brickchamp Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 I cannot BELIEVE what I've done. After over a month of NO CONTACT - NONE! I have gone and texted him....Please see my thread to see what brought this meltdown on....How am I supposed to have ANY self respect now....and having to face him all weekend AGAIN...God. It just gets better and better. I thought I was going to NEVER break NC. I thought I was STRONG. Well, all it took was me hearing his voice on the phone to send me into a freaking tailspin. Now I don't know WHAT to do! To see what happened, please read my first and last posts here: THANKS GUYS! I feel like I've let all my friends here down. I'M SORRY!!! I honestly did not think I'd crack! But I guess that can happen when someone you are so in love with and broke your heart CALLS unexpectedly and you have to hear the non-feeling in his voice.. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..........WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH Link to comment
brando Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 Don't worry about it, their is nothing you can do now. Just try not to do it again. Baby steps. One minute at a time. Easy does it. Be gentle with yourself. It's ok, it happens. Please dont torment yourself over this. You will get through it. Link to comment
brickchamp Posted July 7, 2006 Author Share Posted July 7, 2006 Thanks brando....I was talking to need2beme about the whole "running things by your brain FIRST before doing or saying something rash." I can't seem to get that system down, so no telling how long I'll be beating my head into a wall over this mess up! I did well last weekend, acting unaffected by him, but that aloof exterior is blown to hell now I guess. At least it was nothing relationship related. It was a congratulatory email. But obviously I'm thinking of him if I sent the darn thing! UGH! I ALWAYS SHOOT MYSELF IN THE FOOT! I guess I should be amazed I lasted over a month before becoming WEAK! I hate myself with a passion now, and I really DON'T know what to expect from this weekend. Have I now creeped him out? Great! Yeah, this is going reeeeeeeeeeeaaalllly well. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 what exactly did you say in this text? Link to comment
brickchamp Posted July 7, 2006 Author Share Posted July 7, 2006 hi annie. I congratulated him on a big time work achievement. And I did it in my own way. He always loved how funny I am, so it was kind of funny. That was about it. Way to go, woo hoo, and a couple of inside jokes relating to his achievement. Nothing about US...except for the inescapable fact that I TEXTED HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! No response of course. He's vowed to never speak to me again to his friend I USED to be with....this FRIEND thinks my ex is a "piece of *beep*" by the way...He breaks my heart to not hurt THAT guy? PLEASEEEEEEEE. It gets worse and worse.....thanks annie Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 ok, it's not so bad! It's not like you texted him to tell him that you were outside his bedroom window and were building a shrine to him in your basement! no worries, it was just a congratulatory text, no worries. Link to comment
friscodj Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 Maybe (I hope) this was the kick in the * * * you needed to finally get on the right track out of this mess...someday you'll probably look back and thank him for doing it... Now... If you pull a stunt like this again, I'm going to kick you in the * * * myself... Link to comment
brickchamp Posted July 7, 2006 Author Share Posted July 7, 2006 Oh is that right, Frisco. If I'm feeling feisty and I text him or talk to him this weekend, I have a butt-kicking to look forward to...delievered in person by YOU? LOL Link to comment
friscodj Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 Oh is that right, Frisco. If I'm feeling feisty and I text him or talk to him this weekend, I have a butt-kicking to look forward to...delievered in person by YOU? LOL A good * * * kicking will feel better than the other side of the pillow compared what will lie ahead continuing down this path with this guy... Link to comment
brickchamp Posted July 7, 2006 Author Share Posted July 7, 2006 I knowwwww this is NOT a good path..it is really freaking bumpy, there are falling rocks and downed trees and powerlines all over it....so WHY can't I get the hell off of it? I have never understood why I can't just ACCEPT things and move on. Why do I waste my life looking for signs of life in this relationship, when it's obviously roadkill? I hate myself tonight. Not a good day. Not a good day AT ALL! Link to comment
friscodj Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 I knowwwww this is NOT a good path..it is really freaking bumpy, there are falling rocks and downed trees and powerlines all over it....so WHY can't I get the hell off of it? I have never understood why I can't just ACCEPT things and move on. Why do I waste my life looking for signs of life in this relationship, when it's obviously roadkill? I hate myself tonight. Not a good day. Not a good day AT ALL! It is a tough road...so what are you going to do? Get tough in return or lay down? And I have been there before. I really think what happened today will ultimately bring you closer to the promised land. It will help the reality of the situation sink in and turn your perspective in the right direction... So pick yourself up, quit your whining, get back on the right track...and don't worry about it...tomorrow is a another day you won't do this again... Look, people can give you advice until next Christmas, but that won't change the fact that you have to put your back into this and get the job done... Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 Have you read the book, "It's called a breakup because it's broken?" It's a good book, pretty repetative, but that's only to make sure that the message gets drummed into your head. Link to comment
