my grandpa died- no memories

[perfectliljewel]

my grandpa died about two weeks ago, the funeral was fine i didnt cry at all. then i started thinking that i have no way to remember him. my sister is older than me and shes spent more time with him, and all my other cousins live near him so they saw him a lot, but me on the other hand, i didnt see him but maybe once or twice a year. i dont remember much. my sister is getting his pilors wings from when he was in the air force, and my other cousins got stuff to, but me i dont have anything not even memories.

 

how do i cope? i cant ever "remember the good times".

[Cavalera]

I know it's tough.. I didn't see my grandfather for almost 6 years before he died. He lived half the world away. I regretted not seeing him for so long, of course, but sometimes you just can't visit your relatives as often as you like. You can never expect things like this, so don't blame yourself.

[perfectliljewel]

what really suck is that i watched him die. i watched him die and now thats the only way i can remember him. with a tube shoved down his throat and without his teeth(he had false teeth).

[Haven]

what really suck is that i watched him die. i watched him die and now thats the only way i can remember him.

My grandfather was in the hospital and had a tube sticking in his throat so he could breathe. That's the only memory I have of him. I only saw him twice in my entire life before he died of cancer. I never even knew him, so I couldn't even be sad that he died. I was sad because my relatives were sad, and I was also sad that I never got to know him, but.. I don't know. It just sucks.

[perfectliljewel]

im sorry to here that. i just wish i could remember something about him like everyone else. i dont like sitting around the table and having everyone tell stories with him and when it gets to me i have nothing.

[nicorette]

i understand how youre feeling. im not in the same situation, but i was adopted and i recently got reunited with my biological father. what i call my real father (adoptive father) died of cancer a few months back. so now me and my biological father's relationship is awkward and i somewhat resent him. i feel as if he died tomorrow id be in your shoes. just think of it this way, ti wasnt your fault, dont blame yourself and although its very unfortunate, theres not much you can do. just try to go back and do remmber the good times you have with him. just try and keep yourself busy. i hope you feel better

[perfectliljewel]

thats just it. i only remember a few things. i remember him clicking his false teeth together, singing(dont remember any songs) and then i remember riding the barbie car at his house but he wasnt really there....

i guess i should just suck it up and get over it

[Starfall]

what really suck is that i watched him die. i watched him die and now thats the only way i can remember him. with a tube shoved down his throat and without his teeth(he had false teeth).

 

 

My grandmother is entering the dying process as we speak. I think this is why I'm awake at 3am and can't sleep. She's out of the hospital and in Hospice where she will die. She's in town and I desperately want to see her to say "good-bye", but she refuses to allow the grandkids (us) to come. My mother describes her with tubes, very frail, and eyes bulging. I last saw her Easter when she was strong and healthy. Maybe it's good after reading this that I don't push to see her. It's sad...

[perfectliljewel]

i wanted to see my grandpa before he died to say goodbye... im kind of glad i did but i kind of wish i didnt. he looked soooooo very different. i dont like seeing him that way. i wouldnt let my siblings go in for that very reason. i knew they would want to remember grandpa as grandpa not as the old frail man with tubes and IVs. i wish someone had told me that

[Big Daddy]

Honor her wishes, however adverse they may be but get your message to her in a letter that some could read to her or on a video tape or what ever you can. It is important for you and for her.

[perfectliljewel]

thats a good idea daddy... i agree that you should honor her wishes.

[Starfall]

Mom says that if I really want to that when she is more into the "coma" like state that she will let me in. I'm torn between wanting to respect my grandmother's wishes by not seeing her in this condition and my need to say good-bye, holding her hand, kissing her forhead, etc. I feel trapped.

I'm sorry you don't have memories. Mine is so painful because I have so many, I'm as close to her as my own mother.

[perfectliljewel]

just remember that the last memories and sites will stick with you FOREVER my dad died when 4 years ago and still remember what he looked like.

[perfectliljewel]

i understand completely but i would respect her wishes. im really not good with the whole death advice thing so i really dont know what to tell you accept the memory will be engraved in your mind.

[Big Daddy]

She does want to protect you, take that personally. That is probably what she has done her entire life. I would want to see her too.

[perfectliljewel]

you know what i think is weird? no offence if yall do it... but i think it is SO weird when people take pictures of dead people.... why would you want to remember that??

[Starfall]

Thank you Blade and Big Daddy. I was actually in the hospital earlier today as a patient myself. It appears the incredible amount of stress I'm going through has taken it's toll on my body. I have this crazy rash over my entire body that itches like Hell. I've tried benadryl, creams, you name it. So I had to get seen.. they thought it looked like Scarlet Fever???? Anway, was given an RX for meds and a shot to help me. It apprears stress induced. I can't sleep. Here I type while the city around me sleeps. lol

 

Giving Big Daddy advice helped take my mind off of it. I won't see her. I'll respect her wishes. I'll remember how she looked Easter Sunday, all smiles with her blue eyes and beautiful teal colored shirt and white pants. I remember her telling me how spunky my 2 yr. old daughter is and how she reminded her of me. My grandmother seemed to stare at me a lot that day as I remember. My mother thinks she knew... but wouldn't tell how badly her situation would end up to be.

 

It is for the best that I don't see her I guess... but I don't like it.

[perfectliljewel]

sometimes what we dont like is best for us and what seems like all the time what we do like is not best for us... like sitting up at 2:30am... actually i dont like it but i cant sleep. besides i get to sleep in the car for 9 hours while we go to my grandmas house to help clean out my grandpas stuff.

 

hope you feel better Star

[Starfall]

Thank you Blade, your post ended up helping me a lot.. when you were the one asking for the help.

 

&& Yes... I think it's freaky when people take picures of dead relatives. I had never seen anything like it until my husband and I were going through old photopraphs of his family and I saw this dead lady in the "box", "what ever you call it". I yelled out with a gasp! I never saw anything like it. My husband said his father took the pictures and he remembered being embarressed. We had a good laugh, but I didn't think people did that.