I can't do this, I'm at work right now and he's here PART II

[foolishgirl]

I don't know what to do and this is slowly killing me.

 

This is a saga of a few threads now.... "He says he's still in love with me but breaks up with me" and this one being we both work together. yay.

 

I don't see us getting back together ever. I wish we would every day, not a day goes by I don't think of him. We were amazing together. A few months back we booked the same week off which is this coming week to celebrate our one year anniversary. We were supposed to go camping Where we met, in the rockies when the northern lights come out. Now he's using this week to move out of his mom's basement and into his new condo, and I'm using this week to drive my new car back home to the province I moved out here from (for him and work). Apart and Alone. And it kills me inside.

 

This morning I woke up early to take care of something and couldn't get back to bed, knowing after work today I was officially on vacation - as is he.... with two days away from what would of been the anniversary of the day we first met... being unseperable from that day forward. Our one year anniversary. I couldn't get back to sleep and I just cried and cried. I then felt this wave of panic.... See we always agreed despite us breaking up that we'd celebrate this day out of significance of my moving here and meeting each other - a life changing moment for the both of us irregardless of the outcome. And if it wasn't on the exact day of the 16th, it would be around there. Just because it is special.

 

But lately it's like he's avoiding it.... and me. Though he says he isnt' and wants to hear all about what I'm doing.

 

Anyway this morning, when I couldn't get back to sleep a wave of panic hit me about being alone. I couldn't stop thinking of the amazing times we had, and how good it was, and how a few days before he looked me in the eyes and told me how much he loved me. I couldn't stop thinking of everything. Us then breaking up. Him so upset about it and crying, my crying why we shouldn't be doing this.... so I emailed him. Just saying "Happy vacation!" and wondering if we were still gonna get together before I left for BC.

 

Then I texted him. I know. I am weak. I just needed to hear his voice. I felt so alone for a bit and wanted to hear his voice. Then I tried calling him but just got his voicemail. I left a message and said, "well Just wanted to wish you a happy vacation. Hoping you and I could get together before I leave..."

 

He called me back, and asked me what was wrong. I told him... then he's like, "Jeez... I get two texts' from you (I DID NOT SEND TWO!!) a phone call and an email within 20 minutes? Isn't that a bit much?"

 

I could hear my heart ripping in half. He never used to be this cold. I can understand it was a bit much but he promised me he'd never be gone and that he'd always be here for me. We always had something that not too many people could understand or explain... but when we are in a room together you can see it. You can feel it.

 

The other day when I bought my new car he was so happy for me and gave me a big hug... but it was distant. Its like he's scared to touch me even, let alone talk to me or hang out with me. I don't understand it. Before we used to play vid's, watch movies, inseperable. I don't get how he can so easily just walk away from this... and be so cold to me... and knowing how significant the next week is completely blow me off as if its nothing special. I am close to crying now. I'm at work and I'll be running into him again I'm sure. God please help me I know I should just leave for BC and not look back or talk to him, but he'll call.... and he'll be worried like he said he was already that I was going... and then our 1 year is on Sunday.

 

I can hear myself screaming inside. Please someone help me please. Someone please. I'm not trying to be dramatic at all, I'm hurting.

[Hope75]

Hey there girl,

 

Welcome to enotalone.

 

I'm sorry that this is what brought you here.

 

It's a tough spot when a guy says he loves you, but completely opposes that statement by breaking up with you. Can we get a few more details about why he broke it off? Was there any indication of trouble before he called it off?

 

I am more of the mind to pay attention to his actions than what he says. Without more of a history on your relationship, it's hard to say what his reasons are for ending it, but seeing as he did and is now remaining distant and uninterested, it's best to do what you can to try and move on and let him go.

 

I know you guys had a special trip and an anniversary planned for this weekend, which makes it especially hard not to think about him and feel sad, but remember, you are broken up now and those plans have become null and void because of that. My suggestion would be to do something special for YOURSELF this weekend. Something like a massage, or a manicure, a long walk at your favorite park or woods. Go see a chick flick with a girlfriend, or have lunch with your mom. The more you keep busy, the less time you will have to sit around and feel sorry that things are over.

 

((HUGS)) You will get through this!

[foolishgirl]

we broke up because he thought we were missing something. There was a huge lack of intimacy only because of stress from work going no where for him, living in his mom's basement, and his sleepapnia which was going untreated. Then as a result to help him sleep he'd drink a lot (happy drinking though for us in our early twenties, I'm in my mid twenties) and smoke cigarettes. Usually with lack of intimacy you'd think you've lost that lovin feeling... but with us we were still in love... there was just something else that was wrong. I honestly feel its that his life was in such disarray that he felt he couldn't committ to helping a relationship until he had the rest of his life back on track. He is an honourable man like that.

