How to recover when you're the one who ended it

[sukerbut]

love should not be that hard....you will always have the insecurity that you are not good enough.you will always be suspicious (its a horrible feeling and very destructive i might add )..i know i did. the only reason i am so passionate about this subject, is because i am dealing with the extremly demoralizing, hurtfull, disappointing and degrading pain i am going through for the third time by the same cancer. Nerver in my life has one person had so much control over me. Like i am not good enough for her..she has to try three times and every tiem she drops liek i am nothing but a leper..i am successful, fit funny and popular, yet she made me feel ugly , panicked and jealouse, i put ehr on a petastal she did not belong to be put on. i sent you a pm...i hope it helped

[Bounder]

Thanks everyone,

 

Its funny, the other night one of my best friends really raked me over the coals about all of this. He said, man, for the last month and a half you were unsure if you wanted to be in this relationship. you didnt have the enrgy to talk to her about it, instead just clamming up. You finally work up the guts to end it, and now you are acting like a love sick puppy again. What happened? Do you think she is suddenly a saint because you might have hurt her? I dont get it. She wasnt being generous by giving you space while you thought things out, she was too busy anyways. I cant believe that she is completely changed, she is two faced J, and you dont see it. She loved the stability you offered, the love....that what she wants...but she took off when she had another flight of fancy...you need to understand that the passion, spontaneity you love so much will keep hurting you too.

 

Then he challenged me if i was ready to chase her down right now and try and get her backand I said no, i need to heal from last year, thats why I am in the spot i am now. Thats it, he said, its over, because when you heal you wont want her back. I dont know about that. Why does spontaneity mean that they cant commit? Why an i worrying about getting her back when I cant even make myself get over what happened last time? Am i putting the cart before the horse? I guess I should have put more enrgy into fixing it when i was pondering it over the last two months, but i didnt feel like i could, because every time i tried the nightmares just came back.....

 

Anyways, this is getting repetitive, I am sorry. It just feels nice to feel support and get all this stuff out. Thanks so much everyone and please, i want to listen to your stories too!