should I let go or be friends

[John Blaze]

Me and my girlfriend broke up a few months ago since then I've moved out and kept in touch threw a few phone calls and few e-mails just giving her space. The problem is that I sat down and thought it seems to me that since the break up I've made the only effort to keep in touch and suggest things like dinner, movies and she accepts but is it more for pity or is it because she wants to see me even as friends I had a B-day a few weeks ago I did not even get a call from her to say happy b-day but a e-mail card how low but when I did call her two days later I'm so silly I ask her out for dinner. I'm over the break up but deep down you always feel that things could may be work out if you start over as friends but like I said I'm the only one leaning out my hand I'll send he cards e-mail out the clear blue to just say hi have a good day and all I get back is thanks sent via e-mail what should I do?

[SweetTartz]

I'm so sorry...and maybe I'm the wrong person to give you advise since I'm basically going through the same thing...but I've realized that unless the effort is from both parties, you're only setting yourself up for failure and more heartache.

 

I understand the need to maintain contact and the desire to want more...but sometimes moving on is the only option.

 

Good luck. Wish you all the best.

 

Linda

[street]

I know where your coming from. My ex split up with me 10 weeks ago. We agreed to stay friends, but it seems like im the one making all the effort to stay friends. The trouble with me is im not over it and staying friends is hindering my recovery. So I have decided to not make the contact, let her come to me, I think you should do the same. Let her call you, let her suggest dinner dates. A friendship is a 2 way thing, and I feel both of us are the only ones making the moves. If she never contacts you then its her loss and she has lost a good friend, that's how im looking at it

[John Blaze]

You are so right the fourm has hepled me out so much I think thats what got me threw this. Sometimes i'm wanting to see her just to find out what really went wrong and to find out what I did to make her turn her back on me moreless to learn from past mistakes.

[SweetTartz]

Sometimes it's not about you...it's about them. Rather cliche but true.

[colly]

I think staying friends would be very difficult. I guess it depends on who broke who off in the relationship.

 

Personally, circumstances depending, i would always want more. I could never see an ex truly as a friend, or atleast not for a long while. What may be particularly hurtful is when you see them with another person.

 

Sometimes i think just cutting off all ties, until you are comftable, is the best option.

 

That said, many years on i have regained contact with some of my exes

 

Given that they know your faults and such, they are sometimes very useful to talk to about your current relationship, as they can identify problems they have had with you in the past.

 

Best wished

 

colly

[bryan]

Great advice Colly and everyone else!!! It's all very true what everyone has recommended. I love this forum 8)