 

Now that we are apart he says he is happy with the way things are, but he also says he couldn't possibly date anyone right now, and that he still has feelings for me. Down the road he says he doesn't know what will happen. But right now, he likes it the way it is.

[foolishgirl]

anyone please? I'm leaving tomorrow before our 1 year anniversary and am still debating if I should check in with him to confirm I'm ok when I'm gone (as he asked) and if I should still do something with him.... should I give up? Please someone respond before I go! He hasn't even called or said goodbye to me now and he's never been like this to me!

[foolishgirl]

DARN IT! and now he just texted me to tell me to call him after work so I can share his VACATION happiness with him. GRRRRR! I so want to too! Why does he have such a hold on my heart and how do I stop obessing over this boy!? (Him being really cute and old fashioned and sweet when he wants DOES NOT HELP!!!)

[feelin_blue]

I could hear my heart ripping in half. He never used to be this cold. I can understand it was a bit much but he promised me he'd never be gone and that he'd always be here for me.

 

I think men say things like he'd never be gone and that they'll always be there for you during a break up because it makes them feel better and makes the whole situation easier on them. To be honest I think the fact that you get to leave during your vacation is a blessing in disguise. You get to be the one to put some distance between you both and hopefully the distance will allow you to see things more clearly. I wouldn't call to check in - why should you have to be the one to make the effort communicating? You tried that before and it seemed to piss him off. I think if he wants to speak let him be the one initiate it. Don't give him any excuses. Being suddenly snappy or cold with you (for example with the text messages and phone calls) sounds like a case of him trying to cause an atmosphere which detracts from the real situation going on with the break up. Use your vacation to catch up with friends, relax and enjoy yourself. Pretend that he's a million miles away where theres no cell phone service or internet connection to avoid contact. Give it two weeks, come back on here and tell us how your doing then take it from there. Keep smiling Best of luck.

[Hope75]

Hey There Foolish Girl,

 

So let's take stock of what we have here.

 

He has told you he does not want a relationship with you.

 

You want a relationship with him, your heart is broken by his choice not to be with you.

 

Tell me, will it help you in the long run, to spend time with him, share his 'vacation happiness' do anything with him, if he doesn't want to be with you and you want to be with him?

 

I don't think so. Do you? What do you think is the best thing for you to do in this situation, honestly, and thinking with your head vs. your heart?

[foolishgirl]

Sooo I've had a few drinks now... thinking he's probably out with his friends since we broke up... our one year anniversary would of been this weekend, on Sunday.

 

We agreed we'd spend it together. We booked off this whole coming week together, months ago. But now that we've broken up he's moving into his new condo, and I'm driving home to another province that I moved away from to be here with him.

 

I miss him so much. I know there has to be something inside him which is why I can't seem to let go. Its not that I am trying to convince myself there is.... I just know there is. I hate it so much but its like there is something left undone yet. You can feel it, and see it when we are together and I think that's why he's afraid to be around me. Because he knows there is something that could potentially be serious but he's not ready for it yet. So he'd rather do the honorable thing and break it off. Which could explain the mixed signals he keeps sending me, cleaning up my place for me while I'm gone and leaving surprises for me... asking me to check in with him if I go away for a vacation so he knows I'm ok...

... and it feels so good to hear he cares...

... That son of a *&@^#! Why this has to be happening is beyond me. Its hard to let go of a story book romance and I can't seem to yet. I am afraid I am never going to get over this. Its destructive almost, with a 'I don't give a sh*t' attitude. Why should I anyway? He doesn't sometimes, lately almost cold which isn't like him I can't figure it out. Then after its like he feels guilty, and will text me a message like, "call me when your off work so we can share this vacation happiness together"! (no kidding).

 

Does anyone understand what the heck is going on cause its tearing at my heart still being badly in love with this guy!

[Hope75]

Hey There,

 

Foolish girl, Can you tell me how analyzing this is helping you?

 

You seem to be in alot of pain right now and aren't really doing anything to heal yourself or try and move forward.

 

The truth is, no one knows that your ex is thinking but him. Maybe he's guilty for hurting you, maybe he has some unresolved feelings but has decided anyway that he does not want to be with you. Either way, the end result is the same, he is choosing not to be with you. *ouch* Hon, I know this hurts and I'm sorry. I am worried because you seem stagnated there, wondering what he's doing, what he's feeling, and you are doing anything for yourself.

 

He's made the choice to be without you and move on... can you think of some things that might help you do the same?

 

I asked you a question in my previous post, that you have not yet addressed. Here it is:

 

Tell me, will it help you in the long run, to spend time with him, share his 'vacation happiness', do anything with him, if he doesn't want to be with you and you want to be with him?

 

I don't think so. Do you? What do you think is the best thing for you to do in this situation, honestly, and thinking with your head vs. your heart?

 

Can you think about that a little bit? What do you think?