LovinIt Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 What can I say. I posted before about being unfaithful to the guy I was dating. I was so unhappy with our relationship...he could never fully give me his heart, and I realized that. I did something despicable....and hooked up with one of our co workers. I never thought he would find out....as this guy would never say anything and either would I. I realized what I was doing was wrong....and after fighting with my man for a week and a half...I came to the conclusion that I needed to stop seeing this other guy in order to fix the relationship with my man. My man's name is *Chris. So, Chris and I talked on Saturday and we made plans to go hiking on Sunday....and to go on a real date...to try and patch things up. I had planned on letting this other guy know that I needed to stop seeing him, since he was affecting my relationship to much. Saturday night Chris came over after work...at 4 in the morning. For the first time in two weeks I was happy to see him. While Chris was outside, I was text messaging the other guy, telling him I missed him, and was sorry I could not spend the night with him...and he was equally missing me. I fell asleep while Chris was still having some beers with my boss, who is messing around with my roomate. I was awakened by Chris holding my phone and asking me to explain. It was so bad from there. He took all of his stuff, told me he no longer loved me, and that I was nothing to him. After a battle, he left my house. He came back the next day to pick up some of the stuff he lent me, and he then gave me a ride to campus where my car had been from the night before. On the way there, he started crying. My heart broke. We both ended up getting wasted at bars next to each other, i was at one, he was at the one we work at. You guys, I know I did something wrong. I am sorry for it. But i love this man, and I cheated on him because I felt like I needed to get out of the relationship i was in. I was unhappy, and I looked for a way to escape. Chris told me today, that he felt like a fool, and that he wanted more than anything to see me, and that he missed me, but he can't let himself feel like that right now. I understand. Do you think it will get better???I cant lose him, but I dont know what to do. I messed up. But i love him, and I want y future to be with him. How can I fix this??? Please, some advice, although I do not deserve anyones sympathy, I would like to know that I am not alone. I feel like dying almost, because it hurts so much. IS anyone there? ](*,) Link to comment
yeawutever Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 Well that's a real tough one there, b/c now he's not gonna know if you really regret it or only cuz he caught you on the lie. But honestly, are you really sure you want him or are you just afraid of being alone??? Link to comment
Phoenix69 Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 You're not alone honey, but you do have some serious thinking to do... Which one do you want? And why do you choose this person? I speak from experience that if you are trying to make your SO jealous, you have suceeded, but you have probably done quite a bit of damage to his self esteem and the way he looks at you. This can be improved, but it takes TIME and LOTS of it. If its your BF that you wish to keep, then you have some serious grovelling to do. He won't trust you for a while and you need to be prepared for him to be checking if what you are telling him is true. This means random cellphone checks and things like that. If he really is the one you want, then now is your chance to prove it to him. If you don't want your BF, have the decency to let him go. If you are not getting what you want from your relationship, you have two options. Deal with it and keep going the way you are, or decide what it is you DO want out of a relationship and go and find it elsewhere. Sorry to be a bit harsh, but hey, I speak from experience and girls only cheat when they are unhappy with something. Link to comment
yeawutever Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 Ok now I remember your posts. I honestly dunno why can you say you cheated if he told you from the start he didn't wanna commit and didn't want a b/f and g/f relationship. If it was a casual and not a commited relation, then he can't expect you to commit,thus you didn't cheated. Link to comment
LovinIt Posted July 3, 2006 Author Share Posted July 3, 2006 I love him...and I didnt know how much until now. I wish I could take it all back....I miss him soo much. I cant believe the pain this is causing...It makes me sick to think about how much we are hurting. I just want to hold him. The thing is....he cheated on his girlfriend for a month with me before we got together....can't he understand what it's like??? He did the SAME thing, and she just never found out. Does that count for anything? Link to comment
yeawutever Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 If its your BF that you wish to keep, then you have some serious grovelling to do. He won't trust you for a while and you need to be prepared for him to be checking if what you are telling him is true. This means random cellphone checks and things like that. If he really is the one you want, then now is your chance to prove it to him. If you don't want your BF, have the decency to let him go. If you are not getting what you want from your relationship, you have two options. Deal with it and keep going the way you are, or decide what it is you DO want out of a relationship and go and find it elsewhere. Sorry to be a bit harsh, but hey, I speak from experience and girls only cheat when they are unhappy with something. It's not her b/f, it's her date man and if you read her previous posts, he stated form the start he wanted nothing serious, he doesn't want a b/f and g/f relation. Link to comment
Iceman26 Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 I think all you can really do is give him time. I think you should spend sometime evaluating what is going on with YOU, because I sense a great deal of confusion from your post. Namely because you say how much you love Chris, and were happy to see him, yet at the same time you are texting this other guy telling him you miss him. All you can really do is give him time, and I hope you feel better and learn something from this. Maybe you will find that what you have learned is that even though you feel love towards Chris, at some level you realize that if you cheated on him, he simply isn't the one for you. Link to comment
LovinIt Posted July 3, 2006 Author Share Posted July 3, 2006 how do i prove it to him??? Link to comment
Iceman26 Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 I think if you want to prove you love him, be honest, sincere, and upfront with him about the problems you have been having and the reasons you cheated on him. Again though, if you were "missing" the other guy, then perhaps you simply aren't happy in the relationship. Link to comment
yeawutever Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 I cheated on him because I felt like I needed to get out of the relationship i was in. I was unhappy, and I looked for a way to escape. This part I don't get at all and doesn't make any sense. You say you love and and are happy, then you stated that nope, you were unhappy and wanted a way to escape, you got me very confuse there. If you felt the need to get out of the casual relation, then why didn't you simply let him go. I think that what you're feeling sounds more like infatuation towards him, not love. Or do you miss the idea if dating him?? Link to comment
yeawutever Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 how do i prove it to him??? Why do you feel like you own him if he told you from the start he wanted nothing serious?? Link to comment
LovinIt Posted July 3, 2006 Author Share Posted July 3, 2006 We loved each other, and the only reason I wanted out is because I did not see him compromising, however, I think he was getting to that point. He did not want to lose me, and I think he was willing to be 100 percent. I looked for a way to escape because I was afraid of the pain i would feel if I lost him. But i did love him and was happy most of the time. How do i prove to him that i want to be with him???? Link to comment
yeawutever Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 My guess is that since you're feeling you cheated and he feels like that as well, it'll take a while to rebuilt the trust. You may have to answer all his questions and give him access to your passwords and accounts for a while, you basically have to give up some of your privacy until he no wonder has the urge to snoop on you. But before doing that, if he decides to give it another shot, you have to inform him whether you wants an official commited relation or not (b/f and g/f relation). If not, then I don't see why the need to commit. Like I stated on my one of my early post, if I was on a date with a guy for a long while and he didn't wanna commit, I would have walk away long ago. I wouldn't like the idea of being drag like a yo-yo and with no direction towards commitment. Link to comment
robowarrior Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 Well there are two things mainly disturbing here, if you loved him why did you cheat on him? You layered your love with all kinds of conditions instead of loving Chris for who he is. He didn't deserve to be cheated on like that, now his heart is broken to smithereens, he has lost his trust in you, and you are standing with one leg in the relationship with that other guy, and one leg into the life of Chris. Personally i don't think you deserve either of them, moreover what is more important is that you need to properly end one relationship before you start another. This way you will prevent that a current bf will have a shocking nightmare and end up in tears. You are really the one responsible for ripping open his heart. Show some L O Y A L T Y in the future. Link to comment
Spectre22 Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 how do i prove it to him??? dont bang other guys? Link to comment
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