NC or keep friend?

[Na Zhang]

I really hope anyone here can give me some suggestions.I never have done the NC,because my ex want to keep the friendship with me.I had tried to talk with him one time.but he said if I do NC,his feeling for me will completely gone and he may date another girl.He said the only chance we get back is start as friend.I had worked on friendship for almost two months,since I found this website,I had begin follow some tips how to being his firend.I try to show him that I have fun by myself and not talk the relationship with him(I used to talk about that everyday).Recently we see each other everyday.Last night,he sent message to me'what are you doing,I am bored",this morning sent message"Good morning"and later"what' your plan today"He keep asking me many day what' my plans.I know that isn't any sign he is interested in me and will fall in love with me.I am always very kind and helpful to him.Last week,he lost him cellphone and I gave mine to him.I wonder what I am doing will lead us to best friend or something I expect.Everytime we stay together,he alway want to touch me and we still have sex.If NC is the only way to get my ex back or better solutions?

[PRSOV]

The point of doing NC is for yourself to heal, and he is clearly trying to blackmail you to use as a fallback if the other girl calls him bluff and leaves him in a ditch. Stuff him, he doesn't have control over you, he cannot tell you what to do. You need to focus on yourself at the moment... If you think that your feelings will interfere with being friends with him then it just isn't going to work, it's all seen from experience.

 

Don't waste your time on him, this is time for you now. Don't let him decided whether you do NC or not.

 

PR

[Tshwane]

Does the frienship benefit you? My guess is NO. Stop worrying about him and focus on you. True love will always find it's way back, you cant force it.

 

Im going through the same thing now, the love of my life has told me she can't be with me anymore, i've implemented NC because i realised i can only control me not her, if she wants to come she must decide on her own. Refocus on yourself and stop the pain.

[Na Zhang]

So I really need go NC?NC isn't for getting back with ex,just for heal myself?Or I can go low contact?So nobody believe the friendship back will help him fall in love with me.

[PRSOV]

NC is time for you to reflect and heal yourself emotionally.

 

NC IS NOT a tool to be used to try and win your ex back.

[blueberrypie]

I don't think what you are doing there is actually staying friends. You said that you two still have sex. What kind of friend is it?

[Bethany]

,because my ex want to keep the friendship with me.I had tried to talk with him one time.but he said if I do NC,his feeling for me will completely gone and he may date another girl.

 

He's in complete control. If he feels that he could just forget you, he doesn't care about you. Why be friends with a man who thinks nothing of you when your gone?

 

Do NC and see how fast he comes back. If he doesn't come back? then he meant what he said and you really are out of sight out of mind. Such a man doesn't deserve you or your friendship.

[Midgi]

You could try to stay his friend ... but only his friend.

Like do not let him touch you in a private way and block out the sex....

 

Maybe if he sees what he has in front of him... but cannot have it, he will realise... however that means you have to be strong and have a lot of self control. I do not think you are able to do that because to reach that kind of strengh you have to do NC.

 

So NC for now

[Na Zhang]

I was thinking about NC all night and couldn't sleep.I am not sure if I will be able to do that.I am not strong enough to stop seeing him.I will crazy missing him.I am afraid I will kill myself.I know if I continue to do this won't stop being hurt.Isn't there any chance to get him back if I do LC or just friend?Please help.

[PRSOV]

Na Zhang,

 

You need to have some confidence in yourself, you can get through this! Honestly...

 

Going along being friends with someone when you deep down really want more but they just can't give it to you... I have seen it time and time again, it hardly ever works out.

 

Show yourself that respect. You are only human.

[Na Zhang]

Ok.I just had a talk with my ex tonight.I told him I don't think there is any chance of getting back.He kept asking me why.I said there is nothing change for these months since we started the friendship.I told him I don't see there is any sign for us getting back.I said keep working the friendship only lead us to the best friends.He replied me that we were best friends before we dated.So If we want to get back must have our friendship back.I said I think we only can stay friend and told him that we shouldn't do any touch or sex.He was upset or disappointed.He just said '' if you want..."I told him we should stay strict friend and don't anything more than friend.I know my ex well.Go NC he will miss me,but never bring him back.He only date a person who can make friend with him.He had experience homeless and fiancee died.His is very very strong person.Everybody here suggest me go NC.I really don't think there is a best way.I hope anyone here can give some ideas.

[Bethany]

Have you discussed dating other people? I really think you should. For example, does he want to get back together at some point or keep you as a friend whilst dating other people? Is he prepared for you to do the same?

 

It's not that easy to pretend your friends when you get a kick in the heart everytime they mention the new partner and end up hurt and back to square one. Think long and hard before you make any decision.

[Na Zhang]

My ex had told me that he would like to get back with me.He just said we had done very well so far.He mean we both try to work on the friendship.He told me many time that he isn't looking for anybody and there is any girl attract him.He never said we will get back.He just told me the relationship must base on friendship.

[Midgi]

He just told me the relationship must base on friendship.

 

Does he sleep with all his "friends". I am sorry but he is taking the p..ss. If friendship is really what he means, he would keep it platonic..,

[Na Zhang]

Since I read this forum,I start to do some change.I don't try NC though many people suggest me to do that.I believe NC can heal ourselves,but it take a risk that you end the any relationship with your ex.My ex believe relationship base on the friendship,which is not suitable for everybody.But that is my ex's way to make the relationship.I told him that we shouldn't have any sex or touch and just stay the strict friends.I don't send him any message until he send me first.He didn't send me any until 3pm today.I was afraid he wouldn't send me recent.Because he may just want to have sex with me or was angry with me last night.He sent me message and said his phone ran out of money and just put more on it.He asked me what I was doning.I replied and said I was in a dancing class with my friends in the gym.In fact,I was at home.Later,he asked me if I would come over today and he felt lonely and sad.I think he would like to see me more and more.There is no sigh he love me or get back.I comletely know he isn't in love with me.He told me that he still care about me and miss me when he doesn't see me.That love is just like family and friend.Because relationship love is want to be with you.Obvious,he is not in that way.But what I am doing isn't pushing him away.I am going to help him to exchange some USD to RMB.He said he want to invite me to dinner tomorrow.

[Na Zhang]

I have become more realistic than before.I used to talk about how much I love him and ask him to get back with me everyday.He was really tired of that.I can see he really want to have friendship with me.The reason may is he still want me in his life.I believe that staying as friend only reduce their pain and increase my pain.But I do want to keep the friendship with him and we need help each other all the time.I believe the love is attractive.He fell out love from me.He must lose interest to me.Maybe the only way to win him back is increase my attraction.I know he found out I am not the person he want for many reason.In the relationship I depended on him so much and didn't have any friend.He is vigorous person and has a lot of hobbies.He always complain I didn't have any hobby.So I need work on I can have fun by myself and make a lot of friends.I need show him that I am learning different things and have my own hobbies.I can't say he will back,I just want to try it.I try not to think about this too much and myself too much hope.I tell myself that I have to move on.I decide to stay in Australia for at least two years.So he won't back,I just find a another boy in Australia.