I need your advice...

[singingwolf]

My partner and I have been best friends since we were kids, more than twenty years, and a couple for five years. Yes, we were a little slow on the uptake. We lived together as roommates for years before we realized we were in love as a couple, rather than just loving each other as friends. Six years ago, a year before we became a couple, I got sick with a serious auto-immune disease. I can no longer work, and my only income is Social Security Disability. My partner works full time.

 

A couple of months ago, we decided I should try an experimental treatment of high dose chemotherapy to try to put the disease in remission. I badly want to go back to work. My partner hates her job, and would much rather be the stay at home housewife. The chemo made me extremely sick, and emotionally I was a wreck. My brain chemistry was badly thrown off, to the point where I couldn't stand to be alone and was nearly suicidal. She works 12 hour shifts and sleeps most of the day. I finally suggested I go to stay with my retired parents for a while, and she encouraged it. I'm back home now, my parents drove me back here and stayed a few days. My partner got very angry that they stayed during her weekend, saying that she wanted to be alone with me and that she wanted our bedroom back (we give them our bedroom when they visit). Still feeling insecure and scared of being alone, I was reluctant to let them leave, knowing she would go back to work and I would be alone again. When I didn't tell them they should leave, smy partner got very angry with me and called me selfish, self centered, and accused me of using her. I have never wanted to be a burden to her, and until now, she has always assured me that I wasn't.

 

I am in shock, incredibly hurt and angry. I don't know how to get past this. She's the love of my life and my soulmate, but I don't know if I can forgive such hurtful words. If she thinks I'm such a bad person, how can we be together?

 

Believe it or not, this is the incredibly short version. But can you give me some advice?

 

Singing Wolf

[InHiding]

I would talk to her openly. Yes, those were very hurtful words and should never have been said. She will never be able to take them back, or the feelings they caused. But on the other hand, you guys have been a couple for so long, that it would be a shame to throw that away if you believe you are good for each other. It sounds like a very stressful situation, and maybe she is having trouble coping with her feelings. I don't know all the details, but I'm sure being in her shoes would wear her down considerably, even if she loves you and wants nothing more than to make you happy. Perhaps she just had her own breakdown.

 

If she continues feeling this way, maybe you two should part for a while. The last thing you need is to feel like a burden, there is nothing you can do to fix the situation, as much as you would like to (it sounds like). But definently talk to her first. I hope this helps.

[Considerate Empath]

I so far agree with BWB, but have to ask you first:

 

My partner got very angry that they stayed during her weekend

 

What did you mean by "her" weekend, exactly? Probably just that you guys had decided to just spend that particular weekend together, but that might have been called "our" weekend though, so just wondered if there was something other special with that weekend?

 

 

//C.E.

[Considerate Empath]

Our medical insurance helped but not alot. A few years back they finally came up with a name for what my mom has, saying that it is rare and that only a handful of people in the world have it. They then went on to tell her that there was indeed, nothing they could do to save her, that eventually she would lose all feeling in her body and it would feel like her legs and arms.

 

My uncle had very similar symptoms, if not the exact same, sorry to say. Not sure if the pain was the same though, but the dumbness was. Only it started in his hands, going up to his upper arms, then feets and up until he was dumb everywhere. He died though eventually but that's beside the point of this reply to that quote. I was just wondering if you knew how the disease name started? I think his was something like Ad- something, and pretty sure that was very rare too. Been trying to find it on the net, but as I don't have the name, I was just wondering if you might help me with that? All I know is that it started with an A, so if the disease you're talking about don't, then no need to reply

 

Sorry to hear about your mom by the way...

 

 

//C.E.

[singingwolf]

Thank you everyone, for the replies. It's helps to know I'm not totally alone here.

 

Butwhybother:

I hope you're right. I want to talk to her about this, but so far she's given no indication of wanting to. I don't want to believe she meant what she said, but I just don't know. If she could just tell me she didn't mean it, I could forgive. I know this is hard for her, too. But if she did mean it... I'm really scared.

 

Raingate:

I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. I see what you mean about things being said when people are stressed, but even at my most stressed I have never said anything so cruel or hurtful to her. I just don't get how she could say and do such things. I hope that we can talk things out, but all day she's been making it clear she's angry and that she thinks she's right and I'm to blame for everything. She doesn't seem to think she's said or done anything wrong, and doesn't seem to be in any hurry to try to work things out.

 

Considerate Empath:

By "her" weekend, I meant only that it's her days off from work. We had nothing special planned. We were planning on going away together next weekend, but I have no idea if that will happen now.

 

Singing Wolf