Big Daddy Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 I know I am jealous and it is destructive. I cannot figure this out though. Can we talk about why a guy does not keep Girl "friends" but a girl keeps guy "friends". I do not keep girl friends because I think it makes the wrong impression and I do not want to worry my wife. That and I believe guys and girls can't be friends. My wife always seems to befriend guys much more often than girls. She will talk to them on the drive home from work after leaving an hour later than she has to. Is this weird? Am I nuts? I know I am probably wrong but I know I wouldn't do it and I really don't think most wive's would do it. Please give me your brutal opinions. Link to comment
Taurusgirl Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 I think men and women can definitely be just friends. The question is why do you want to be friends? If you want to be friends with someone of the opposite sex, is it because you like them and enjoy their company or do you have stronger feelings for them and hope that by starting as friends it will turn into something more. I have had friendships with men in both these scenarios. It all comes down to sexual attraction. You are either attracted to someone or you are not. If you aren't then you can be just friends. Link to comment
Starfall Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 Basically this is how it works for my relationship.. My husband comes first. His feelings come first. I don't want my husband to feel insecure so I've toned down my friendliness with the opposite sex. Yes I have male friends. My husband doesn't get intimidated by the ones he feels are unattractive. lol I don't talk to these friends on the phone. Trust is everything and you need to trust her, however there is a line where I feel shouldn't be crossed. Your feelings should come first. Just my opinion. Link to comment
jbutterfly2020 Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 Has your wife cheated before? I don't see any other reason why you would be so paranoid. If you continue feeling jealous, you will drive her away. It is better to talk to her about your feelings so that you better understand each other. She might not even know this bothers you. Link to comment
Big Daddy Posted June 10, 2006 Author Share Posted June 10, 2006 She hasn't cheated as far as I know. She has been attracted to other guy and would sit sround and talk about it with her friend in another language not knowing I spoke french. That was 5-7 years ago. But she does tend to flirt with other men and has told me she does not see anything wrong with it. I have been cheated on before her and that drives alot of my issues. The second issue is my high sex drive and her low sex drive. Link to comment
Starfall Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 Why does she have a low sex drive? A lot of women are flirtatious by nature... or just over friendly. My husband wasn't bothered by this, but felt I gave men the wrong impression at times. I didn't want to do that or take a chance on my husband getting jealous. It's not worth it. Link to comment
Big Daddy Posted June 10, 2006 Author Share Posted June 10, 2006 She has told me it is two reasons: She thinks that it is because I act jealous and controlling and she doesn't feel free to make decisions because she feels that I would be disappointed if she chose to do things other than spend time with me. I have driven some/most of this I am sure but some of it is overblown. I did not like some of her old friends who were into drugs/alcohol/cheating and I was very headstrong about them. I also act jealous. I try like hell not to but the sex thing coupled with our difference in beliefs drives me nuts. She was molested by a relative when she was young. Link to comment
Big Daddy Posted June 10, 2006 Author Share Posted June 10, 2006 I forgot to add my part. I am 235 lbs now. I am not huge but I am overweight. I am pretty well proportioned though and have alot of muscle mass. When we met, I was 170 lbs and cut. No fat at all. Sex was not an issue in the beginning and she was sexually aggressive with me. That has gone away. No aggression, which I like alot. Link to comment
Starfall Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 Well a few things jump out at me. You admit you are jealous. That is a good thing that you can see it. The bad thing is that you will lose her if you don't get a grip on it. She will eventually rebel and you will have created the very thing you have feared. Trust her until she gives you a reason not to. Another thing that jumped out at me is her wanting to do other things without you. You should be included in most things except for the pedicures, manicures, and facials. lol I want my husband to be with me all the time and he feels the same. Once a year he'll go up and visit an old male friend and his family and I get together with my best friend of many years for a girl's weekend... which usually consists of dinner with big plans to go out and have fun only to get tired and end up going to bed and not going out at all. Try something different if what you are doing isn't working for you. Such as... when she tells you she'd like to go out with so and so... just say, "Sure, have a good time". Don't get jealous. I would hope that she'd want to spend most of her time with you, but she sounds like she has a lot of resentment towards you. Give her freedom and eventually things may get better for you. Link to comment
