how's this fit in a fourteen year olds life?

[The_Vacancy]

dunno where to begin. writing this at quarter past two in the morning.

 

basically want to know why i am changing everything about me at the moment. i have started to isolate myself on purpose away from friends at lunch to listen to music or think about things. at school, i don't try on my tests. i gave up early on my mathematics one and rested and listened to music through the second half of my science one.

 

i've been changing my sleeping pattern, usual i get to sleep at about ten pm on a weeknight, for over a week i haven't gotten to sleep once before midnight. i've been waking up from four in the morning to ten minutes before the bus comes. i don't normally cry but i've been crying every day for over a week and for some reason i shake and get nervous from thinking.

 

i've been writing some stuff, drinking alot more coffee. i come home and i lie down and i think, cry, listen to music, write and just worry. and for some reason all the girls who i used to like are back in my mind and i dunno why. i get insecure in maths that someone was going to chuck something at me so i moved positions for that reason.

 

and for this week i have been kind of wondering about self injury. i haven't done it, a thought of a knife is scary. but i was thinking about needles. and then i thought about suicide. i wouldn't want to do that, one year of depression a while back kept that on my mind and i don't even want to do suicide, i just want to know why it is one of the only things on my mind.

 

just basically why is all of everything changing at the moment?

 

and how can i go back to before?

 

i want to go to sleep, i'm tired but i can't even if it's past two am.

 

so what's happening? am i "unstable", someone said but i don't know what they mean.

[holyohio]

Sounds like symptoms of depression, bud.

 

I would advise telling someone, or talking to someone about it, especially an adult if you feel comfortable.

 

If you don't feel comfortable about it, get a spiral and keep a journal...write in it whenever you feel the need to help figure out what's going on.

 

I would stress trying to talk to your parents about it or maybe a physician. Depression isn't your fault and I would get help for it before it becomes more serious.

[shy_guy_3]

I Agree with holyohio it deffinately sounds like depression, dont worry alot of ppl go through it, and alot of ppl do give in to the thoughts of cutting and such, which is not very smart at all, but i cant say too much about that seeing as i used to do it..

 

uhmm...again i think holy is right you need to talk to someone about this, or keep a journal or such, i know writing always made me feel better, sorta..

 

umm i dont really know what else to say about this..sorry

[BornToResist]

I went through some similar things about your age but I never thought I really was depressed. Maybe I was.

 

It's been studied that teenagers tend to be more awake during the night. However, insomnia and depression are closely related.

 

Here's a link. link removed

 

Depression is common and so is insomnia. Usually you can talk to your doctor and they will be able to help you out.

 

Hope this helped!

[nottoogreen]

Hi The_Vacancy,

 

Yeah, it's depression, and more so as you think of SI.

 

First please learn this.

Most important to remember and perform.

This is the most important part of this guide. Please take it seriously as your success largely depends on it.

• You are precious, your life is precious and you deserve to be happy!
  
• Look after your body and love yourself!
  
• When someone hurt or abused you it was not your fault!
  
• You have a future, you always will as long as you do not give up!
  
• You deserve to be understood, but to expect understanding is very foolish.
  
• Regrets are the most difficult feelings to deal with.
  
• Life often is like three steps forward and one step back. Expect setbacks and do not let setbacks bother you. Just move along your chosen path.
  
• Realistic expectations. Carefully consider your expectations as unrealistic expectations breed resentment and set you up for failure.
  
• Be realistic about your ability and carefully consider your ability as your failure to meet your expectations hurts you and may hurt others.
  
• Patience and persistence. Changing any situation or yourself takes time and effort. Changing your feelings takes time and is often painful. It does make sense to endure reasonable pain for a better happier future.
  
• Adaptability of your mind. Your biggest strength is that your mind adapts to what you do often and the more so, the more motivated you are. As you move up, your mental ability increases. This strength is also your biggest weakness as your mental ability decreases when you are frustrated or unmotivated. Your mind also adapts to negative thinking. Thus it is important to think positive!
  
• Break circles of thought. If you realize that you think or fear the same again and again, break out of it by telling yourself: STOP, NO WORRIES. Divert your thoughts away from a circle of thought. The Mental survival activities or Exercise activities below may be of help to distract you.
  
• Mental survival activities. Develop one or more mental activities which can occupy your mind and give you a sense of calmness and accomplishment. One activity should be as simple as possible in order to be performable at any time. Exercise these activities regularly. Examples are: writing poems, writing down feelings, drawing, a journal and reading. Use the Exercise activities below as alternative and for backup. Be prepared and never run out of supplies to perform these activities. These activities train you on focusing your mind and give you a sense of accomplishment.
  
• Exercise activities. Develop an interest in one or more physical activities and perform these regularly. Examples are push-ups, sit-ups, running, swimming and biking. At least have one activity you can perform in your room and one out-door activity. Exercise is healthy and gives you a sense of accomplishment.
  
