my Mum's SUCH a control freak

[leftonadoorstep]

I don't really know how to write this. I mean, I love my Mum, I really do, it's just sometimes I can't stand to be even in the same room as her. When she's around, I feel that everything I do is wrong and I'm a complete failure. It's just that she'll never let me be myself - she dictates everything I do, from what I wear to who I'm friends with. I know that a lot of people ignore what their parents tell them – but my Mum always finds out, and then there's hell to pay… She'll insult me just to make me back down, and anything I say after that will be wrong. I know a lot of it is my fault, because I don't know when to keep my mouth shut, but… I just wish she'd let me be myself and stop trying to force me into things: it's just embarrassing for me and embarrassing for everyone else concerned.

Whatever. I don't want to appear like an over-sensitive kid, but I guess that's how I'm coming accross. I guess I'll feel guilty in about ten minutes for writing this. That's the sort of love-hate relationship we have.

[helpme2]

to a certain extent it's normal. if that makes you feel any better.

 

Have you talked to your mom about how you feel?

[lady00]

How old are you? And can you give some specific examples of things she does that bother you?

[coollady1957]

I wondered as well what your age is.?? THere is a time in teen years when kids do feel like they are overly controlled by parents. It is usually a normal phase.

 

What kind of things seem to bother you the most about what you mom says or does?

[leftonadoorstep]

I'm fourteen, and I know that most of what I've said is wrong is normal.

I guess the thing that bothers me most is that she'll insult me if she's losing an argument, or just because she feels like it.

And that everything I do that's good is eclipsed by everything my brother does.

[scarew]

I had a difficult relationship with my mother when I was your age. I ended up moving out just after my sixteenth birthday. Now my younger sister is 13 and even though she is a much better kid than I was, I see the same patterns happening in the arguments they have.

You seem to be pretty mature about this. Use it to your advantage. Understand that these next few years will be difficult because of the typical teenage horomones you will endure and the way that your mother will decide to deal with it. If I could go back I think I would have tried to be a little more mellow. If my mother was being controlling, if she was in the wrong, I used to fight back as hard as I could. But the amount of energy I exerted was thoroughly wasted. So I guess the best advice I can give from personal experience is to pick your battles. Everytime you want to do something, expect there to be conflict. Then if your mother starts being a "control freak" take a deep breath, be calculative, and decide if this is something you want to fight for. Maybe you will decide that you can handle living by that rule (no matter how obscene it may seem) for the next few years. It will be over soon and you will be able to make your own decisions. Pick your battles sweetie. Good luck!

[leftonadoorstep]

pick your battles

 

I try to. It's just very, very annoying... that's good advice thank you

[leftonadoorstep]

It will be over soon and you will be able to make your own decisions.

 

That's true, only four more years and then I can get out...

 

Thank you, because your reply has made me realise I'm not the only person out there that feels the same way! I guess that my relationship with my Mum just seems a little different compared to how I see my friends' relationships with their parents because at my school, there's only thirty other girls in my year and mostly they get along with their parents because they're never at home (At least fifteen live at the school during termtime as boarders).

[Blinking101]

I know how you feel. I am 18 and my mom has a problem with my girlfriend for some reason. And my mom tries to force me to break up with her. My mom does not let me do thing's that other 18 year old's do. I listen to some my parents say and then I don't listen to some things my parents say. I mean I love my girlfriend with all my heart and I am not going to break up with her because my mom does not like her or my mom thinks it's a bad relationship when its an absolute wonderful relationship. Just be your self and don't let your mom change you into something you don't want to be. You are you, So be your self.

[leftonadoorstep]

She has a go at me when I fight back. And anything I do is wrong: if I read, she accuses me of being self centred and anti social, if my friends come round, I'm trying to fill the house with people and it's more work for her. If I do anything wrong she'll hit me or swear at me...

 

But like scarew says, I guess I have to understand that the next few years will be difficult. And I have to pick my battles.

 

Good luck with your girlfriend, and with your mum. I hope things start looking up for you!