I've been feeling very confused as of late.

[DCMann2]

Several of you on this site know about my situation with my ex, but if you don't feel like digging through my posts, I'll sum it up quickly: she broke up with me telling me that her romantic feelings for me faded. Twenty days later, she got with another guy who's nothing like me, and I haven't spoken to her since May 30th. That's the very, very short version of it, but I plan on reestablishing contact in about a month and trying for a reconciliation, but that's not the point here.

 

The point is that while I'm still very much in love with my ex, I've met another girl whom I like, and I'm sure she likes me as well. I'm very confused as to what I want to do. I mean, I know what I really want (I want my ex back, which I'm working towards doing), but I tend to think that going out with this new girl might be a good thing for me in helping get my ex back (boosting confidence and that sort of thing), but I don't want her (the new girl) to feel like she's a rebound for me, or that I'm just using her to get my ex back. She's very sweet, and I don't want to hurt her feelings or anything, because I tend to feel bad enough about things without involving other people.

[nicorette]

i think right now you should forget about getting your ex back. i knwo you want her back so bad, but concentrating all your attention and coming up with plots to try to get her attention arent healthy. lets say you talk to her adn she doestn want to get back together with you? then you havent made any progress cos the whole time youve been thinking about schemes to get her back. i think you should see this new girl cos you like her, and only if you like her or else its cruel. i thinky ou should leave yer ex alone and give this new girl a chance.

good luck

[DCMann2]

i think right now you should forget about getting your ex back. i knwo you want her back so bad, but concentrating all your attention and coming up with plots to try to get her attention arent healthy. lets say you talk to her adn she doestn want to get back together with you? then you havent made any progress cos the whole time youve been thinking about schemes to get her back. i think you should see this new girl cos you like her, and only if you like her or else its cruel. i thinky ou should leave yer ex alone and give this new girl a chance.

good luck

They're not really plots or evil schemes or that sort of thing, but mostly I'm doing NC for a bit while I improve myself, and so she's able to sort things out and that sort of thing, and we'll see where it goes from there after I reestablish contact. At any rate, I think I'm going to ask this girl out sometime soon. She'll be going to Europe next week for a week, but I guess I could ask her out when she gets back. She knows how I feel about my ex, and she's okay with everything, so that makes me feel a lot better about all of this.

[nicorette]

thats good, and i definetly didnt mean the scheming in an evil way! i just meant that thinking of ways to get your ex back right now isnt healthy. i think you should focus on you and on NC. good luck wtih your date. who knows? this girl could be way better than your ex and you may never even want to reconcile with your ex. best wishes.

[rnorth]

You are going to do what you want to do, but I would advise you to consider this new girl's feelings. I tend to think that what comes around, goes around - that some sort of negative karma could blow back your way.

 

Don't hurt this new one. Make a decision, stick with it and deal with the consequences. Don't hurt this girl like you ex hurt you.

[lady00]

If you've been honest with the new girl and she knows your situation fully, then she can't really blame you if she gets hurt by this situation. If she knows that you want your ex back then she needs to adjust her expectations to realizing that dating you will be mainly about getting to know someone new and having a good time and won't lead to a relationship. If that is the case, I don't see a problem with going out on a date with her.

 

I do however think you need to focus less on your ex and more on healing. Also, you mentioned that your ex is seeing someone else, right? If that's the case, that is a huge obstacle in the way of getting back with her at the moment and I wouldn't advise trying to do that while she's still with him.

 

My advice at this time is to focus on you and move on from your past relationship. While you may get back together with her in the future, it makes things easier right now if you really let it sink in that things are at an end between you too, release your feelings, mourn the loss and move on. Remember the joys of being single. Dating and meeting new people can be part of that but try not to focus on how this will help you get your ex back. Instead, enjoy meeting new people and building friendships with them or developing new crushes.

[Big Daddy]

Run from the ex. Bad Bad. It will only happen again. This will be the acceptable behavior pattern.