He just called me a "great girl"....

[hurtingrl]

Could it be any harsher? He wrote me an e-mail and said how he needed time to himself to truly see if he can move on without me.....

 

but the killer line is "You are great girl, but sometimes things do not work out they we want them to."

 

 

Full paragraph

 

"Regardless of the way this is going, I still want to be apart of your life. We have gone through so much together. Cutting our losses is not the way to go. Let continue this friendship and keep in touch. You are great girl, but sometimes things do not work out they we want them to."

 

I just need to vent....after everything calling me a "Great girl" has to be one of the worst things someone can say.

 

It goes along with the it's not you it's me, I need space, I love you but not in love statement.....

 

So upsetting....

[annie24]

blah. I vote no.

 

my ex also wanted to be friends and "be a part of my life." I don't know what that means - we would exchange christmas cards?

 

I'd go strict NC from now on.....

 

good luck

[LillieBelle]

You are right. That sucks. Write him back and say he's a cool guy and you'll have to get together soon. blah balh blah

[hurtingrl]

No i agree with you guys. I wasn't his friend before I met him so I'm just not sure how that would work....

 

Of course I want him back but NC is the way to go...I don't even think I would really run into him unless at a random bar or something in the future.

 

I have been through too many heartbreaks to fall for it.

 

It just hurts so much that a week ago he was "in it for the long run" and now it's "I am a great girl but".....

 

Basically we broke up over an e-mail thread and I asked him if we could talk in person to make sure that we really meant everything that was said...and this was his response.

 

The problem is that he is going on a trip and will be back in two weeks and he said he will call me when he is back and "take it from there". He said he would really like to talk to me in person as well to "discuss the direction of this" but he needs the two weeks to gather his thoughts and "hopefully communicate them clearly".....I don't know, sounds like he has already communicated his thoughts loud and clear.....

 

do you think he would change them and reconsider me after 2 weeks or are these just two weeks of torture for him to say the exact same things in person?

 

I hope these two weeks fly by just to get them over with. I don't know, it's been two days since the e-mail break up and seems like an eternity....

[annie24]

how long have you two been dating?

 

and he broke up with you by e-mail?????

 

ugggg.... gross. forget him. he is a bonehead. yuck. breaking up by e-mail is not acceptable for anyone over the age of 13!

[hurtingrl]

we have been dating since october but it has been a very short "long-term" relationship.

 

But I have had another relationship for 3 years and went through all of the same stages as this one. Falling in love, meeting the family on both sides, getting out of the honeymoon stage, talking about our future, working through issues, etc

 

Yes the break-up was over e-mail but we have been having problems for a while so I guess maybe this was his "last straw". Really my fault I think but now I would do anything to get him back....

 

I have another post that explains the story in this same "break-up" board if you want the details.

[annie24]

honestly, I would do no contact. it sounds like things are dead and over, no need to wait for him to come back from vacation to get your heart broken even more.....

[hurtingrl]

thanks....will keep you posted after he comes back to give you the updates. but in the meantime, NC day 1! hopefully I'll make enough progress to not even care if he calls in two weeks (haha wishful thinking)

 

the good news is this time last year I made all the classic mistakes so at least I've learned from my own smarts that the begging calls/crying/etc does not work.

 

Man how many times do we need to get our hearts broken before we be strong enough to get through break-ups?

[hurtingrl]

ugh, "we be" .....

 

"we are" I meant

[annie24]

honestly, I wouldn't even wait for him to start giving you "updates." I would just write back a short and classy e-mail like, "thanks for being honest with your feelings. I don't think that there is anything more to discuss. I am not the one for you, you are not the one for me, let's just leave things at that. good luck."

[hurtingrl]

Thanks Annie, I just need to let go of the in-person thing because that is why I asked to meet with him in the first place. I hate the fact that we had so much and it ends with e-mail. But at the same time I know I am letting him have control if he calls when he feels like meeting in person.

 

I just want to let him know that I realized my contribution to our problems and will work on them for me and wherever my future leads me. (with him or not).....I can't do it in an e-mail because it sounds too sappy. I guess he will just never know.... =(

 

Damn technology.

[annie24]

He just called me a "great girl".... Could it be any harsher?

 

yes.... if you let him drag this on any longer.

 

hang in there! it will be ok! *sigh* dating sucks sometimes. it seems like this guy isn't the one for you, and it's best to end things sooner rather than later. it sounds like he told you everything you need to know, even though it wasn't face to face.

 

at least he won't see you cry.

[BillyJean714]

I don't know if you live in the U.S., at least in Cali, pointy shoes are in, and if you had a pair, I would say:

 

"Kick him to the side of the curb in them pointy shoes!!"

 

LoL. Okay, in all seriousness, you don't need to buy into his cheap talk "great girl" crap. That is a load of b.s. If you were such a "Great Girl" he wouldn't let you go, now would he?

 

Talk it cheap. Actions speak louder. What you need to do is to realize ISN'T worth keeping in your life. Have you ever taken bio before? Just think of him as trying to be a "parasite", a living organism that benefits from living off of another living organism, except, the parasite benefits, but its host doesn't.

 

Cheer up. You'll do fine. Just ignore his e-mails. He already hurt you. In fact, what you can do, what's even better is to keep all of the angry, not so happy e-mails that he sent you (if you guys did do a little bickering through the web). Basically, keep reminding yourself all of the times he's hurt you and let you down.

