I don't understand this "I need space" stuff

[vampyr]

My girlfriend said she needed to know if she could make it on her own before we got married, so she spent her nights at some friends house.... and would come over once a week to get a few things.

She told me that she didn't want me calling her parents and that this should be left between us. Then she wouldn't call me or see me for days. I told her that she can't just leave and never call me and expect our relationship will get better. I told her that one of the things that made me happy about our relationship was that she was always there to come home to.... I tried to explain to her that our relationship without her there. Basically, if she doesn't want to be around to have me show her and tell her I love her, then how am I supposed to love her?

Well... I still called her mom because I didn't understand what was going on. Days would go by and her stuff was still in my house. I had to take down pictures of her. When she would call, I asked where she was staying and she said she didn't want me to know. Well.. hmm.. THERE'S A CLUE! I finally gave up on the 'she needs her space' BS. I realized that someone who 'needs space' is just saying 'i really want to break up with you but I can't do it if we are together, because I'm not strong enough to do that to you'. So eventually I found out that she WAS becoming involved with someone. And not only that but she even had her mom lie to me about it too. Like mother, like daughter.

Besides not having someone to go to bed with, or someone to call when I am feeling up or down, I have more free time, I don't have to have her call me and bitch at me for not coming home the minute she expected me to be home. I haven't argued or yelled since she left, and I think my hair may even be growing back on my head.

Would I give up my freedom to hold her again and be with her? In the same way that an ex-con would want to go back to prison rather than make it in the real world. I would gain nothing from it and lose everything, but it is what I have become used to and what makes me feel comfort in a twisted way.

More thoughts and emotions to continue...

[WorkingThruIt]

I have to say that I think you are definitely being healthy and working past things. I love the comment about the convinct wanting to go back to prison before making it in the real world, kind of like a false sense of security, or more like a comfort or "settling" out of insecurity. My hats off to you, and I hope you continue to progress as time passes. Congrats on the hair regrowth too, reminds me of that Simpsons episode when, oh nevermind about that..

 

Good Luck

[charmed]

Hey Vampyr,

 

You seem already well on your way down the right choice path there. It's terrible that she strung you along like that and got others to play part in her deceptive game - but you can only learn from that. You are indeed right - you need to stay away from here. She doesn't respect you, and your trust has been broken now - moving on is your only choice.

 

Keep strong and you will get through.

 

Good luck,

 

Charmed

[crookster_man]

You defiantly figured out that one quickly. It's kind of humorous when you think about it. People actually think that asking for space to help the relationship is a believable thing. How can a relationship grow and prosper when you are apart? Absense doesn't really make the heart grow fonder. It's an insult to our intelligence to think we are fooled by such lies.

 

I really feel sorry for people who try to pull this one. Do they think that they are making things easier for those they are leaving? Or are they just cowards unable to face the reality of a situation.

 

Well I always say good endings make good beginnings and bad endings have a habit of repeating.

[reborn]

Oh,oh

I think is really great that you are feeling like this and I also want to cheer you up. However, I am concerned about you. I don´t mean to be a party pooper or anything, but it sounds like you are in denial.

What you are going through is not an easy situation. It is very painful and complicated. I am afraid its gonna hit you and hit you hard. Just take it easy and know that we are here for you when it happens. We are all human, and we all hurt when we are in this situation. Take it easy, it will come when it has to. Don´t underplay your feelings, when they are ready to come to the surface let them, don´t suppress them. Surround your self by good friends and loving family and inform your self on the grieving process so you know what to expect. Good luck and take good care of yourself.

--Reborn

[madmaninsi]

I like your comment about your hair growing back. I swear the same thing happened to me after I finally got the courage to end a stressful relationship. You are definitely doing the right thing. I know it sux, especially the first couple of months, but trust me. That one day will arrive where you wake up and BAM. You are totally over this person. Also remember, history tends to repeat itself. Whatever poor slob she ends up with is going to have to endure what you went through. Besides, once the trust is broken it is never ever the same. Just be aware that she will one day try to make contact with you. It may be a year from now, or it may be next month, but it will happen. Be strong. Just move on. You will be happy you did.

 

Good Luck.

[bzborow1]

Why even give this girl the courtesy of your anger? She's not worth it, so why give her the credit? From this point on I'd just stop calling completely, don't contact her in the least...this girl is not the marrying type, and it's clear that by her own mother's actions, she supports this immature behaviour.

 

The best thing you can do for yourself now is to rid yourself of the ill-conceived notions she'll give you about women in general. They are not all like her!!!!!!

 

Good luck.

 

Bill