How long to wait

[ShroomzGod]

This girl I know just broke up with her Boyfriend. He broke it off with her as far as I know. It had to be resently because she blogged it only yesterday that she respects his wishes to single, blah blah blah. She also left a comment on my myspace which she has never done before. We really weren't friends just had some common friends. Nevertheless, I always found her attractive but she had a Boyfriend. At this point I know I'm not in the friendzone and no one knows I'm attracted to her.

 

My question is how long should I wait to ask her out since she just broke up with her BF? I don't want to be a rebound.

[Allie.]

ooo. thats a tough one. Hmm. well, honestly, different people heal at different rates. and for some...the healing is faster than others. It seems like if she blogged on myspace about how "she respects his wishes to be single"..etc...that she still likes him.

 

I get the impression that she wants to maybe wait for him and respect him till he's ready to be in a relationship.

 

Another thing to question is how much do you know about the break-up? Like, maybe...he said something to her like, "You're probably the girl i would want to be in a relationship with, if ever...but I need to be single right now." If my boyfriend said that to me, I would definitely respect his wishes to be single but WAIT for him. You know?

 

I suggest inquiring more about the break-up and maybe the girl just needs nice soft shoulders to cry on and maybe you're the dude around =D so the quickest way to a girl's heart is...well, maybe...just be her friend right now..cuz if i was put in a place like that...i would definitely need a good friend...hmm?

 

Keep me updated bro.

Allie.

[ShroomzGod]

ah, here's the thing. I really wouldn't say I'm her friend, just an aquantince (sp?). I have no clue about the break up but, I can find out. It was odd she commented on my My Space she has never done that out of the blue before. It sounds like she will be waiting, at least from the blog. The blog was basically for her ex. She said I won't always be here, but for now it sounds like she's waiting.

[Considerate Empath]

I think 1-5 weeks should be normal... Depends on how long they've been together.

 

Also agree with what Shroomz said. Try and find out more about the break-up before you act; It might just be a normal break-up, but you know... it might not.

 

 

//C.E.

[Allie.]

Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure I know what's going on here because I have done this before. [what the girl is doing]

 

Why is the girl doing this?

[i'm listing them in order from most likely reasons she's talking to you to least likely]

 

a) I can bet that she probably posted on your myspace [and some other guys' myspace] because she wanted you guys to comment her back so that her ex boyfriend could see that there are "other guys" interested. [u should check up on how many guys she posted random comments to the same day she posted one on yours]

 

b) When someone breaks up with us, it makes a valley-drop in self-esteem. Maybe she's commenting mostly everybody on her friends list because she needs to remind herself that she has many "friends" or people that care about her.

 

b) Maybe she is suffering from the oh-boy-awful symptoms of love addiction. So she's rebounding off to several guys and getting the guys to give her compliments..advice...etc. Girls obviously can't satisfy that need because she broke up with her BOYfriend. haha.

 

c) Well, after such a traumatic event, she probably needs someone to talk to about and maybe after being in a realtionship with that boy for so long, her best-friends probably became her second priority and now she's looking for a friend and maybe she wants to be your friend. [i think this is very unlikely considering you guys are just acquaintancs]

 

d) She thinks you're cute and heard from some other ppl that you thought she was hot and she wants to spark of something. [this i think is VERY unlikely because she just broke up with her boyfriend...etc..]

 

I think that you just need to

a) stay away from her if you get more attracted to her which could lead to a further heart-break for YOU because she's still HEALING. and it'll take her a while..from what it seems.

b) just be a friend. REMIND yourself that she's probably rebounding...etc...most girls do that. =D haha.

c) ask her straight out if she likes you or not.

 

G'luck.

 

Allie.

[Allie.]

Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure I know what's going on here because I have done this before. [what the girl is doing]

 

Why is the girl doing this?

[i'm listing them in order from most likely reasons she's talking to you to least likely]

 

a) I can bet that she probably posted on your myspace [and some other guys' myspace] because she wanted you guys to comment her back so that her ex boyfriend could see that there are "other guys" interested. [u should check up on how many guys she posted random comments to the same day she posted one on yours]

 

b) When someone breaks up with us, it makes a valley-drop in self-esteem. Maybe she's commenting mostly everybody on her friends list because she needs to remind herself that she has many "friends" or people that care about her.

 

b) Maybe she is suffering from the oh-boy-awful symptoms of love addiction. So she's rebounding off to several guys and getting the guys to give her compliments..advice...etc. Girls obviously can't satisfy that need because she broke up with her BOYfriend. haha.