[renaissancewoman101]

I do have a question, what is wrong with having a final hashing out of the relationship when he gets back. Maybe he will have second thoughts about the breakup? I have always had a hard time with people who break up over the phone, email, etc. With me, if someone was to break up with me, I would rather talk it out one last time to see why we broke up. Also, meeting up with someone one last time, you can always portray the image that you are fine with breakup and do a classy walkaway from it. But one last meeting gives you the chance to find out WHY (a bit of closure).

[annie24]

i dunno rw - I guess it depends on what works for you.

 

for me, i just feel like, "ok, it's over. let's move on as fast as possible. I don't want to hurt anymore."

 

I'd rather not know every last reason why a man has decided I'm not the love of his life. because it will just make me overanalyze myself and start hating myself for the size of my hips, or that I was too ... whatever, I don't know... during the relationship.

 

I'd rather just not think about it and forget him.

[hurtingrl]

BillyJean: haha yes I live in Cali.....nah I'm deleting all of the e-mails so I don't have a chance to overanalyze them

 

Renaissance: I agree, but in my case I do know WHY (I am luckier than others). The main reason for my request for in person is to make sure some of the things that were said were not our last impression of each other (some mean stuff).

 

Anyway I just took Annie's advice and wrote him an e-mail telling him that it makes no sense for me to wait 2 weeks to have him elaborate on something that he has already expressed to me loud and clear and that being friends would not be an option. It's kind of cleansing because now I can really start NC today instead of waiting two more weeks to even start it!

[annie24]

wow - someone took my advice! I usually just feel like I'm talking to myself, LOL.

 

Anyways, good for you. it is empowering to take control of the situation back into your own hands.

 

when my ex broke up with me, he also told me he wanted to be my friend. I was thinking, "why should I be friends with a guy who made me cry and basically told me he didn't NEED me in his life anymore?"

 

good luck - you'll be ok! (((HUGS)))

[hurtingrl]

thanks, now off to a good cry and a couple of cigarettes....

[annie24]

((((HUGS))))) it will be alright. breakups suck.

 

now would be a good time to think about all the reasons why you two weren't good together, and how it is good that you don't have to deal with his annoying habits anymore.

 

my boyfriend broke up with me because he said "things didn't feel right." I was sad for a few days, but when I really thought about it, he was right - things DIDN'T feel right for me either, but I was really trying to make the relationship work.

 

Not saying that I don't hurt from time to time, but I guess if you can look at it objectively and know that you two weren't a great match, it may be easier to let go.

[GottaLetItBurn]

I think a key in moving on is learning to really not care if the ex is calling you or texting. It's so hard not to jump when you get a message from the asking "How are you doing?"

 

Breaking up is hard to do.

[Sobo]

blah. I vote no.

 

my ex also wanted to be friends and "be a part of my life." I don't know what that means - we would exchange christmas cards?

 

I'd go strict NC from now on.....

 

good luck

 

See I got the same speil, im a great guy, I did nothing wrong, she just lost the feeling, "fell out of love"

 

you wanna know what helped me, seeing her... yes seeing her, and looking her in the eyes and realizing that there was indeed somethign missing there, I am not saying this works for everyone, but it did for me, when you look into their eyes you can tell that they made the right choice that you rather it be this way, and not them continuing with it.

 

So I suggest maybe if you could meet up with them, even for coffee, just to "talk" if that is possible, and just watch their eyes, it helped me a lot,

 

I now know thing would not work out between us, and that she made the right move not only for herself, but for me as well, and now I feel really good and am ready to move on

[Pixiemeat]

I got it too! 'You're such a wicked girl, I love spending time with you...,' blah blah. Talk is cheap. He said we'd be friends and he'd stay in contact with me. A month later and nothing. Good riddance sweetie.

[butterflies]

I still want to be apart of your life

 

It's so clear...he wants to be 'apart' not 'a part' of your life. simlar letters but opposite meaning.

[hurtingrl]

 

So I suggest maybe if you could meet up with them, even for coffee, just to "talk" if that is possible, and just watch their eyes, it helped me a lot,

 

 

Sobo, I think that is great advice.....may not use it in this case but if I did that last year when I was going through another break-up it would have prevented a lot more heartache. I met up with my other ex and did see it in his eyes, but never made the connection.

 

 

It's so clear...he wants to be 'apart' not 'a part' of your life. simlar letters but opposite meaning.,

 

 

I would normally agree but if you read the whole novel of our e-mails back and forth he is not an english major....

 

AN UPDATE: I wrote him the e-mail last night with the following

1) It's silly of me to wait for him for 2 weeks if he had already made up his mind

2) one last objective suggestion of how things could be better (he was losing his friends and I was not making any - new city for me) by having less time together and having more of separate lives so when we were together we would have more to share

3) If that wasn't an option for him we couldn't be friends

4) Also once I move on (whenever that is), I move on for good (I have done this with previous bf's so he knows I am not kidding about this one)

 

He wrote back and said he did not want to lose me so I bought a new ticket for the emotional roller coaster ride.....

[annie24]

It's so clear...he wants to be 'apart' not 'a part' of your life. simlar letters but opposite meaning.

 

an interesting freudian slip.....

 

He wrote back and said he did not want to lose me so I bought a new ticket for the emotional roller coaster ride.....

 

If he didn't want to lose you, why did he break up with you? It seems to me if a man meets a woman, and he can't imagine life without her, he would ask her to marry him, he wouldn't break up with her.

 

At least, that is my point of view. Maybe he "doesn't want to lose you", yet he told you very clearly that he can live without you.

 

I think you should hold firm - if he want to reconcile, get back together, work on the relationship, fine, you can work with that. if he just wants to be friends, no way. At least, not until you are 150% over him and are engaged to brad pitt's lookalike.