How to talk about this with him

[VeganBohemian]

My boyfriend and I go to the same college. He lives down the street from the school, so during school I see him all the time since I live here too. Anyway, I ended up taking summer courses since I am a double major...and am living on campus until July 5th. In a way, I took the classes because I didn't want to be apart from him. I live about 1.5 to 2 hours away from him.

 

Anyway, he starts his new job as a kid's day camp counselor on June 23rd and will be working 5 days a week until school starts I guess. He is very excited about it and I am sooo happy for him.

 

But, from July 5th to September, I will barely see him. I will have a job too. Mine won't be fun or exciting. I have no brothers and sisters and I don't get along too well with my parents. I know me and I will end up spending the entire 8 weeks pining away for him...I love him. He is the greatest.

 

Anyway...I don't know how to tell him that I will miss him terribly since I don't want to make him feel bad about his job. At first, I thought he wouldn't have a job and on my days off, I could just come see him whenever I felt like it. That is not feasible and I don't want him to have to deal with feeling bad about his awesome job.

 

He hasn't mentioned yet how we are going to be apart. He hasn't said he is going to come visit me. Our relationship is beyond spectacular. It is strong...we are approaching our one year this September. He shows me all the love and affection in the world. I just...I want him to be worried about this too. I want him to miss me! I also would like us to work out some kind of schedule for seeing each other during this time apart...that way I will feel a bit better about it.

 

He knows I am neurotic and have anxiety. He, however, feels very secure about our relationship, so he is not worried about this time apart. I just don't want to tell him how much I am thinking about it...how much I am going to miss him...how I feel depressed about this...because I want him to fully enjoy his new job. What should I do? Keep my whiny yap shut?

[Tigris]

For the time being I wouldn't say anything to him because there is no need to. Just let him enjoy his job until the two of you have to deal with this situation otherwise you are going to spoil his success.

 

I'm sure that things will be ok whilst he's working and you're at school. Use this as a stepping stone. This period of time will help you to progress to feeling a little more secure. You need this sort of test so that eventually you can overcome your insecure nature.

 

Look at it this way, at least it didn't happen both at the same time that would've been a shock to your system.

 

Just take each day at a time. Also think it's one day closer to the two of you being back together. You've got to start looking at the positive side of things not the negative like you've been doing previously.

 

Good luck and take care.

[VeganBohemian]

I won't be at school...I'll be at home...2 hours away. I'm at school now lol. I wish I could stay here. It wouldn't be an issue if I wasn't going to be so far away.

[JJRadical]

He who cares least in a relationship wields the power...

[Tigris]

Couldn't you get a part time job near to where he works?

[VeganBohemian]

I have to live at home...

[newzealand]

Hi,

 

I had (have) a similar situation, where I was thinking a lot about how it would be to be apart from each other for 7 weeks, and my partner didn't seem to be that worried about it.

 

Well, I've learned that people just have different views on it and different ways of handling it. I've learned that some people prefer to not think about it a lot, and to minimize contact to make the separation period easier.

 

This used to worry me, like it does you, because I do like to keep in touch a lot. But then in the middle of our 7 week period, I decided on impulse to go see her. I've spent quite a lot of money on a flight, even though I could only go to her for a few days. But I have to say, it was worth every penny if not more.

 

It made me realize she did care a lot, but that it was just easier for her to handle this way and that she just didn't show it that well over the phone/email. Anyway, she was very excited of my coming and we had a great time. After that, I felt much more comfortable (still do) and the remaining time is much easier to cope with.

 

Maybe an idea for you? Drop by for a long weekend, it will split the 8 weeks in half. It will do you both good

 

And in the mean time, I wouldn't worry about it too much. He will miss you too, even though he is excited about the job.

 

For your own feelings of anxiety, I would suggest trying to force your mind into more positive thoughts. What I have found with myself, is that like you, I kept on thinking about it, and kept associating it with bad feelings and I felt miserable about it.

 

What I would do, is just tell myself that it was nonsense to feel like this. I would replace the negative thoughts by good ones, just through simple reasoning. For example, I would tell myself she does miss me, she loves me, everything is alright, so I should be happy! I will see her soon, in a few weeks, time will fly by!

 

That really helped me too. I would really suggest you give it a try. I wouldn't call it meditation, but it does help

 

Good luck.

[VeganBohemian]

I kinda talked to him about it tonight and he said it is only going to be for 36 days...which is so not a lot! I thought it was 8 weeks. He said he will miss me and that he wants me to visit any time I feel like it. I mentioned it casually while we were fooling around. I will stop worry so much about it. He planned a birthday surprise for me in August anyway, so I am sure to see him.

[VeganBohemian]

Tomorrow we are going out to get him little sports shorts to wear at his job. I am happy for him...I will chill. I will see him when we both have off anyway.