he dnt trust me

[swapnaly]

i dont know whether i m wrong or he is, i am too confused,

i love him but he is too much dominating,

i dont want to leave him, he spsuspect me too much, he knows about my past relationship which was there for 3 months only.i only told him but from friends he came to know about certain things which i hadnot told him, but my itention was not to hide it, but he doent think that

Now whnever we fight he points out all that things,

i dnt want to hurt him but he doesnt allow me to make friends to take my own decisions as he thinks i cant take it , and as i was not successful in my earlier relation .

i feel too alone i cant express my feelings to him nor to any1 else.

 

i cant leave him. i dont want to leave him as i love him n he also loves me n cares for me. may be the problem is difference between views, morals, but i dnt know how to resolve it,,

[sonjam]

He sounds like he could be a typical abusive (emotionally) partner. Not letting you make your own friends, and shooting you down all the time. Y0u say you love him, on what is that love based? The fact that you think you can do no better than him?

[Skippy]

Trust is so hard to build and so easy to lose. Sometimes you dont even know that you have lost it.

When trust is lost, you have to remember that you are back to less then Zero. You are going to have to put up with all the insecurities, the untrusting questions (that never been asked except at the starting of a relationship) the frustration. Basically everything that has something to do with trust is going to be put into question.

Who said that because he has lost trust in you that it is only his problem? Both of you have to make the decisions to build that trust again from scratch. Which means that he has to put the effort to trust you again, and you will have to put in the effort to build that trust which means answering to where you are and with whom you are with.

 

About you making friends. The thing is, if you go out with friends, my advice is to come back to him and tell him everything. Keep doing that till he get tired of it, and when he tires of it he basically trust you in that area. Dont leave out things, dont censor, tell him everything. Yes it is like reporting to someone, but that is just it. You have to do this crap.

 

Basically, keep him up to date about everything. Gossip to him. whatever. Just keep ihim in the loop at all times.

 

Yes it can become a control thing after a while. That is why you give it a time limit.

 

Gaining trust back is awfully hard. It can feel you just have to keep proving yourself.

 

That is why most people just give up.

 

As for abuse, No one has the right to verbally or physically abuse you. Point it out that you did do something wrong nd you are willing to put in the effort to build the relations again, but that doesnt mean that he can abuse you.

 

Good luck. As i say again, keep himin the loop at all times. He is not some much controlling you but want you to tell hi everything and not miss out anything.

[swapnaly]

we again fought n it was worst this time,, he spoke to parents, thinking that they will understand his position, his pain , but afterall they are my parents they r thinking for me, they also think this guy is dominating and wont accept his mistakes, he'll just blame me .n my life will be hell after marriage.

now my parent dont want me to be with him, now he is alone, we ve broken up but he keeps on sending messages,

i dont want to break off with him but i dnt no how to deal with him,i m not in contact with him,no call,no sms i m not replying to any of his msg but i want to, i want to c him,i want be with him,

will he change, shall i giv him 1 chance,i dnt want want break-off. please help me

[sonjam]

PLEASE DON'T CONTACT HIM!! Whatever you do, however much you want to, break contact for awhile. It is so important that you realise there is a BETTER life out there, just waiting for you, he is not good for you, he is manipulative and abusive. I know you want him, we always want the things that are bad for us, please listen to your parents, and stay away from him!!! It really is for the best. Don't give him another chance, he's had enough chances, he's not going to change, he's going to ruin your life!