as you would any other co-worker. It will be tuff and you may fall apart afterwards but in front of him remain professional. Good Luck and Stay strong!