How possible is it for friends to get after after ugly fights?

[flyingspaghetti]

A online friend and I haven't kept in touch for about two months because he wasn't sure if this was a phase or not. I finally approached him about it via email on August 1st (two days ago) to find out what the deal is. It was then that I learned after sending each other email notes back and forth that he came into conclusion that I am no longer a person he wants to associate with. Oh, that hurt a lot!

 

I tried to explain to him that there is such thing that some friends/people do converge their friendship after a while. So, I was spinning my head trying to explain and convince him of this notion, even after saying that is not something he wants.

 

I did not like all his cussing and namecalling in the last couple of emails, so I became annoyed. Then, out of anger, I used his personal weaknesses and used them as a mechanism of defense and counterattacked them towards him. Needless to say, he was REALLY pissed and said he was going to block me and how he wished he hadn't told me this stuff. I don't think he blocked me because I sent him an email, and it didn't bounce back to me. Does that mean he really didn't block me???

 

So, anyway, I told him in the email to calm down and how I only used it as a defense mechanism and for him to get over it. I guess I shouldn't have said that email until I waited some days when he was calm, but I wasn't going to let him take punches at me either. I wanted to be vindictive and hurt him since he called me all those names.

 

My question - has a similar situation happened to you? What side were you on? Did time heal the wounds? How possible is it to have time pass by before talking again? I have heard that some friendships go through really rocky points and later on get to talk. I'd still like to talk calmly about this with him at some point in the future after he's cooled down.

[Scotcha]

I don't know his reasons for no longer wanting to continue your friendship but like any relationship, he has the right to terminate it.

 

To me it seems like he tried to end it by just disappearing but you were insistant on a reason and/or trying to talk him out of his decision. You said it was the last couple of e-mails in which he started to call you names so though it wasn't thr right thing for him to do I feel it may have been done out of frustration.

 

I have ended friendships myself and a 14 year friendship was ended on me.. It does hurt and it is hard because esentially it is a break-up. My best advice would be to perhaps bow out gracefully and respect his wishes. Heal and focus on your other friends and maybe even make some new ones.

 

Also.. I have found that friendships seem to have a natural ebb and flow.

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

I have to agree with Scotcha.

 

And to answer your question about e-mail getting bounce back to you? You don't have to have an e-mail bounced back to be on a blocked list, all you need to do is to be added to the "do not Allow" list and he will never see your e-mails.

[flyingspaghetti]

I don't know his reasons for no longer wanting to continue your friendship but like any relationship, he has the right to terminate it.

 

To me it seems like he tried to end it by just disappearing but you were insistant on a reason and/or trying to talk him out of his decision. You said it was the last couple of e-mails in which he started to call you names so though it wasn't thr right thing for him to do I feel it may have been done out of frustration.

Yeah, that's exactly what I am trying to do - try to explain to him that it is possible that people can converge later on. I just wanted to give him some "food for thought" because he himself said he won't lie to me and tell me this was ALL bad. There were good moments he liked. And, him being a loner who doesn't socialize much and just stays at home, I just want him to remember me and later on just give me a chance.

 

I have ended friendships myself and a 14 year friendship was ended on me.. It does hurt and it is hard because esentially it is a break-up. My best advice would be to perhaps bow out gracefully and respect his wishes. Heal and focus on your other friends and maybe even make some new ones.

 

Also.. I have found that friendships seem to have a natural ebb and flow.

It's a shame that we have commonalities and interests since we first talked in the beginning, but I saw how he was more of a joker person who liked to tease, joke, and banter with his somewhat dry/sarcastic humor. I was confused at first, but then I flowed along with his style. Eventually, we forgot to talk about what we like, and now he's saying, "We don't have a lot in common/interests." But...??? We drifted off TOO far. I also wanted to converge back into talking about these things. There are things I like about him....interest-wise, and I told him that in the recent emails. But if you are really angry/annoyed at a given time, then you aren't really going to listen to ANYTHING until you have cooled down, correct? That's how I feel about this - I want to allow some cool-off period. Is that a good idea?

[flyingspaghetti]

And to answer your question about e-mail getting bounce back to you? You don't have to have an e-mail bounced back to be on a blocked list, all you need to do is to be added to the "do not Allow" list and he will never see your e-mails.

By "never see emails," what do you mean? Will these emails be stored into a "junk mail" folder or something or just be automatically purged forever? The thing with him is that he has said a couple of times, "I'm going to block you," but when I sent the emails, he has replied to them. We have the same type of email because we use the same type of cable internet access. I checked in those email preferences, and there is no way to block JUST one email address. There's only a way to add all emails one does NOT want blocked. So, I just think he is just been saying that as a bluff because he obviously replied to those emails.

 

BTW, after that angry email reply he sent the night before last, I replied telling him I used those personal things against him and used them as a mechanism of self-defense because I didn't appreciate his name-calling me either. But I do realize now it's out of anger/frustration on his behalf, but I still wanted him to realize it's no fun for him to just be calling me those names and me not saying anything about it. Well, he replied back in a calm, neutral manner saying something like "That's harsh, but I'm going to block you. Goodbye and goodluck." But.... I haven't sent a message reply for that. Since he was calm in this email, I am going to wait for some time before waiting and saying anything. I would like to apologize again for this and see if he can just calm down. I know he can. I know him too well on his spite-of-the-moment anger. But, for how long? It has to be a while, I'm guessing....