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i saw her this weekend

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Here's the story: My Girlfriend of 7 years cheated on me with her boss. we lived together for a year and a half. Our relationship ended in February with her moving out of the apartment. She had been coming around from Feb-Jun, sometimes nonchalantly, sometimes with sex on her mind, but i think it was just to quell her guilt. We agreed on NC about a month and a half ago (i've ben doing great.) She said she had a lot of guilt and insecurity, and i wanted to heal. I wanted to work on our relationship, and i have never been an A-Hole with her. to the end, i had a lot of love for her. It's nothing to admit, but I still have a lot of heart for her. here goes:


i was at a show in Downtown this weekend. I was there meeting up with my friends. for the first half hour I chilled, walked around, when I decided to get into the beer line. I saw my ex-girls friend walk up with her guy. "hi, jane." I said. "how have you been," blablabla. She then says to me that my ex is "here" with her sister. I respond. oh, that's cool. immediately after we all get our drinks, I say to her" hey jane, I'm going to go find my friends, they should be here by now." I wasn't about to put myself into a heart trap set by me. I liked that she said to me "hey you lost a lof of weight, you look good, what are you doing?" I found my friends shortly after.

throughout the night this friend of my ex kept walking around where i was. in increments of about 20minutes, i guessed. It got to the point where i wanted to ask her, "are you looking for something," but i didn't. all night it continued, it didn't bother me, either, i was having a good time, and it may not have been about me, anyway.

Move to later in the evening, the band gets rocking, and there's a conga line going around the venue. who's in the Conga Line? SHE IS, the ex! still i was ok with it, but it was surreal seeing her. after the conga line broke up, she walked right passed infront of me, about 15ft away, when someone called her name. I heard it, that's how close she was. it was an old friend of hers, that i recognized, too. they talked and exchanged numbers. all this so close to me. Still i was fine, i actually smiled and waved at her, but didn't catch her eye. I was like "WOW, i'm ok with all this, i'm doing fine." as this is going on my friend says to me "are you upset seeing her having a good time and smiling?" I said "no, it's actually refreshing to see her smile." that was it. she disappeared into the crowd, i stood standing where I had been. I didn't flinch, I didn't move, and all she had to do was turn her head 90 degrees to see me. The whole friend thing coming around freaked me out more than seeing my ex.What puzzles me is this:


Did she see me? i know i shouldn't care, but i still care some.

How much of this was planned? she knew I was there, because of her friend. was the friend coming around actually a recon patrol to see who i'm with, etc.?



P.S. i met up with a girl i used to work with, that i found attractive, but never even mentioned it, BECAUSE I was involved with the ex. She gave me her number, WOO-HOO!

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me approach her? hadn't thought of that. she cheated on me so that was not going to happen. now that i'm thinking about it, though, seeing that she did ruin what we had, what could she say to me if she came up to me? what excuse could i be given? maybe you're right.The friend thing was supicious.

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I think she saw you. Maybe not when she was standing right in front of you, but she did see you. Oh and she did have your friend checking things out. I have done that before for a friend of mine...LOL


I think it is great that you were ok with it...shows that you are healing very well.

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I hope you're okay. It sounds similar to an experience I had a while back...it might take a while to get over her. Right now, you say you feel okay...but at some point you will miss her if you don't already. Thinking about her after seeing her and not talking to her is a good sign that you aren't completely over her. Going out with the other woman might help- if you're genuinely interested in her and ready for something. Make sure you keep things light with the new woman. I feel for you, sweetie...

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well, I didn't say i was over her completely. I even emailed her today telling her i saw her. The whole point to my post, i guess is that I was so scared at the the sound of her name. I was so frightened that if i did see her again, i would freeze, and not know what to do with myself. for months this woman has been the only person i fear because of the thought of her hurting me again, knowing, even there is no more damage she can do to me.

As i said, I emailed her, was cordial, and I just told her i saw her and that good thought so out to her from me. I did this not because i'm needy, or I felt i missed her. i did it because i feel by cheating, she hurt herself more than she hurt me, as mush as I went (and still do) go through pain, it was her heart she sabotaged. I saw all this on Saturday night, when i saw her. She responded to my email, and though her rsponses were a little less, how do you say, detailed and without even a greeting or a close, it was my way of saying "I'm bigger than the pain you've caused me, and i no longer fear that you can hurt me."

As far as this woman who gave me her number, of course i'll keep it light. this may lead to nothing but a platonic friendship, and that's fine with me. I feel i am growing and learning, and the possibility of friendships, sex, or a nice coffee aquaintance with another woman is ALL very new and exciting, and i'm approaching it all, as well as my new life with curiosity and wonder.

It sounded to me, like you pitied me. no need, really, i am well and doing better everyday.

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