 

c) Well, after such a traumatic event, she probably needs someone to talk to about and maybe after being in a realtionship with that boy for so long, her best-friends probably became her second priority and now she's looking for a friend and maybe she wants to be your friend. [i think this is very unlikely considering you guys are just acquaintancs]

 

d) She thinks you're cute and heard from some other ppl that you thought she was hot and she wants to spark of something. [this i think is VERY unlikely because she just broke up with her boyfriend...etc..]

 

I think that you just need to

a) stay away from her if you get more attracted to her which could lead to a further heart-break for YOU because she's still HEALING. and it'll take her a while..from what it seems.

b) just be a friend. REMIND yourself that she's probably rebounding...etc...most girls do that. =D haha.

c) ask her straight out if she likes you or not.

 

G'luck.

 

Allie.

[ShroomzGod]

I can rule out a- I looked and I'm the only guy see commented on, i feel like a staker.

 

b,b, and c are strong possibilities

 

I'm hopin for d

 

 

a isn't a problem I don't get one-itis, there can only be heart break if you care, it takes me time to care. I'm just attracted to her.

 

b is most likely what I'll do

 

c should be done in a few weeks.

[Allie.]

good good. looks like you got it all sorted out. now just go thru with the plan and keep me updated =D

 

g'luck.

Allie.

[heloladies21]

Dude, get in there and do this before some other playboy jumps on her and takes her back off the market. She's single and that means a green light for you.

 

As for the rebound thing, this is something I've wrestled with for a good amount of time about how to deal with it, but the more I think things through most of the girls you meet will be coming with some type of baggage and lots of these rebound relationships turn out to be the real deal, so don't let any of that dissuade you. Just understand that it's another hurdle to get over.

 

Ultimately it's up to you to get her to forget him. If you make the right moves and do the right things, you can make the "other guy" a distant memory in a short period of time. She eventually would have to understand that your time is important and you don't want it wasted so she better get over it or she's going to miss out on a great thing with you. Get things going first, but you don't want to wait too long to get this impression over to her otherwise this will be a chronic problem.

[ShroomzGod]

My guy. It's good to hear from you. Even before your advise I did what you suggested. I was there, and not in the "I feel sorry for you way." I was funny and made her laugh and all that good stuff. I DID NOT TALK ABOUT THE EX AT ALL. (she didn't even bring it up to me) I let all the other guys that were there comfort her. I, on the other hand, talked to her like I was the * * * *. I believe that I should give it a couple of days, but still I think I did a good job of making her forget. I think she might be into me so I think that's a good thing. (as the Blink 182 song goes, "she laughs at my dumb jokes when no one does.") Like I said I'll give it awhile and...well... you know what I'll do.

 

BTW I went bowling with her and her friends tonight. That's how I made my impression. By now you know me I played it like I should.

 

PS: Like the Avatar I think it fits...

[need2bme]

As for the rebound thing, this is something I've wrestled with for a good amount of time about how to deal with it, but the more I think things through most of the girls you meet will be coming with some type of baggage and lots of these rebound relationships turn out to be the real deal, so don't let any of that dissuade you. Just understand that it's another hurdle to get over.

 

Sometimes it may be too hard of a hurdle to get over. I know I have brought red flags with me, into a new relationship. Sometimes people think that the new guy/girl will be the same as the old one.

[heloladies21]

Where you at brotha? What's going on with this situation? You been in touch with her lately? I wish I coulda been there with you and then I would've wing-man for you with that chick's friends. We would tear it up for sure.

 

That avatar is tight. I gotta go get a new one for myself now!

[ShroomzGod]

Where you at brotha? What's going on with this situation? You been in touch with her lately? I wish I coulda been there with you and then I would've wing-man for you with that chick's friends. We would tear it up for sure.

 

That avatar is tight. I gotta go get a new one for myself now!

 

I'm playing this one slow. They go bowling every Monday so there's no problem for me to get into the group. She is totally heartbroken, but, like I said I made her laugh and hopefuly forget her situation. The only problem I see is that one of her friends is into me and I don't feel the same, I could have but she totally smothered me. I mentioned how I love to sing karaoke and she seemed impressed. Like I said though from how I see the situation I figure playing it slow is the best way to go.

 

Dude it was so funny all the guys that were so obviously into her were there being all sympathetic and not playing the right game. I may see her at school or like I said at bowling Monday. The break up is fresh so I gotta give time.

 

PS: We would totally tear it up, there's a party this weekend I wish you could be there.