arranged marriages - what do you guys think of it??

[pchellak]

Its definitely not a thing of the past and it certainly is not a tribal deal. Just because it does not exist in the west does not mean it doesn't exist. There exists a world outside of the US. There are cultures where it is still popular. It has evolved from its strict traditional stance but still exists.

[ghost69]

Its definitely not a thing of the past and it certainly is not a tribal deal. Just because it does not exist in the west does not mean it doesn't exist. There exists a world outside of the US. There are cultures where it is still popular. It has evolved from its strict traditional stance but still exists.

 

i never said it didn't exist. sorry if i worded that wrong. i still think it is a thing of the past. you can't choose? i think that is crazy. maybe it is a west thing.

[RayKay]

I think they have as much of a chance of working out as a "non arranged marriage" however I have also seen personally cases where in many of these cultures one becomes very "trapped" in the marriage once they are in it. While they can often last longer, I am not sure how much of this is due to the culture's views on divorce, etc or not. That notwithstanding, love is an action, and something you create together, so I think that couples that go into it with the belief and commitment to that can find a great love and respect, more so than those whom may go in believing love is a feeling that will just last them forever as they are with their "soul mate". Soul mates in my opinion are created as your relationship develops.

 

We have a large immigrant population in my city, and there are a couple of my classmates whom are in arranged marriages (both come from India). One fellow actually went back to India this summer to get married to his own future bride.

 

One of my classmates however had to drop out halfway through semester as her new husband did not approve of her being in school, and was very jealous....apparently their marriage is horrible but she feels she has little choice as a divorce would cast a shadow over her from her culture and her family is not supportive of her, in terms of telling her she must listen to her husband. She is thousands of miles away from her family, home and definitely feels 'trapped'. She is just an example of how sometimes it is not so healthy, but I think hers was also a "forced" arranged marriage rather than one where she had some say in the future groom, as I know other families do do.

[ghost69]

yeah maybe in some cases it works out. i think of it as having a animal as a pet. you don't think if the door was open to the outside world your dog or cat would leave? some would come back.

[pchellak]

I completely agree with you guys that in some cases the system is unfair and unjust. But as a person from the west, you only come accross a few individuals with arranged marriages. How can you judge a system based on a few?

 

Just my 2 cents!

[lonely_me]

I was also raised in the US but come from a family that believes in arranged marriages. My own parents had an arranged marriage - they knew each other for 2 days before the engagement, 7 before the wedding.

 

While I have also heard statistics about arranged marriages lasting longer, I do not believe that there is something about an arranged marriage that makes it more successful. I think that whether you have a love marriage or an arranged one, you have no idea who you'll be married to in 20 years and it's up to both spouses to make it work. However, I think people who were raised to think arranged marriages are okay were also raised to think divorces are not. A lot of people go in to marriages knowing that if it doesn't work out, they have an out. Cultures promoting arranged marriages tend to be much stricter and less open to divorce, which I believe explains why people in arranged marriages are more likely to have a successful marriage. They were raised eith the understanding that their marriage will be arranged and that they will make it work, no matter what.