how do i come out?

[iwantyoutowantme]

ive known i was bi for a few years, i just never wanted to admit it to myself. everyone kept saying it was bad and not a good thing, but when i couldnt lie to myself anymore i felt so dirty. that was last year.

this year im completely accepting of my sexuality. only my friends and brother/dad know.

my parents are split, so my dad doesnt tell my mother everything.

my question is, how do i tell my mom im bi?

she and my grandma say "its a trend all these people are trying to be popular" and it hurts to hear them say that.

im literally scared out of my mind thinking about telling my mom- i dont care what my grandma thinks, she always digs on my personal life so i dont give a sh*t what she thinks.

 

im terrified, but i want my mother to know SO badly.

how do i come out to her?

[James005]

Hey I hear you. Telling familly can be difficult. That fact that you have told your borther and father also means that you have accepted yourself. Sometimes accepting yourself is the hardest part.

There is a group out There PFLAG.

link removed

 

thats the Canadian website, check it out VERY USEFUL!!!

Print out some things and use those to help your mom. as well let her know that this isn't just some phase/trend, it's REAL. Let her know how long you have been in silence for, living a lie. But most importantly tell your mother only when you feel comfortable, do it in a neutral place, somewhere that regardless of the out come either of you can just walk the other way and find your OWN way's home. Also if you want to tell her now but are concerned get your brother to help you out, get him in your corner- Im assuming he is understanding of your position and not against it.

depending on where you live, if you have help/resource groups for the GLBTQS-2 communities go there tell them your situation, they will help!

Least, thats what I have done and its worked out very well for me.

Don't spend 6 years in the closet like I did because you'll never get those years back!

I hope this helps.

If you need any more help/info send me a private message.

 

Hope all goes well

 

James.

[kadvati79]

I think of coming out as a process with no real endpoint, rather than a one-off event. It references times that I choose to be open about my sexuality, which occurs practically every day when I meet someone new.

 

I have two methods for "coming out":

 

1. For people I don't know that well; I believe they take their cue on how to react from you - even if they have negative connotations surrounding your sexuality. So I just throw it in there normally, as if it were nothing special or unusual (which it isnt). For example: someone asks me what my partner does, and I might say "He is a ballet dancer". I have never had a bad reaction from this. As I said, people take their cue from you... if you are confident, happy, and normal about it - then people just don't really care (in general), or if they do they keep it too themselves.

 

2. For people who know me well (such as family members); For these people it will be a shock. Expect them to take it poorly for a start. The image of who you were has been shattered. They will likely feel confused or betrayed, although they will have trouble figuring out who they feel betrayed by. But this will be brief in most cases, remember how long it took YOU to come to terms with it - give your close friends and family some space about it, some time to adjust. Introduce them to that side of you slowly.

 

In my situation my parents reacted very poorly for start, lots of tears, lots of harsh words and discussions. But now, when I talk to my mum on the phone she asks ME about the boy I am dating without me volunteering anything!

 

Good luck, and be strong and confident - people take their cue off you.

[FoxLocke]

I agree with Icemotoboy 100%...

 

Be prepared from the inevitable backlash from your family. Unless your family already knew you were gay, or you come from a liberal minded background, brace for harsh comments and reactions...

When I told my mom the first thing she did was run and hug me. My mother is just that kind of person. No matter what she loves with her whole heart. She was just as afraid and confused so I allowed myself to be an open book. Whatever questions she asked I volunteered them.

Things really didn't start to go downhill until the news was spread around my entire family, before I could muster the courage to tell anyone...

Needless to say it was a living hell. At this point I don't talk to anyone in my family, except my mother.

 

If you come from a religious or conservative(or both)background be prepared to stand your ground. I may sound pessimistic, but ridicule and rejection happens to ALOT of gay men and women out there...

 

But, on the bright side, parents who truly love their children won't allow religion or politics to stand in the way....

 

Good luck to you.

 

P.S.

 

Take James' advice about PFLAG. Were it not for PFLAG my mom and I would have both gone nuts. PFLAG really helps people with the coming out process, and they offer support for parents having a hard time coping.

[iwantyoutowantme]

ill definitely take a look at that site, thanks!

my friends were the 1st ones i told, and they acted like all i said was "good morning"- no changes, so i got confident from their reactions.

my father always said i could tell him everything- and i have, so i figured, "i told him i wanted to try pot, i told him i cut myself, why cant i tell him im bi?" he just said "i dont care. be yourself, thats all you need to be in life. id be disappointed if you didnt tell me or feel comfortable with it."

my brother was a littl shocked, but took it in stride.

now he jokes around about it, when a girls on tv he'll go "Eryn, isn't she cute?" and i laugh cause we're both so close i dont mind.

 

but one time my brother said my mom freaked on my dad. i guess she said "if Eryn said she was gay, we'd still love her, right? i mean, we have to love our kids no matter what, right?"

so i think she *kinda* is suspicious, but i hope that site will help.

 

but im scared cause if she hates me for it or something, ill be torn apart emotionally by it

[leicsbimale]

my advice is don't come out to her. mothers have an image of their dear little offspring, and it can hurt them quite deeply if they don't turn out to measure up to what they think you are, show off to their friends etc, harsh, but fact of life. only do so if there is no alternative. i told my wife i was bi, but only when she asked me straight out and i did not want to lie to her. we get on fine with the situation, but deep down she would have preferred not to have known.

[iwantyoutowantme]

very good point........i suppose if i ever get a gf (which i hopefully will) ill have to tel her. i guess ill wait until then. but part of me still wants her to know! i hate keeping secrets but hey i can for a while longer i suppose

[TalkTalk]

leics, I wouldn't necessarily agree with you. Not all mothers are like that. I personally haven't come out to mine yet, but I doubt that she'd treat me any differently because I'm bi.