why cant i get over it???

[iwantyoutowantme]

im seriously about to go crazy here. last year on april 18th i was molested. i cant go into details- i cant talk about exactly what happened, but he molested me.

i couldnt tell anyone for 2 months. when i finally did my "friend" said-"you asked for it by flirting with him. you cant blame him-i think you deserved it", and walked away. that messed me up BAD.......itd be 3 more months until i told my dad and brother about it.

those whole 5 months i got depressed and stopped having fun- i felt like a for what happened. i didnt feel like a victim- i felt like a naive fool who let things go too far that day.

i was 14 at the time and he said he was 16, but he was reall yalmost 18.

it took me so long to report it, and they said he cant talk to me or he'll get arrested. so he'd glare at me and deny it to everyone, saying i was a and a liar for spreading "lies" about him.

some of my own friends believed him and lashed out at me.

i got seriously depressed and got into self-mutilation, therapy- i dont hurt myself anymore, and therapy helped a lot, but i still get random panic attacks.

a night ago i just had a full-blown meltdown! i used to have dreams where he was just around me, didnt do anything.

but about a month ago i had one where he tried doing it again, and it terrified me.

it was not too long after he tried being nice to me- answering questions id ask my friends, letting me borrow things when id ask someone else for a pen or a lighter.

 

 

i know ill never forget, but why cant i get over it?

any tips on how to deal?

[MewSkitty]

I feel so sorry for you about getting molested. This is the very first time I ever told anyone, but I have urges to touch little kids inappropraitly and it scares the hell out of me by just having these thoughts. I would never be able to live with myself if I hurt someone by doing that. As for getting help, the only way I know that would help me is by talking about it. I know I'm a complete stranger, but sometimes you can't open up to someone you know in person. If you feel the neeed to talk you can always come to me and I'll listen and try my best to help. If you decide to contact me, either send me a PM or call my cell phone if you live in the US. My number's in my sig.

[lostlove]

you can't get over it because it was traumatic. have you considered that you may possibly have a post traumatic stress disorder?

 

the way i've dealed with trauma from my past is through creative outlets-- acting, singing, and most of all visual arts like drawing and painting. also, when i went to a mental hospital last year, one thing we did every day that REALLY helped me, was we would all go down to the gym and scream as loud as we possibly could. it helped me to reallize that one shouldn't hold back they're emotions. if you need to cry, sob, shout, be angry, just do it. that's the best way to deal...being open and honest with yourself about what happened.

 

 

things are gonna get better for you. i promise.

[yeawutever]

I'm sorry to hear about what happened and that whomever you thought was your friend sure wasn't, no you didn't do anything to deserve it. Glad you finally told your father and brother. These things are very hard to get over with, I suggest you seek a counseling right away.

[iwantyoutowantme]

aw thanks...i have gotten counseling, but never finished it. but even that little bit helped a little, so i know itll help if i go back in. i really think i should.

i havent written poems or anything ina while- mainly because my writing nowadays scare me

(reading my old journals from the past year made me think "no thats not me writing that")

but even today im writing the same, i dont have the urge to draw but i like painting.

lol painting old furniture helps me!

 

and i know things'll get better, i ve just been wanting to scream so loud for so long but as weird as it sounds, i dont know where

[iwantyoutowantme]

and agh!!!- i cant PM you mewskitty it wont work