gf breaks up with me after 6 months

[joeyl2]

She broke up with me because she said her two jobs are stressing her out so bad to the point that it carries over to her every day life. She says she's afraid that she'll say or do something that I will take the wrong way and scare me off completely. It's summer time and she works two jobs during the summer. The thing is, though, we seem to still talk on the phone for a long time at night since this happened, which was back on Tuesday. I tried hanging out with her Wednesday night, but that was not a good idea. She was there and I couldn't hold her, kiss her, hug her, do anything.... can anyone out there give me some good, honest, heartfelt advice on what I should do? Do you think she might be really sincere and that she wants to get back together when stuff blows over for the summer? I need reassuring advice, something I can go about not being stressed out about. Thanks

 

Joe, 29, Clinton Township

[Dr]

This is a difficult one. Here we have 2 scenarios:

1) She's telling you the truth

2) She's trying to end it.

 

In either situation there is virtually nothing you can do except give it time. You cannot force a relationship and you certainly cannot force someone to participate in a relationship with you.

 

In all honesty, I have a feeling that it could well be the end of the relationship. She probably wants to let you down lightly. I can't give you advice for getting through a breakup since it's never actually happened to me (Been with #1 for almost 2 years!!!).

 

It doesn't matter how many jobs someone works, if they genuinely have feelings for you they will keep you on the scene. It would seem to me that she wants to let you down lightly. I suggest you don't keep your hopes up too high for a future relationship with her.

 

Sorry, I know its probably not what you wanted to hear...

 

Doc

[joyce1412]

It doesn't matter how many jobs someone works, if they genuinely have feelings for you they will keep you on the scene. It would seem to me that she wants to let you down lightly. I suggest you don't keep your hopes up too high for a future relationship with her.

 

sorry to say, but i agree. i've heard that line used on other people and i just think it's a sorry excuse. sure, jobs keep you busy, but if you feel like you've got a great man in your life, that shouldn't matter.

 

i know it's hard to hear that excuse, because she's feeding you a little bit of hope (i.e. "the situation might improve, her workload might lessen, then we can get back together!") don't you just wish people would cut out the bull * * * * sometimes?

 

in your case i would strongly urge NC. you're still available to her, you'll still talk to her whenever she wants. so this way she can throw herself into her jobs but still have you around to cushion the fall when she needs support or affection. REMOVE YOURSELF AS HER SUPPORT SYSTEM. let her see what life is like without you. if she can truly handle that, if she's truly busy with her jobs and wants to devote herself to them completely, then you have to move on. you'll have your answer that she's just fine without you. this half-togetherness you have going is not helping either of you, but the one it's really hurting is YOU, because you have to have the evidence of no longer being "with" her right in front of your eyes while allowing her to indulge her selfish side in keeping you around for whatever she needs.

 

NC--just do it!

[Hope75]

I, too, find her reasoning a little bit unusual.

 

I am a full time student and also work two jobs, but I also make time for my boyfriend as much as possible. Granted, some of that time we may be napping in front of the tv or catching up over the phone, but we do what we can to make it work.

 

Were there any other indications that she was unhappy or that the relationship wasn't going well?

 

Her reason of "fear that she would say something to scare you off" so that she actually drops you doesn't make alot of sense.

[joeyl2]

Most people I have explained this to said it's very possible that she really could be this stressed out. Even our mutual friend believes this to be the truth, and she is one of her best friends. She also sides with me in saying that she hopes this is the truth coming out of her, and she would tell me if this was it. My ex has also called me almost every night since the break-up, so she has kept in contact, and she said she still wants to hang out with me, if that means anything??

[Hope75]

What do YOU want?

 

Are you willing to settle for a friendship from her?

 

Were you making any sort of demands in terms of time from her if you two were to be in a relationship vs. a friendship?

[joeyl2]

Well, when you're in love with someone and you're expected to be friends just like that, it's hard, she knows that because I told her that. As a matter of fact, last Friday, I was telling her I was actaully getting used to her being so busy because i kept myself busy since then. She smiled like it was a good thing

[Hope75]

I understand what you are saying.

 

I'm just not sure what prompted the change for her from boyfriend/girlfriend to just friends. If she's still calling you every night, she's obviously got some time and is still thinking about you.