brickchamp Posted July 7, 2006 Author Share Posted July 7, 2006 thats for the nice words and great advice raingate...in fact YES, my best friend knows what I'm going thorugh, and she is going try to accompany me this weekend...fingers crossed....I know, I feel so stupid for texting him, but it's done. I just have to try again to not let him ruin my weekend OR my life....it's just taking longer than I'd like! Thanks..... Link to comment
brickchamp Posted July 7, 2006 Author Share Posted July 7, 2006 Thanks annie....I'll have to check that out, based on the title alone. And thanks for reassuring me on the "harmless" congratulatory text. No, I wasn't telling him I was constructing a shrine in his honor....that will be in next week's text though...NOT! Really...haha Link to comment
brickchamp Posted July 7, 2006 Author Share Posted July 7, 2006 Well Frisco...I thought I was being tough. NC for a month. Stayed composed all weekend. Was pretty prepared for THIS weekend. Then BOOM, I answer a phone call and I hear his voice on the other line. First time in a long time....That did throw me for a loop. It's like, all this progress GONE! Pisses me off. But I'll TRY to stop whining Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 Yes, it's a good book. I bought it practically the second my ex and I broke up. It's by Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt. With fabulous, helpful chapters such as: It's called a breakup because it's broken There are no new messages He's not hiding at the bottom of that pint of ice cream Stop calling in sick If he was so great, you'd still be together and a bonus chapter for the chaps: Dude, get off her lawn Link to comment
aymee_lee Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 Brickchamp- I just stumbled accross your thread (and it seems like you have a lot of good friends here, I feel as though I'm crashing a private party ) but I just wanted to say I've been there too. And I agree with annie, it seems like it was just a text to say congratulations. That seems pretty harmless to me. And if he is looking at his phone thinking anything negative then let him, he should at least be able to see it for what it is, a nice message from a friend (or aquaintance, or whatever). Don't beat yourself up over it. He's probably not even thinking about it anymore. At least now when you get the urge to text him again you can remember how it felt when he rudely couldn't even text back a 'thanks' this time, and you'll probably be able to avoid the temptation. Good luck Link to comment
friscodj Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 It's like, all this progress GONE! I don't think it is gone. I think it is more similar to you falling down, stopping forward progress, and having to expend effort to get back up and keep moving in the right direction... So yeah, sack up and git 'er done...that's the bottom line here... Link to comment
brickchamp Posted July 7, 2006 Author Share Posted July 7, 2006 Hey aymee lee...I do have some great friends here, and you are welcome to crash our "party" anytime! Thanks for the encouragement. What you said makes sense. I sent him a nice text. How can he see something wrong in that? If he does, then he's the one with the problem. And YES, you better believe if I ever feel the urge to text him again, the silent treatment I received today will make me stop and think!! Thanks... Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 amylee really does bring up a good point. if he didn't respond to a congratulatory text, that just reinforces the fact that this man is not "The One." The love of your life would return a nice text message, right? thereforeeee, this man is not the love of your life. (((HUGS))) Link to comment
brickchamp Posted July 7, 2006 Author Share Posted July 7, 2006 Thanks for the much needed hugs Annie! I am having to get ready for another weekend of seeing him, but I think my perspective will have changed, so MAYBE it won't be as hard. Like you said, this is not the one I'm meant to be with, and I really do need to try to make myself believe it, and get back to living! Thanks. I'll let you know how the weekend goes! Link to comment
need2bme Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 Hey, at least you did not do what my dumbarse did. I had to go home and hug and kiss and cry and flirt and STILL got treated later, like it did not happen. She just wants it to go away. Well, ya know what, I will. This is not a step back. It will be a step back, if you allow him to know you are wallowing in it. I wonder if this is a case of; what if? I know I have it. How about this? What if they would have treated us RIGHT too? I still like the way ICEMOTOBOY and Dr. Phil put it (it goes a little something like this), "it takes 1 to really mess up a relationship, but it takes 2 to totally obliterate it." YES! That means they had their parts. Sure, I probably started us down this road, but for as much as she told me she tried to work it out and tried to show me love, she never talked to me about it. In fact, most of the time she told me she did not want to talk about it and used the excuse that I was the one she could not talk to, because I was the one she really loved (I guess it is supposedly harder to talk with the ones you love). HUH? ...are joo kiddeeng me? One time, at band camp (not really, we were at a party) she actually put her hand up and hushed me. She fricken HUSHED ME! Then she moved her hand as if to tell me to run along, like I was a child. Sure, we can be at another party and when the girlies are all flirtin', then she walks around like I am her man (hey, I used to be the sheeeeite ), then when things don't go her way at a different party, she hushes me.... So, you see my dear friend, don't sweat it...just don't do it again! Link to comment
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