I've Been Lying

[guy0221]

I've been lying to everyone...myself, my family, this forum. I want her back and I hate doing this NC. I'm not even sure if this is what I need to do. I don't really think that I have boughten into it unlike what I keep posting.

 

I think about her constantly. Seriously...it is CONSTANTLY. Every moment from the time I awaken to the time I sleep. I keep telling myself, this is going to get better or she will come running back to me.

 

We never fought, we had great communication, no real issues. Then one day, she says a girl has fallen in love with her and she is confused...needs to figure it out...might have feelings for this other girl too.

 

I just so want her to call me and tell me she has made a mistake and that she wants me back. I know that we could make it work...we were SOOO in tune with each other...moreso than anyone I've ever known.

 

I just need some feedback please. I have no one to talk to. She asked me to not tell anyone about the gay feelings she may/may not have and I respect that.

 

Should I break the NC and make sure she knows that I am still there for her and still hope for us? ](*,)

 

 

 

If anyone hasn't and wants to read my ramblings...feel free...I'm sure some are sick of my insecurity and multiple regressions.

 

[Cadence308]

I don't think it can hurt to let her know how much she means to you.

[renaissancewoman101]

NC really is for YOU, to help YOU get over her, not for you to get her back. Although sometimes with NC, the person will come back because it gives them the opportunity to think things thorough, make decisions on their own, and realize ON THEIR OWN, that they miss or dont miss you.

 

I would still keep NC for the time being. Has she shown any signs that she might welcome some communication from you?

[guy0221]

She has shown the interest. She asked to see me 3 days ago and I said no. When we broke up, I told her that I only could see her if she had decided that I was the person she wanted to be with. I reiterated this when she asked to see me.

 

I know NC is for me...I believe that...but I don't want to get over her...I want her back.

[renaissancewoman101]

If she has shown interest but not in getting back with you, then I would keep to the NC for the time being. She has to realize that she cant have you back unless it is for a relationship. Otherwise, it will be bad for you because you will be her friend and not have the "relationship" there.

 

I know it is hard and to me keeping NC is one of the toughest things to do. But, you have to keep at it, if you truly want her back and for your own sanity too.

 

Good luck!

[guy0221]

Well, I don't know why she wanted to see me. I feel I was to rash in responding with a "you know what i said about seeing you...that hasn't changed".

 

What if I scared her off????? shouldn't I be more open to talking?

[doyathink]

No one here can tell you not to see her ....You know the situation far better than any of us. If you love her, follow your heart but at the same time you also realize that you may get hurt even worse if you do.

 

While your feelings for her may be very strong, she is still confused with the whole ' am I gay' thing and she hasn't made any decisions which way she wants to go.

 

If you are still open to taking her back, be careful with what you say to her. Be polite but at the same time continue to let her know that the heart is nothing to be played with.

[guy0221]

I'm afraid the window is closed now. She wanted to see me but I said no. I just need faith that if she really wanted to come back, she would have the confidence to do so.

 

How can I reassure her that I would listen to her, without talking to her????????

 

I guess I just need to be strong and wait for her to contact me...why am i so paranoid?

[lady00]

If your text really "scared her off" she was not too interested in getting back together. If she wanted you back, she would have responded to your text in some way, via a phone call most likely, telling you that she understands and she wants to see you to get back together.

[guy0221]

I need to believe that. I just hope that in the informal and emotionless art of "text messaging", I did not blow a shot at happiness and give her the wrong idea. If she got the impression that I was rejecting her, she would back off...that is the type of girl she is.

[Jayar]

I need to believe that. I just hope that in the informal and emotionless art of "text messaging", I did not blow a shot at happiness and give her the wrong idea. If she got the impression that I was rejecting her, she would back off...that is the type of girl she is.

 

It's the exact same with my ex-BF, hence the reason I simply cannot do NC with him. For him, if there's ANY chance of it working (and believe me from one hour to the next my opinion on that changes) it has to be LC. I am reactive to him. If he wants to talk to me, I talk to him. If he wants to see me, I see him (provided I have no other plans). I do not go out of my way to be available, but I am available for him if he would like to see/talk to me at a mutually convenient time. The ball is, however, always in his court.

 

Perhaps if she calls again you can try something like that? I agree that there are some people who do not respond to NC the way others might, and your text to her COULD have come accross as rejection. It would have scared my BF off... On the other hand, if she does call you again, maybe it's because she's 100% sure of what she wants?

 

NC is a delicate thing... You want the person to miss you and want to be with you, you want to heal yourself, but at the same time you do not want to either present yourself as completely uninterested (think about it, would you WANT to date a girl that obsessively pursued you even once you said you didn't want to talk to her?) and on top of it all, if you DO get back together you want it to be because the feelings are there not because they simply got worried that you were moving on without them... There are a whole lotta Catch 22's in there.

[lady00]

If a text message deterred her from wanting to be with someone in a relationship she thought she'd be truly happy in, I would be truly amazed and shocked. I just don't think that's what's going on...I think it's your hope talking.

 

If she wasn't sure what you meant and she really wanted to be with you, she would have said "huh? what's that mean?" or something to get clarification. She would not make a serious decision like backing off from trying to get back with you based on a text message that she may have misconstrued. She would not have let something like that stand in her way without getting clarification...people don't let things like that stand in the way of something they really want.

[guy0221]

I just don't think that's what's going on...I think it's your hope talking.

 

You're right. I wish I could get rid of this damned hope thing.

 

I have a premonition that she is visiting the girl who fell in love with her. The last time she visited her, she cut off all contact too. Then when she got home, she started contacting me again (mainly stupid texts).

 

Based on those who have read my posts, do you think she is just trying to figure out if she could have more than "friend" feelings for an "out of the closet" lesbian? Or do you think she has begun a relationship with this girl and is scared to tell me she is gay. This is a tricky one.

 

I know that if this were another guy, I would be long gone...I truly think she may just be confused as hell right now.