right back where I was... I'm confused... heeellp

[vampyr]

so she came over to get some stuff, she needed a check book. but the thing about it is I kissed her goodbye, we hugged, I asked her to look me in the eye and tell me she doesn't love me or that she doesn't want to be with me. She couldn't do it. She said she is living with this guy but she just can't make herself kiss him or have sex with him. What I don't understand is why? It felt like I was a recovering drug addict who happened accross some people smoking pot, and I smelled it again.

 

I didn't want to tell her she couldn't come over because it IS her stuff. I just thought for sure she would pull away if I hugged her or if I kissed her. I was just testing her I guess, to see if she still had feelings for me. Apparently yes. She still tried to tell me the things I did wrong, but I just agreed and reminded her that it was her choice to leave, not mine.

Nonetheless she is using this guy she is with and even joked about the fact that he is paying for everything. I suddenly felt like 'the other guy' and that the guy she was living with was me.

 

She is soooo intoxicating. I just can't believe how a body reacts to certain senses. Her smell, touch, made me feel so... different than I have been feeling. Not emotionally or anything, just chemically I guess.

 

Anyhow... the smell of pot is fading, and I am suddenly being hit back into the reality that she is gone.

I need you all to help me stay strong and get through this. She is supposed to come over Saturday to move more stuff and I have a feeling that she is going to try to cause trouble for me on Saturday.

 

The funny thing is, her and I have a 'sixth sense' of each other. We would say something at the exact same time, or reach for something, or just move our body at the exact same time. It is so exact that it freaks us both out. When I think about this... I wonder if that is what soulmates do. Do I believe in meeting your soulmate? Sure... but very few people are in tune with their spiritual side, so they ignore, or even fight the urge that their soul has to be with its soulmate.

 

I'm going to make a commitment to myself to be the most polite, respectful person I can be when I see her again. Because I've noticed that for some reason, I want to control my environment and in doing so, I lose control of myself. I cannot let that happen anymore. I must control myself and know that I cannot control everything around me. Well... this is turning into a journal/diary. sorry.

[Princess777]

I am so sorry you are going through this at this time. It must be awful. Something about when the person takes their stuff, it just all hits home, huh? I really don't know what to say other than I hope things get easier for you. I know what you mean about the spiritual thing. I have studied metaphysics for a number of years and I love it all, it's fascinating. You are correct, most people don't think deeply enough to appreciate the little things like being in tune with someone else. It really is a wonderful thing to share with someone. It sounds like she is not happy but I don't know why. Coming from a female point of view it sounds like she is crying out for attention. I don't know the whole background story on this but what about going over to where she's living and telling her you want her back, and standing up to the guy. Maybe that's what she wants you to do, just TAKE her. Wish I knew more about the situation. If you've written before about this subject please let me know where so I can get up to speed on your situation.

Princess777

[vampyr]

here is the first one that started this all... maybe this will put light into where I stand.

link removed