Starfall Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 I forgot to add my part. I am 235 lbs now. I am not huge but I am overweight. I am pretty well proportioned though and have alot of muscle mass. When we met, I was 170 lbs and cut. No fat at all. Sex was not an issue in the beginning and she was sexually aggressive with me. That has gone away. No aggression, which I like alot. Has she made mention of your weight? That doesn't sound bad depending on your height. Link to comment
Big Daddy Posted June 10, 2006 Author Share Posted June 10, 2006 Spot on advise. Makes me wonder why you are here. Thanks. Link to comment
Big Daddy Posted June 10, 2006 Author Share Posted June 10, 2006 I am 5' 9". It is not bad but I do have a slight gut and some upper body flab. Hope I'm not going too far here. She doen't mention the weight but I have brough it up and she agrees that I was in better shape it the past. Link to comment
Starfall Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 I think we all change a little with time, though I don't know how old you are. I'm sure you're fine. It's not your body that's turning her off, it's your being controlling. If anything... give her your blessing and tell her you hope she has a good time. When she gets home... don't interrogate her. No questions as to , "How many guys were there?" "Did any of them look at you?" " Did any of them talk to you." It will only make you sound desperate. This will be hard to do, but try it. Link to comment
Big Daddy Posted June 10, 2006 Author Share Posted June 10, 2006 I am 30. I have been with her for 11 years. In moments of clarity, I know that she is a great person and I am a lucky man. It is hard for our beliefs to match because I have been wronged by another and she has never even had a reason to be jealous because I will not allow it to exist. Link to comment
Big Daddy Posted June 10, 2006 Author Share Posted June 10, 2006 Is there anything I can help you with? Any blunt guy questions? I appreciate your advise. I think you are exactly right. The difficultly is in the execution. I keep fighting this... Link to comment
Starfall Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 Believe me... you can't begin to help me with the problems I have. lol People are good on this sight for the most part. It is hard to change. But you may have no choice if you don't want to lose her. You don't want an "ok" relationship, you want a "great" one. Link to comment
Big Daddy Posted June 10, 2006 Author Share Posted June 10, 2006 Can't be that bad. I have seen alot. Link to comment
Big Daddy Posted June 10, 2006 Author Share Posted June 10, 2006 Hmm. Not sure how to set that up. Any advise? Link to comment
Starfall Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 You click on User CP at the top, then go to edit options. Go down to private messaging and "check" to enable private messaging. Link to comment
Kimmikazi Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 It all depends....I believe that just making new random friends of the opposite sex when you're married...doesn't add up. I could definitely see if it's a co-worker and on a business level. But...talking to them on the way home from work, etc? That's a singles life I believe. Now, if they are friends from before you were married and you know the person and so on and so forth, that's totally different. When you're married, there's that "2 in 1" bond...although you need separate lives, when it comes to things like that, there's no reason why you shouldn't know these men. It is probably all innocent, but maybe out of respect she could maybe introduce you and explain things a little more, because you sound a little misguided. good luck ! Link to comment
Big Daddy Posted June 10, 2006 Author Share Posted June 10, 2006 I added e-mails. There mat be something else wrong because I seem to get a "You are not allowed message" when trying to access private messaging. Link to comment
Starfall Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 It all depends....I believe that just making new random friends of the opposite sex when you're married...doesn't add up. But...talking to them on the way home from work, etc? That's a singles life I believe. good luck ! I agree Kimmi... Link to comment
Starfall Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 You can add e-mails and there is another separate one for enabling private messaging. I don't know what you hit. Link to comment
Big Daddy Posted June 10, 2006 Author Share Posted June 10, 2006 I appreciate the advise. It is work related people. She has offered to introduce but is not interested in having dinner with me and him and her and his wife. Song on your page is cool... Link to comment
Big Daddy Posted June 10, 2006 Author Share Posted June 10, 2006 Sorry Star but I think it is not gonna let me setup until an administrator takes some sort of action. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now