New Invention: Stop Thinking Card (STC)

[JohnnyTable]

Today's latest invention. I caught myself feeling good and not constantly thinking about the ex. So I figured out why and wrote it down on a note card. When I start to think about the ex again, I can refer to this card giving me good reasons not to. My card says:

 

-You know why it happened

 

-You know that you won't go back

 

-You know that you won't contact

 

-You know that you will handle it if she contacts

 

This eliminates a lot of the thought that I have. Why do I need to keep rehashing in my mind why it ended? I already know that to the best of my knowledge. I know that I won't go back, so why have all of the "what if" questions floating around? I know that I won't contact her, because there is no good reason to do so anytime in the near future. I also know that if she does contact me, I'll handle it no matter what happens. I don't need to obsess over "what if's" there either. I simply need to know that I will be okay, which I will be.

 

Turns out that thinking about myself is more fun than thinking about the ex, but it won't fit on the card

 

Hopefully it will work for awhile.

[Hyperia81]

I love it

Serves as an instant reminder to just move on.

Maybe even adding extra information like quoting something she said that

really made you wanna call it quits would be effective aswell.

[JohnnyTable]

I thought about this. However, I don't even want to go beyond the thinking that I know why it is over. I've already hashed that in my brain like 50 million times. Another 50 million is not going to make me feel any better.

 

Perhaps some reminders on the back would help if I start to question my card. But so far, I trust the card.

[Haven]

I really like that idea! I think I will make a card that will help for whenever I start having low self-esteem thoughts. Thanks for sharing

[JohnnyTable]

I'm starting to equate these things with checking ones bank balance 50 times a day to make sure that the money is still there. Then checking the history to see how the money got there. Then worrying about where the money might go if it is spent. Then wondering what I could have done differently to make more money there.

 

Silly!

 

Just check the balance and be done with it. You don't need to constantly check. Just as you don't need to constantly "check why we broke up" by thinking about it in your mind and justifying it to yourself somehow.

 

Knowing that you won't go back eliminates a lot of the thinking about the exes future, since it becomes irrelevant. Why should I care about the future of somebody that I will not have in my life?

 

Knowing that you won't contact means that you don't need to think about doing it. You don't need to "wait around for 30 days and then contact." You simply know that you aren't going to do it, so you don't. It's not a manipulation of the other person, rather it is just something that I'm not going to do. Just as I know that I'm not going to get a tattoo, so I don't worry about it. I'm not going to shoot drugs, so I don't worry about it. I'm not going to contact my ex, so I don't worry about it.

 

And finally, knowing that I can handle it if she contacts me is a big one. I don't need to obsess over why she might contact. What I will do if she contacts. How I will feel if she contacts. The simple fact is that she will contact for whatever reason she wants to. I will feel the way that I do if she does, and I will do what I need to do if she does. Planning beyond that is pretty much a waste of time, especially since any "plan" that I make now would totally change 6 months down the road if something happened. thereforeee I might as well just wait until then. (I do know that I will not answer the phone, in order to give me time to figure out how I want to proceed)

[annie24]

I think it's a good idea.

 

My therapist also told me to chose some kind of object or idea to focus on to remind myself of my lessons and growth. I chose a piece of art that is something similar to that in her office, so everytime I think of it, I think of progress.

 

I think your card is a great idea! helps "anchor" you back to where you are supposed to be.