She emails

[redandblack]

Hey everyone

 

My ex emails me every now and then (about once or twice a month) just telling me how she is and then asks how I am. I thought we all ready agreed that we can't be friends and that the best we would ever be could be aquaintences. Maybe in her life, aquaintences email eachother and say how they are doing. Hahaha. Damn. I don't even know what I think, anymore. I like this girl a lot, still, I'm not gonna lie. I'm getting over her pretty well (I would easily be able to date other girls and I am interested in others), but I do have a weak spot for her and probably always will (even though I can see things rationally, now). I care about her an awful lot, but I just can't settle for being 'just friends' with her. It kills me, but I've accepted this long ago. I have responded to these types of emals in the past and I never end up getting a response back. Well, here this one comes, so what should I do?

[lady00]

Don't respond anymore. she's not initiating conversation. Instead she seems to just be putting her feelers out there to see if you will respond. Something exes do sometimes after you agree not to be friends...makes no sense to me but they do it. It's almost like they want to see if you still like them or still think of them enough to respond because it gives them some sort of satisfaction. Yes, there could be other motives, but if you don't see any point to keeping up contact then don't do it. If it's not leading to getting back together, don't bother with it.

[sky58]

Lady00, I completely agree with your advice. My ex is insistant upon staying in touch with each other after we both graduated from college. I still hear from her once or twice a month myself though whenever I have tried to initiate a conversation with her, it's always failed (always sounds least interested and seemed to just be saying "Hi" for the heck of it).

 

Anyway, redandblack, just stop talking to her. She obviously is selfish and only wants to talk to you when she feels like it. Leave it and if she really really walks to talk, she'll actually do it and wonder why the heck you aren't talking to her.

[redandblack]

I haven't responded, yet. I don't really feel the urge to anymore, either. Which I guess is good, in a way. I just don't want her to think I don't care about her anymore, but, I also guess it shouldn't matter anymore. Ahhh, I'll just turn up the blues and look at the sunset some more.

[redandblack]

And now she IM's me (I ignored it all)...

 

"hey"

"what's up"

"you should write me back"

"see ya"

 

Ex-girlfriends are no fun. Especially when you really care about them.

[lady00]

Let her keep on like that. She will either 1) become frustrated and give up or 2) say something substancial that might be worth responding to (such as "I want to talk about gettting back together."

[pacopaco]

yeah, don't do it. I've been in NC with the ex girl for five weeks now. last friday she sent an email. nothing personal, i actually thought it was a group email about Astronomy. She knows i'm into it, and so she sent me the article. i did respond, but just to say "thanks for the info." i should have just ignored that too. everything, all of it, even a "hi," can hurt when someone has hurt you.

I don't even know why she sent it, it's not like she wrote anything in her own words.

[JonathanJonathan]

Hmm...so when you NC your ex, should you totally ignore anything they send at you? I mean it's easy to ignore e-mail and IMs, but my ex called me, which I missed but later on called her back. It seems a bit too obvious when you don't return a phone call especially when they know you always have it, right?

[lady00]

It seems a bit too obvious when you don't return a phone call especially when they know you always have it, right?

 

I'm not sure I see the problem here. You're not obviously ignoring her by not picking up or returning a phone call right away...you're just choosing to make responding to her less of a priority. Eventually, other things will come up and you might just forget to call back. Unless she leaves a message and it's something important that you must do, I don't see anything "obvious" about not calling back. For all she knows, you've just been too busy...if you really have been too busy, all the better, it just means you're getting on with all the important things in your life...which no longer includes the ex.

[pacopaco]

I agree with Lady00. get busy, if you're not, pretend you're busy. no time for the ex. you have a life, live it. she needs to live hers too, without you.

[JonathanJonathan]

I still love her. And not returning one call after her calling 2-3 times seems very jerk-status. I mean initially, when she realizes I'm not calling her back, what will she be thinking? 'I miss him' or 'what a jerk?' She knows my cellphone is my second weiner...

 

Should I still NC if I have hopes (and there are still chances) that we may reunite?

[Pippa]

Look, it depends what you want. Just think about it this way. Obviousily she is still thinking about you, she has the time, and trouble to still keep you in her life.

 

Although this NC business, and `time to heal`, ain`t for everyone. What I must say to you is.....

 

What is it you want? Do you intend on getting back together? Do you want to be friends?

 

Lets put it this way. One day, she will give up. She will stop emailing, and phoning. She will give up. What is that going to do to you? When you hear nothing, and then you start emailing her, and phoning her. It all sounds like a bit of game playing to me.

 

I have responded to these types of emails in the past and I never end up getting a response back.

Has she done this before? Have you emailed, and she has not responded. If so then it is time to cut your losses, and date other people. Either that give it time, probably months before you even answer.

 

My ex has stopped texting me, and also emailing me. Didn`t even bother to send me a birthday card or even say thank you when I sent her kids cards. She stopped having me in her life, and that really upset me.

 

So what is it you want?

[redandblack]

What do I want?

 

Her to either be with me or without me. Whatever she choses, I want her to do it with all her sway.

[Pippa]

(Slapping my head at the same time and saying, "Doh!")

 

The question was what do you want!? I never asked her what she wanted, and you to agree with it. Thats just a cop out.

 

You`ve not even answered my other questions.

 

To me it sounds like you want more. Of course, and so do I, however my situation is different because my ex is dating someone else, and no longer speaking to me.

 

At least your ex is. Now I ll ask this question again.

 

What will you do when one day she will stop sending you emails, and phoning you?

[redandblack]

Of course I want more. That's why I'm not her friend. What will I do when she stops contacting me? Remember her fondly. I wouldn't have lost anything that I didn't all ready. I don't think being her friend would make her want to date me.

[redandblack]

She's still at it... this sucks! We pretty much parted after her telling me she can't ever see herself with me. (Many many months ago.) Okay, "well, that's that" I thought--not the end of world. But what the heck is she doing trying to contact and be all buddy buddy with me?

 

The world may never know!

[Aurian]

"I don't want to be friends. I want to either be with you as your serious boyfriend or for you to leave me alone. Stop contacting me unless you want to try again. Good-bye."