Should I keep doing this?

[LovinIt]

I previously posted a few days ago, about "cheating" on my man...however, many of you saw the situation and didnt techically call it cheating since my man would not commit to me. Well, after the night I had sex with another one of our co workers, I broke up with him.

 

It seems as if he doesnt take it seriously really. Nothing changes, except I told him I need more and if he isnt willing then he isnt the person for me. I care about him, and he;s my best friend, and it's hard not to just call him and shoot the * * * *, but he takes that as me not really being serious about breaking up.

 

The screwed up thing is that I can't get this co worker out of my head. Last night when my man was spending the night all i could think about was how i wished it was this other guy. The night after hooking up with this co worker we worked together, and a bunch of other co workers were going to his house to hang out after work....we work at a bar..but he didn't invite me, which bothered me. Could it be that he is trying to watch out for himself and I by not making it look like we are doing anything??? I all of a sudden feel so enticed by him, and no longer by my man....what happened??? I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this guy...and all of a sudden I find myself really not affected....

 

I just want to be physical with this other man. Since other people were going over to his house..and my man was working that night as well.....did the co worker just not want to be obvious about what is going on...I feel almost a little put off...should i be??? Am i just being ridiculous with this whole thing? Whats my problem....any advice???? I dont want this other guy thinking I am breaking up with my man for him...but I definitely am intrested in being more physical with him. Please, advice!

[yeawutever]

I think it's the fact that you are looking for what you would want if your man were to commit with you. Since he told you he doesn't want anything serious with you, you felt free to explore elsewhere and see if you like it, which I don't think you did anything worng since it's not a commited relation. You did good in cutting looses with him, what was the point if there was no actually direction.

Since the other man works with you this may be an annoyance so I would say keep your distance from him. Like if he greets you, then greet him back but leave it as that. How about going single for now and if you were to date again, make sure the guy is interest in a relation.

[LovinIt]

I think I have issues with being lonely...I can forget about someone else as long as I have someone else in the picture and it's deifnitely not healthy. I am looking for excitement...something to look forward to. If I dont have anything then I feel alone...and I hate that. How do you even go about fixing that.

[yeawutever]

Yea, I can see where you're coming, no one wants to end lonely and miserable. And since you definitely don't want to happen, you explore whta's out there. As long as you're not commited it's not a problem to date around, but if you're gonna do that make sure to use protection, you never know the surprises it can land you in.

[InaneCathode]

I think it's kinda sick you cheated on him to get back at him for not 'comitting' to you. You probably hurt his feelings, and thats never really that nice

 

Also something i noticed:

You think its not cheating because he hadnt 'comitted' to you

Yet you call him "my man" as if you own him?

Weird...

 

Also, comitting is in quotes because it's an individualized and qualitative thing. One persons comitting is another persons one night stand, or vice versa

[yeawutever]

I think it's kinda sick you cheated on him to get back at him for not comitting to you. You probably hurt his feelings, and thats never really that nice

 

How do you call it cheating when he stated clearly he doens't want anything serious and they're not g/f and b/f, thus it's not a commited, but just a casual, dating type relation.

 

[InaneCathode]

Its the thought behind what she did, examine this carefully:

I previously posted a few days ago, about "cheating" on my man...however, many of you saw the situation and didnt techically call it cheating since my man would not commit to me. Well, after the night I had sex with another one of our co workers, I broke up with him.

Now, let me address this with an easy to write, and easy to read list:

 

1) Cheating is in quotes, if she hadnt thought she'd done anything wrong, i assume she would have just said what she had done, instead of delegating a word to that action that has negetive connotations

 

2) "however, many of you saw the situation" Not as significant, but qualifying the previous statement with a sort of "see, you guys said it was ok" implies to me a sense of guilt

 

3) "technically" the use of this word is also suspicious. The reason being, she could not have said "you guys didnt call it cheating" because nobody said that, however she feels she can still say that IF and only if she inserts the word "technically". Now, she could have just said what everyone had said but again she feels like she must simplify it to her favor.

 

4)"since my man would not commit to me" Exagerating and repeating reasons why it's ok she did what she did in my eyes tells me that she did, and thinks she actually did something wrong. If you broke a mirror on accident, you'd say "i broke a mirror" because in your mind you truly are not guilty. The virtue of innocence saves you in your mind in this case. If you threw a rock at a mirror, and told people it was on accident more often than not people will excessively rationalize what they did. Ie: "I broke the mirror on accident because i slipped and fell into it, it was a really ugly mirror anyway and the floor right there is so slippery" yes, i know this isnt a perfect analogy but you get what i mean.

 

5) "I broke up with him" if she thought he hadnt commited to her, why does she say she broke up with him? When two people are dating, its called dating if they BOTH agree to it, not when just one agrees to it. If they WERENT dating how could they, in her words, "break up?"

 

This by nature implies that she, at least, thought that they were dating, and the statement that she really wasnt cheating is in contradiction with this last statement and countless others throuought the post. She new she was cheating, and she did it anyway.

 

"Well, after the night I had sex with another one of our co workers, I broke up with him."

This part is key in my opinion. She cheated on "her man" THEN she broke up with him. She cheated first, then dumped him. Couldnt she, very easily, break up with him, then have sex with the coworker? I think she could have, and didnt because she wanted to make it sting for him.

 

Again: She cheated on him to hurt his feelings, and that is sick.

 

PS: Perhaps sick is a bit of a strong word, but what she did is wrong, and contrary to humane behavior towards another human being. That, is by definition, sick.

[LovinIt]

That was a very thought out response. I have many things to say to it...and i suppose i did contradict myself a little didn't I. Him and I were dating, however, after 6 months of trying to get him to committ and come out with the fact we were boyfriend girlfriend he was not into. I subconsciously went over to a co workers house, knowing something might in fact happen, but was surprised of my actions. I do call it cheating, and IF i had told my man, he would have considered it cheating too. He, however, does not consider me his girlfriend, so how is that fair to me? I did not sting him, and I would not tell him, strictly because it would hurt him, so I did what I could do at the least, and that was to break up with him, which I think is far better than continuing on. If anything, I needed that to realize that maybe this guy is not what i thought he was. He claims we arent serious, yet we go away to Mexico for long weekends, and are not allowed to date other people. To me that is serious, and the fact he can't explain this to other people is an issue, especially when he is hiding it from an ex girlfriend. I don't believe myself to be sick, but a woman who is confused with a relationship I thought I could not live without.

[InaneCathode]

Well, I'm not trying to be harsh. I didnt mean that you are sick, but what you did was. It's ok though, you recognize what you did and you learned from it. The guy you're dating sounds like an oaf to be quite honest, he wants all the benefits of dating without the dating part. The only person he's fooling is himself and hes making it hard for everyone.

[aaspaas]

hey lovingit, am just like u..I can forget the person who loves me until I have sum1 else in view, as you said..itz bad, very bad..I duno how to get rid of that..I broke up wid my bf, bekoz I started to hav feelings for one of the employees where I work..and we went out, fooled around..now he ditched me, and am feelin lonely, but yet, I know my bf is stil in touch wid me..but as soon as he'll no that I cheated on him, he'll leave me