The Problem of NC

[StephenP59]

Just thought I'd raise a point about the much talked about (or rather not talked about ) NC. From my own experience it has been a mainly positive thing that has given me time to move away from the point of absolute desperation and misery. The probem I have is when you remain out of contact for a long time you begin to develop a kind of bubble for yourself where your ex seems to not exist. We create a kind of fantasy world in which they exist in our minds all the bad things we just kind of forget because being human we cling on to the happy times. A BIG negative of this experience is it seems to cultivate a kind of hope i.e. as long as I don't speak to them then they are no longer rejecting me and thereforeeee I can see hope of us getting back together. The time apart seems to freeze as well so although we are moving on it is difficult to imagine the same for them. This is why I think the odd contact that occurs is so devastating we are made to burst our fantasy bubble and face the cold harsh reality something that we did when we first broke up.

 

The pressure we put on ourselves about NC is quite high as well, you get past the point of friends sympathizing/empathizing and you start to believe that you really should be healed and that there is something wrong with you if you haven't. Also if I'm out of the scene completely there's no chance of a reconcillation - Another mindgame we play with ourselves. At the back of our minds is the horrible realisation that they will find someone new and that living in our bubbles is infinitely more preferable to facing that particular storm. I wonder do people who remain in contact get battered and battered emotionally to a point where when they enter NC they are faced solely with reality and thereforeeee are able to move on at greater speeds?

[mikeca]

Well the problem with NC is..most of do it for the wrong reasons. Honestly, we come on ENA and see storys of reconciling and taking back, and we think..maybe that will be me..if i dont talk to them for a few months they'll come running back. even though we say its not for getting them back, we never listen. I havent..I dont know why even as I tell myself its for me my heart is like.."yeah, good one". But thats me, I guess im that kind of person. I dont like completely shutting the door on anything. I still 'relapse' but have not broken NC, I'm only human and I had a very big place in my heart for this one so its natural to harbour feelings after such a time. We just have to let go of trying to contact them no matter how different we feel, and just live our lives again, thats what matters the most, its you. and we forget that