 

Any idea why she thought she did not have enough time to be your girlfriend vs. your friend?

[joeyl2]

she just said that it's a point now when she gets off of work, she's so stressed, that she's very sensitive toward people and that she's just afraid she'll go off on me real easily where she won't mean it. She works one job, mainly m-f 9am-1pm, and then her summer job all weekend, long hours, and during some days during the week. She's going to Indiana for four days, june 22-26, she said that summers are typically very busy for her, and that she's already made plans for a lot this summer. I did mention that I have been here, adjusting nicely to her being busy but at the same time saying I'd be here if she ever wanted to make a date to hang out, but she still wasn't for that. She's still pretty insistent that I'm not the reason she's doing this, that it's her. Even my mom agrees that this is definitely what's going on, she just needs the time so that all of this work-related stress will disappear mostly. I don't know what else to make of it, ya know?

[joeyl2]

and if this helps, she said she's started smoking again.......

[joyce1412]

she just said that it's a point now when she gets off of work, she's so stressed, that she's very sensitive toward people and that she's just afraid she'll go off on me real easily where she won't mean it. She works one job, mainly m-f 9am-1pm, and then her summer job all weekend, long hours, and during some days during the week. She's going to Indiana for four days, june 22-26, she said that summers are typically very busy for her, and that she's already made plans for a lot this summer. I did mention that I have been here, adjusting nicely to her being busy but at the same time saying I'd be here if she ever wanted to make a date to hang out, but she still wasn't for that. She's still pretty insistent that I'm not the reason she's doing this, that it's her. Even my mom agrees that this is definitely what's going on, she just needs the time so that all of this work-related stress will disappear mostly. I don't know what else to make of it, ya know?

 

no offense, but it sounds like you just want people to tell you what you want to hear. a couple of us have given you a very objective view of your situation based on the details you've given, but you're not satisfied with it because we're not giving you a lot of hope...understandable.

 

maybe she'll come back to you, maybe she won't, but i know i certainly wouldn't dump someone i truly loved no matter how many jobs i was working. being worried that she'll "go off on you" is a silly excuse. she is in command of her own actions. she's trying to place blame on things--her jobs, her apparently 'too difficult to control' emotions--to avoid blaming you or, more importantly, herself.

 

it also might not be the best idea to tell her you'll always be there for a "date." that's just what she wants right now--to have you available whenever she wants you without making a commitment to you. do you really want to give her that?

 

it's gonna be okay. just give yourself a little time and space and simply CONSIDER for your own good that she may never come back, and begin living your life accordingly.

[dzadze]

move on, if you were meant for each other than nothing can break you apart.......

 

love is like a river, anytime it encounters an obstacle it cuts a new path around it.

 

 

your river has turn into the vast ocean ... time to move on buddy .. not waste the time..

 

why waste time with the ex, when you can spend time with the next.

[rnorth]

I believe that she is indeed stressed but really you are the one who is closest to the situation. This may be salvageable.

 

My feeling is that you should back off and give her space but not completely disappear. If she really is stressed, any little push from you will have her pull away more. I would stay away from long conversations on the phone as well. Cut them short before they die on their own. Avoid bringing up the relationship. If she brings it up, be agreeable in terms of respecting the reasons why she did it. Act like you are moving on, but don't completely disengage yourself.

 

Remember the episode of Seinfeld about leaving on a high note? I think you need to apply this here. Make her experiences with you positive or at least ones that leave her with a positive impression of you. And this doesn't mean bending over backwards to try and do too much for her. It means being happy and positive around her. The best way to apply this is by actually working on yourself. Do something positive that shocks her, like taking up a new interesting hobby or finding a new physical activity to participate in.

 

Good luck. Go easy and DON'T ACT DESPARATE OR NEEDY!!!!

[nicorette]

as hard and unfortunate as this sounds. you really need to move on. i know its not what you want to hear. okay, lets say she IS so stressed out? so what? its not gonna get you what you want. you said her summer is stressful, so shes not going to get back with you then. she obviously does not want this relationshpi to work. i definetly know this isnt what you want to hear but im not here to sugarcoat it for you. her friends are ssaying that because you guys are friends and they dont want to hurt your feelings. i dont want to hurt your feelings, but i think this is what you need to hear: you really need to move on. theres so many girls out there seoriusly good luck