should i forget this one?

[lara78]

so on friday night i went out with some friends. My friends boyfriend was there with a cute friend. Cute friend and i talked all night, it was obvious we were intersted in each other. at one point he asked if i wanted to go somewhere else. We left. We walked around a bit, i was in search of a bathroom. He stopped me and told me that he'd really like to take me on a date sometime, i said sure. He had taken a cab into the city so i ended up driving him home. I ended up going in his place...i ended up staying over. We did not have sex, just cuddled/kissed. I just felt comfortable with him, but i do realize that i should have just left and should not have stayed. The next day we talked a lot about all sorts of things. Some of questions were quite forward like, when was my last relationship, what was my longest, how many people have i said i love you too...but he seemed to be interested in me so i figured that was why he was asking those things. We got to know quite a bit about each other i suppose. I stayed until 2pm. We just cuddled, talked, made out, etc. He made several references to us hanging out again, said he felt that we'd hit it off, i agreed and said i'd like to go out again too. He even said that we could go out and do something that afternoon. problem was i was wearing the clothes i had on the night before, it was rainy out, blah blah.

 

The part where it got tricky was when he picked up my phoen and dialed his phone number. He then said, ok now you have my # so you can give me a call. I didnt really want to be the one to call first...and i said so. he said he didnt see the big deal and was i not interested enough to call him. I said i was, but i dont like to be the one to call first, what if he didnt really want to talk to me etc. So he calls my phone right there and leaves me a message saying, hi lara, i'm calling you, now it's your turn to call me back. I was just like, ok i'll call you then. I know this seems silly, esp since i'd spent the night, but i guess i just prefer the guy to call. Maybe i made a big deal, but he also easily could have just said, ok i'll call you, he seemed to not want the ball in his court. So we basically said we'd hang out again, but did not make plans then and there. I left and basically said talk to you soon.

 

this was saturday, i woke up on sunday and saw that i had a text message from him. It said, i guess you were too good to come over last night. I assumed he was kidding, but it was sent at 6:30 am. I went back to sleep and about 4 hours later i texted back, should i have just showed up at your door? He wrote back, well at least called, haha. so this confused me...i ended up calling him that night...not sure if i called too soon? We talked for about a half hour, he mentioned nothing about us going out though. At one point he did ask what i had going on this week in the evenings. I said, nothing, then i felt a bit nervous and rambled on that i dont really go out during the week. He didnt say anything else about it. He ended the phone conversation saying he was going to get back to some reading. We hung up, he said nothing about calling me this week or making plans. I must admit i was a bit put off. Yeah i know i could have said something about plans as well...but i felt that since i had called, it was showing that i was interested ya know? It just annoyed me that all day saturday he kept saying that he wanted to get togehter again...then when he had the chance to show me further interest (aside from talking) he didnt

 

Am i reading into things? Should i give him until maybe thursday of this week to call me? I dont know that i feel comfortable calling him again to ask him out...things were fun when we hung out...but i feel like they got weird as far as the calling went...any thoughts?

[friscodj]

While what you wrote seems a little strange, everyone has their "ways" of doing things. You don't know this guy at all. Heck he might be thinking the same things about you! You told him you didn't go out during the week, maybe he took that as disinterest?

 

Lots of possibilities here. You guys just met. I'd give it until Friday. If he hasn't called and asked you out for this weekend by then, either he isn't interested or he is interested just enough to keep you on the backburner...a place you don't want to be...

[flower99]

Well I don't think you should completely forget him yet.

 

The fact that he texted you after 'the ball was in your court' hopeing you would call, says he's pretty interested in my opinion

I know you prefer to be persued, I do as well, but if he's worth it to you I'd give him a call & hook up. After that leave it to him....or keep waiting....tough call

[lara78]

so do you think i should call again, or wait for him? I'm confused...agh.

[Iceman26]

Is it just me, or do most guys not have the balls to make a move anymore?

 

I read more and more about guys wanting the girl to call them, or instead of the guys calling to initiate a first date, they send a fricking cowardly text message.

 

What would I do? Exchange numbers, and whomever calls first, calls first. People make this into an issue when it doesn't need to be.

[Iceman26]

Let him make the move. If he digs you, than he will call. I understand you not being comfortable with it. I wouldn't feel comfortable calling him either after the last conversation you two had.

[novaseeker]

I wouldn't do something you aren't comfortable doing.

 

To be honest, it sounds to me like he has different "rules of engagement" than you do. That seems to have been the point of making such a big deal at the beginning about who calls whom. Perhaps he doesn't want to be the one exposed to the possibility of rejection, or the one who has the responsibility to plan and arrange things and do the asking, etc., but for whatever reason he doesn't seem to want that. And you, on the other hand, don't want that either. So I think there is a conflict there. You could go against your basic preferences and be the initiator in the relationship, but beware about that ... if you set a pattern of being the initiator now, and it isn't something you are generally comfortable with, it may very well continue to be his expectation going forward that you are the initiator ... and form a pattern to your relationship with him.

 

So I suppose I would say do not call him if you feel uncomfortable about it or you do not want that to be a pattern in your relationship.

[lara78]

i think it's pretty customary that if you call someone, it's then the next person that received the call's turn to call back...and that really is how it seems to be with dating. Otherwise the datee is often referred to as looking desperate, stalkerish and all types of not nice names...so this is why i dont feel comfortable calling again. Yes the conversation was weird. Perhaps he thought i'd ask him out? i was thinking that MAYBE I would send a text message on thursday if i havent heard from him just to say, how is your week going, anything good up for the weekend? I figure he texted me so it shouldnt be unheard of to him.

[flower99]

I think you should Do what you are comfortable doing.

I agree with iceman26 that people make it more of an issue than it needs to be. i don't think there is a rule as to how long to wait. Just the issue of what you WANT or don't want to do.

Call if you want to see him and feel comfortalbe to (I'm sure he would welcome it)

But DONT if you aren't comfortable & want him to make that move. (which I think is where you are & the best choice for you)

[lara78]

yeah i mean if a guy is interested...they will call. I could understand if i seemed uninterested...but i called. In terms of me saying i dont go out much during the week, i didnt mean i never do...plus he coudl have always said (if he was getting at asking me out) how about the weekend?

[friscodj]

It's important to listen to your intuition about this through the hope you have for this situation working out.

 

If you get the feeling that you are putting more effort into this than he is, you are probably right. If you get the feeling something isn't right, it probably isn't. If this starts driving you nuts, it's time to walk...

[lara78]

so he called last night...we ended up talking for an hour, had a good conversation. I posted on another board and everyone is adamant that he likely just looking to hook up with me and wont take me on a proper date, etc. honestly i didnt get that impression. This is kind of a tough weekend to get together since it's the 4th, he might be going away, i might be going away, but he said he'd like to get together. we havent set a date yet, but we've been e-mailing back and forth today. So i feel better about things. I'll just see what happens i guess.

[friscodj]

honestly i didnt get that impression.

 

Well I think you should trust yourself. No one else was there, they (we) are only getting the info secondhand.

 

Yes, holidays are tough for dating, especially early dates (first and second dates). So go out and BBQ, shoot some fireworks off with your friends, laugh it up, and don't worry about this situation with this dude!

 

I sense you are getting a bit too wrapped up in this too soon. Keep telling yourself there are plenty of other guys out there should this relationship not work out and that you have a life to live outside if this situation.

[lara78]

yeah i do tend to just be this way...once i meet someone i have interest i have no desire to meet anyone else. Sometimes meeting one person is hard enough.

 

Ahh so now i'm happy that he called and that we're e-mail, but the real question is when the heck are we going out? boy oh boy...