• Be sure you have enough sleep. Sleep deprivation makes manic and leads to countless secondary problems from anxiety, over-acting, over-excitement, over-thinking to under-performing. If you can't sleep, perform Mental survival activities and/or Exercise activities until you relax enough to fall asleep. Given training and experience, you will relax and fall asleep! No pills needed!
  
• KISS - Keep It Simple Stupid. Do not over-act, over-excite or over-think.
  
• Help - If you have questions or need help, please post or seek professional help!
  

 

I hope that it helps you to not hurt yourself.

 

Now, crying is good too.

 

Do you have any idea about what makes you feel so bad.

 

For example: You expect classmates to respect you, but they ridicule you. That hurts a lot because your expectation was broken.

 

Depression - balance yourself

What is depression? Depression is a mental pain caused by an imbalance between expectations and ability. To make the pain go away, one has to improve ones ability (do better) and/or change ones expectations. In other words, to avoid depression, one ought to balance ability and expectations. Balance is it, as so often in life.

 

Ability Improving ones ability (doing better) can include for example overcoming lethargy, exercise, work better (often less hours!), learning new things, developing interests and hobbies, spending less time on unproductive and draining favorites like TV, RPG, online, party and hanging out, spending more time with loved ones and strong friends.

 

Expectations

When having suffered trauma (abuse, accidents, rape, ridicule)

, one has to overcome negative feelings which "broke" expectations by emphasizing on positive thoughts and a good future. Also feelings of guilt must be overcome.

Always remember, what someone did to you was not your fault!!!

 

Otherwise

, sometimes expectations are too high and must be reduced by dropping things one is unable to do. Examples include overcoming breakup, loss of a loved one, unrealistic objectives about career, peoples behavior or looking like a super model.

 

Self-esteem and self-worth always are part of ones "basic" expectations.

 

Change is cure. These ideas are by no means novel. Change requires patience and persistence as it's the case with all success. And there will be setbacks, it will take time to heal.

 

Please think about what expectations were broken, what you fear, what hurt you, what makes you angry.

 

How are you doing with mom and dad?

 

How are mom and dad together?

[The_Vacancy]

mum and dad and me never get on. i've got the middle kid syndrome so naturally my life sucks. i had not what you might call depression but i guess maybe a life of misery for a year or so. but i kind of sowly got out of that and it's only been for a month that i have been sloping back into it again. problem is in one month i've been thinking of worse things and been having worse problems then the entire year before.

 

so how could i try and make it better?

 

i've already been writing and listening to music, doing recreational stuff. but it's not working, is there a way to get to sleep easier?

[nottoogreen]

Firstly, nothing is easy, but as long as you work on yourself, it will get better.

 

You thinking of SI has me very worried. Something seems to hurt and anger you for a long time and you are running out of options to get better because your mind is tired and your self esteem get's worse.

 

Do you miss being loved?

Do you miss being respected?

Do others shout at you or ridicule you?

 

Ask yourself what you miss, what hurts and angers you, and tell us.

[Northern Raccoon]

your getting older.i'm a 15years old, but a ll iv do is just sit around and be a lazy slug. uyour just growing up. thats tyhe most i can tell, i don't know you. but my guess is that your just trying find your place in this messed up world.

[Ms. Babydoll]

I'm 13 and I feel like I just past that phase (I like to call it a phase because I believe it is).

 

Some nights I didn't get to sleep until 4am (even on a school night) and I'd stay up all night online looking for something to make me smile. At school I'd leave my friends and sit by myself in the library and think about things, or I'd walk around listening to music and try to make all my different emotions float away with the music.

 

Truthfully I still feel as though I'm sorta still in the phase, I've been going to bed much earlier and I've been doing my best to come closer to my friends but it can be hard when you've grown so used to being an outsider.

I mean, just today I broke out into tears infront of two of my friends and another two came and joined in on comforting me. I don't quite understand why I was crying, but I think every teen has to go through that stage where you feel incomplete or alone. But really you got to try your best to stay close to those who really matter, those friends you know will always be there and most of all you got to be able to learn how to trust yourself before you trust anyone else.

All I can say now is keep believing and whatever you do, do not resort to self harm, I did earlier this year and now I have a burn on my right leg that will possibly be there for the rest of my life, self harm gets you nowhere, it just leaves a scare to remind you of how stupid you were thinking at the time.

[nottoogreen]

Hi Ms. Babydoll,

 

Reading this thread may give you some ideas about why you were crying.

 

When you say phase, it's true wrt your ongoing development which results in less confidence about everthing and some confusion.

 

As to friends confronting you, You are expecting (and deserve) to be understood and respected, but in real life it is not that easy. Please think about it, it's unsatisfying to expect anything from friends when they are as confused as you.

 

How are you doing with your parents?

 

We are always here to listen.

[Ms. Babydoll]

are you asking me how I am with my parents or The Vacancy?

[nottoogreen]

are you asking me how I am with my parents or The Vacancy?

The post was addressed to you and thus I asked you.

[Ms. Babydoll]

Well I haven't spoken to my mother for more than 7 years and my father stays out of my business and that's the way I like it