Am I being too paranoid?

[Luck of the Irish]

Okay, so my story has progressed. We talked a lot and agreed to work it out. It's been two days so far. I took off work tonight to spend the day with her, because I have meetings out of town all the rest of the week. She didn't take it off for me, and I know she can. She is rude when I call her and cut me off short twice because she was too tired to talk. I'm tired too, but I jump up and answer the phone after I hear that first ring. Here's what I'm worrying myself sick over. She has been writing the guy she cheated on me with. She wrote him and called him while we were apart, so that aspect is not a problem. It hurts, but say if I went on a date while we were broken up, then it couldn't be an issue. Same for her. She promised me she would write him a final letter. She said she has no feelings for him, and she wants to work on us. And be in love again. This is the thing that officially starts our rebuilding, healing, and getting back together process. We both made that very clear.

 

It's been two days. I didn't push her to do it, but I politely asked her what the hold up was. It only has to be a few sentences saying what I'm sure you can imagine. "I love him, not you, don't write back ever again. Good bye." I told her this and she says something like "No! I want to say a little hello, and be polite to him in that letter." I am very confused, and as you see, worried. This only happened 30minutes ago. I am worried that she still has feelings for this guy. If that's the case, then it's a deal breaker for me. I'm not putting myself through that meat grinder ever again. The stupid thing only takes 5 minutes to write, but she says "I have no time'. If it were me, I would write it the day we made up. I've already worked out every possible way that she can lie to me about this. I'm going to ask for the other letters, and sneakily compare the two addresses. I'm going to read her letter, and watch her stamp it, lick it, and stick it into a mail box. Horrible? I agree. But this seems like the only way to know. She's not good at hiding things.

 

I leave for Ft. Benning, Georgia in a few weeks. I will be gone ovr 4 months. If we do not make any progress in these few weeks, I fear we will not last. I understand it takes time, but she has done nothing. I've sought counsel with people in my church, talked to her father, and have been as understanding and patient as humanly possible. I can only do so much without her. The bulk of the work lies in talking together by ourselves, and with a mentor. The clock is ticking, and I fear our relationsihp is coming to an end. Why can't she do such a small thing?

[HangingInThere]

wow..all of that from you?! (i am being sacrastic here).....why are you demanding her to write an email and then compare it and balh blah blah.

 

you guys decided to give it another shot, fine, but you are already starting out on the wrong leg here!

 

this is someone that she once dated and she said that she wanted to be with you again and not him...okay its only been 2 days? why does she need to prove herself that way

 

something like this happened to me...we both did it...he did it to me first and i was very upset that he made me do it (the same day when he was away i sent a text to my friend and told him please forgive and i am sorry I said those things - he knew exactly what i was going thru and the personi was involved with and he admire and appreciated me as a friend, so it was easy for him to accept my apologies!

Then months later idid it to him, just to be an ahole and was really ashamded and embarrass afterwards tha i made him do that!

 

also, why must it be on your own timing (the world doesn't evolve around you)

 

from the looks of it, you are not trusting her and that is a bad way to rekkindle a relationship

[Luck of the Irish]

We both agreed that it would be that day. Sorry I didn't clarify. I just read over it again, and it does sound pretty bad! We both agreed to talk to a counsellor already, and I'm the one who has gone. I can sense that there are still feelings for him. I am so worried because I am leaving as soon as one week. If I leave our relationship like this, I won't come back to one. We need something to stand on. Atleast a little progress.

[HangingInThere]

but try to understand this Luck, if you force her to write this and she does it because of this pressure, who is to say that afterwards and while you are gone she doesn't make amends with him?!

 

Leave it up to here and let her do it on her own, no coercion, at least you will know then that she is 'serious'.

 

Woldn't prefer to know that she is not with him because she really doesn't want to be with him, or you prefer her to be pressured and go away thinking she did it only because i Forced her too?

 

Just let do this on her own, if that is what she chooses to do

[lady00]

Why does she need a finely crafted final letter? A simple "I can't see you anymore," will do. If she really has no feelings for him and just wants to be with you, that should be a pretty easy and quick message to send off.